5 in the morning, I can’t sleep because I’m worried about Sophie and all the other big life changes I’m facing.
I write some emails, I look on Facebook. Finally, unable to distract myself from it all, I escape to my piano.
I’ve had a series of chords stuck in my head for months. I’ve been playing them in different combinations, at different speeds with different fingering. I have no idea
where they came from. I’m helpless to make them go away, and I’m not so sure I want them to.
Recently, strong melodies have been showing through, and last week, I began to hear words off in the distance wanting to be layered on top.
I played something new when I ran to those chords and my piano at 5am this morning. I didn’t record it like I usually do. It began flowing out of me and I knew if I ran for my phone to capture it, it would be lost.
I wanted the music. I wanted the beautiful sensation of tension and resolution in my ears, vibrating down into my heart, more than I wanted to capture the moment for enjoyment later.
So I stayed. And I played. Then I loved on my doggies. And I loved on my life a bit too.
None of this can really be captured as it truly vibrates in our hearts.
It’s all only here for a moment. I only have my life and my loves, my piano and my doggies, my friends and my fantasies, for a moment in the universe of time.
I’m glad for whatever tension woke me up, seeking resolution at 5 in the morning.
I found it, along with some love in the form of my music and my doggies and now it’s time to peacefully sleep again.
~ cj 2012.06.27