Author Archives: cjromb

Torn Between Aches

I had to leave; It was time to go. I didn’t make it far, just a few miles down the road, when the ache set in. Because I could, I turned around and went back, indulging in a little more. … Continue reading

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Hard Squeeze

If you hold something loosely, it may not stay where you hope it will; you are so right about that. But the more you squeeze it, in an attempt to keep it where you want it, the more likely it … Continue reading

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Fast Eddie at the Flower Shop

Poor Fast Eddie. She was unique and beautiful, and he fell in love immediately. You couldn’t miss that he had…he made no bones about it. “Wanna have a ball?” He wagged enthusiastically, and showed her his bright green ball. But … Continue reading

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It’s Too Late

I hear the bus, I’m sure of it. My heart smiles cuz it’s almost the perfect time, and I look up at my clock. Oh, wait. I see. It’s only 4:03. It’s too early for the bus, it’s not time … Continue reading

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I’d Rather Be On My Own

I got this photo from my grandma’s neighbor last week when I went up north. My dad took that picture. We look like a normal, happy family on vacation in the Wisconsin Dells, if you don’t look too closely, if … Continue reading

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Falling

There are so many ways to fall, don’t you think? An unexpected moment, an unlikely trip, a light stumble into an uncertain space, a sudden headlong aching pitching you into a void you didn’t know was there, a twirling, whirling … Continue reading

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Things Could Be Different

If things could be different between us, I’d put my hands gently on each side of your face. I’d stand on my tippy toes, leaning in cuz I’d know you wouldn’t hurt me if I fell. I’d ask you in … Continue reading

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Ironic Backstory

I’ll bet this guy got talked into this, hoping to impress his sorta new girlfriend, or if it turned into the perfect day, to get laid. Can you hear her? “Come on honey. No one will see your face. It … Continue reading

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Swirls

These swirls of orange and yellow heal me. So does having friends who not only accept me, but truly respect and enjoy who I am. Thank you, my friends, for being right there with me when I stop to take … Continue reading

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Chasmic Canyon

“I promise, I’ll be more present soon. And thank you for your angelic grace and undying patience.” His words barely reached me anymore, less and less urgent each time they echoed across the chasmic canyon gaping impossibly between he and … Continue reading

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I Should Have Known

He said “You should have known.” He’s right, you know. I should have known, because he should have told me. But now I know. I found out on my own. He should have known I would. ~ cj 2013.05.16 Bookmark … Continue reading

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Replaced in 12 Days

I planted a garden this year, taking another step in reclaiming the space my (now ex) husband and I used to share. I wanted to see something growing here. I longed to experience new life again, in a home where … Continue reading

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Until Tomorrow, Whippoorwill

The whippoorwill trills over and over in the night lonely, looking waiting for her to call back to him. Sometimes he hears her and they sing for awhile. Sometimes he gives up and goes to sleep until tomorrow. We used … Continue reading

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Blazing

I watched from the window as he walked out again wide open jacket exposing his frightened heart, hands already quite chilled from having no mittens. A cold draft blew through when he slammed the door, turning away from the beginnings … Continue reading

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Stone, Stone Cold

Today is the first day I’ve written on stone paper. I find it cool to the touch and beautifully soft as I caress its pages with my fingers and press my pen into filling its lines. It is also the … Continue reading

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Bloom Wide Open

I found this reckless beauty, at the beach, bloom wide open. Her fragile petals blew wildly in the wicked wind as she fearlessly faced the waves. She’d blossomed in her own restless time, oblivious now to who’d missed this singular … Continue reading

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To Find Me

Someone in a car like yours drove slowly by, and for a moment, I thought you’d come to the edge of the ocean to find me. He drove by without stopping. And I admit, for a moment? It slowed me … Continue reading

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Broken Mess

Some broken messes can be fixed with enough effort and the right kind of care. Salvaging them might take several attempts, use multiple skills, require new approaches. Often seeking outside advice is what makes the difference. But the satisfaction of … Continue reading

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Wanting To

No matter how much I understand it, I’ll never get it. I hope one day I’ll get over wanting to. ~ cj 2013.04.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading

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Opposites Attract

it hurts my heart less, …when we’re not connected… it hurts your life more. ~ cj 2013.04.02 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading

