5am Tension and Resolution

5 in the morning, I can’t sleep because I’m worried about Sophie and all the other big life changes I’m facing. 

I write some emails, I look on Facebook. Finally, unable to distract myself from it all, I escape to my piano. 

I’ve had a series of chords stuck in my head for months. I’ve been playing them in different combinations, at different speeds with different fingering. I have no idea
where they came from. I’m helpless to make them go away, and I’m not so sure I want them to. 

Recently, strong melodies have been showing through, and last week, I began to hear words off in the distance wanting to be layered on top. 

I played something new when I ran to those chords and my piano at 5am this morning. I didn’t record it like I usually do. It began flowing out of me and I knew if I ran for my phone to capture it, it would be lost. 

I wanted the music. I wanted the beautiful sensation of tension and resolution in my ears, vibrating down into my heart, more than I wanted to capture the moment for enjoyment later. 

So I stayed. And I played. Then I loved on my doggies. And I loved on my life a bit too. 

None of this can really be captured as it truly vibrates in our hearts. 

It’s all only here for a moment. I only have my life and my loves, my piano and my doggies, my friends and my fantasies, for a moment in the universe of time. 

I’m glad for whatever tension woke me up, seeking resolution at 5 in the morning. 

I found it, along with some love in the form of my music and my doggies and now it’s time to peacefully sleep again. 

~ cj 2012.06.27