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Matter Of Time

“Oh, my, you two are so perfectly suited”, was her frankly astute observation, as if she’d discovered some treasure, as if she were the first who found it inevitably, painfully obvious. and then, as if she couldn’t help but continue, … Continue reading

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Symbiosis

I write because I can’t draw in a breath without shattering my heart unless I do. You ache because it catches your breath in your chest and shatters your heart when I do. ~ cj 2013.03.27 Symbiosis: the living together … Continue reading

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I Write

I write because I can’t see I can’t think I can’t sleep I can’t draw in a breath without shattering my heart unless I do. You ache because I speak my truth I make you think I wake you up … Continue reading

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ADD Key Kit

I posted this today on my ADD In Action Facebook page. For some reason, it made me giggle hard when I wrote it, so I thought I’d share it here. My version of a Swiss Army Knife. ADD Key Kit … Continue reading

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I Imagined We’d Dance

I’ve closed my eyes so many times since I found you again imagining if we walked softly and waited til the timing was right, we’d one day sink sweetly, breathing into the rhythm of dancing together again. I’d trust you … Continue reading

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Your Shoes

I can’t imagine how you can stand in those shoes, how you can claim that they fit and spit shine them as if they were worthy of wearing. I can’t imagine even though I’ve been attempting for years to try … Continue reading

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Off The Shelf

This plant was green once, full of life and hope.  Long tendrils of healthy leaves clung to well-watered vines, draping over shelves full of books in this home he and I built together. When I watered it up on that … Continue reading

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Torrential Rain

I tried to take care of you, even when your choices caused that torrential rain. But as it poured down, filling our streams, rushing over our road, I had to run harder than I’ve ever had to run, to save … Continue reading

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Run Free

Maybe some women want a partner, whether that partner is wild or not, who understands and admires a woman who needs to run free. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

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Differently Pink Katydid

I wonder if this beautiful katydid knows that it’s pink? Is it self-conscious? Does it feel exposed or hide for being different? Or has it adapted, thriving because of the privilege and obligation of being different? Does it wish things … Continue reading

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Let’s Not

Let’s not and pretend that we did, because my heart still bleeds from the last time, when I gave my all and you only pretended you did. ~ cj 2013.03.05 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share … Continue reading

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I’d Rather Be Alone

I always said I’d rather be lonely alone, than lonely with someone else. For years, I was so lonely with him, I did everything I could to stay busy so I wouldn’t notice. Finally, two years ago, I walked away, … Continue reading

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No Winners

Sometime in 1994 or 1995, my now soon-to-be ex and I were in counseling. We’d separated, because I needed to be understood, accepted, and loved for who I was, and that’s not how I felt. During the counseling, our therapist … Continue reading

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For The Rest of My Life

I will miss who I thought you were for the rest of my life. ~ cj 2013.03.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading

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May They Love In Such A Way

I love how he holds her face, one of her little curls trapped under his fingers that no one cares are filthy. He’s reached out, determined to show her how he feels. He looks so sure of himself, going after … Continue reading

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Sweet Sunday Snoozes

Sweet Sunday snoozes breathing each others air wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and plumped up pillows, wrapped in each others arms. I inhaled deeply and turned every way I could while you tried to dream, making sure each part … Continue reading

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Summit Sunrise – Piano Recording

One of my closest friends made a comment about how what we’re both going through is like trying to reach a summit. We talked about how all the mistakes get made right before you reach the summit…but if you just … Continue reading

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Be A Lighthouse

This essay has been a long time coming. It’s in my heart, it’s in my head.  I’ve always loved lighthouses, and this concept has been a lighthouse for me as I navigate some major life transitions and try to find … Continue reading

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Dead Tree

You mourned the dead tree more than you mourned the death that meant you’d never see the tree or me again. Now that I’m done mourning, you’re deader to me than any dead tree could ever be. ~ cj 2013.02.13 … Continue reading

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A Leap of Faith To Make Myself Happy

I worked on paperwork again last week, yesterday, today to get myself out of this long-dead marriage. How can there be so much of this? I was so proud of myself; I am so past being angry, I’m giving up … Continue reading

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If You Died

If you died, I would dance for my life, for all the times you tried to kill who I was, when all I was trying to do when I was with you was dance for your love. ~ cj 2013.02.04 … Continue reading

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Play For Just A Moment

I cannot walk by you without giving in to your open invitation to touch you, to play for just a moment. And I cannot easily walk away because I ache when we’re apart. So here I am, confessing to you … Continue reading

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Complete Silence

Complete silence surrounds me, so loud I can hear your absence like a pin that hit the floor, and reverberated without warning, expanding quickly in my empty echo chamber, until it became a requiem filling a symphony hall, at the … Continue reading

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Flush

I WISH all the mystery had been gone. The secrets I found you keeping were far worse than anything I could have imagined. And I would have given anything to be able to just flush them away. ~ cj 2013.01.31 … Continue reading

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This Morning’s Sunrise

This morning’s sunrise was so beautiful. I was on my deck, peanut butter and honey toast, coffee. At first, “Forever” started playing on my phone, an alarm I set that always makes me smile. But as I took some pictures … Continue reading

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Happiness

Somehow, you found my door and came smiling through when I wasn’t looking. I’m glad I hadn’t locked it. ~ cj 2013.01.29 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it … Continue reading

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Exposed

Twenty two years of seeing you naked and now that I know the truth, now that you’ve been exposed, I can’t remember what you look like naked. I can only remember how you looked to me, once I realized you’d … Continue reading

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Where You Are

You sent me a picture from where you are now. I know it so well it brings tears to my eyes. It’s that treasured place where we both used to be when we believed we always would and where we … Continue reading

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The Last Twisted Chapter

Today I am writing my side of the story, what I believe is true…detailing out what I am willing to pay as a necessary cost of closing the book on this part of my life. I’ve been through brutal heartache, … Continue reading

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Unfinished Song

This song, graceful and light, began playing inside when you showed up in my life. I moved my fingers over the keys, here, and with you, trying to let it speak for the heart of me. It was light and … Continue reading

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How Hard That All Is

I forget, I truly do, how much it hurts, how hard that all is to hear. how it sears going down and burns settling in another’s open unsuspecting heart. I forget because it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I am whole … Continue reading

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Rebuilding From A Fire

One day, driving around in 2002 looking for properties to renovate, my ex and I came up on a house that had burned. The front window was broken out. Ignoring his preference that I didn’t, I approached with my camera, … Continue reading

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Welcome, 2013!

Welcome, 2013….I’ve been waiting for you! Every year for many years, I wrote a little foundation statement, or had a motto. I didn’t do that so much the past two years. In many ways, I was just fighting to survive … Continue reading

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I Get It

I get it. I cannot help but see. I never had a doubt. It didn’t cross my mind, to consider that your broken looking glass had in any fashion, even a little, shattered because of anything to do with me. … Continue reading

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Solitaire

For the past several months, I’ve been playing Solitaire on my phone…sometimes to the point where I believe this to be a bit of an addiction…sometimes to the exclusion of other things I “SHOULD” be focusing on. Last week, I … Continue reading

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Next To Me

Next to Me – Piano Solo by Me I love one little part of this. It comes up over and over. Can you hear it? It’s the pause where you look up from your book and smile, because finally, beautifully, … Continue reading

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Beaming Truths

I am out running. And as I move, I see. There are blue beams of light coming up from the golden sunset. Or is it golden beams of light from the blue? At first I didn’t notice. Then I stopped … Continue reading

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I See

I see, and appreciate, different beauty every time I look your way. ~ CJ 2012.12.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post

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Who Am I?

I am in an odd space tonight, and cannot say what mood I’m in. If hard pressed, I couldn’t offer even the simplest guess on whether I’m okay or not. My mind is overflowing. My heart feels full and empty. … Continue reading

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Gentle Stream – Piano Recording

I uploaded a new piano recording today called Gentle Stream. I make these melodies up on my piano, while recording them with my iPhone. If I like them, and they soothe me, I’ve started uploading them to Sound Cloud. They … Continue reading

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You Built

you built these walls because you want, but not badly enough to want to climb your own walls. ~ cj 2012.10.31 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading

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Quiet Surprise

It’s quiet in here as I let the decision ‘not to’ sink in. I don’t hear a solitary peep and certainly not the roaring of chaotic thoughts I imagined would come barreling through all jumbled in my head from a … Continue reading

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I’m Proud of Myself

I came in 66 out of 67 in my age group for the 10 mile Run For The Water last Sunday. And can I tell you? I’m gosh-darn PROUD of myself! 🙂 Perhaps you wouldn’t be, and perhaps you think … Continue reading

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You Want

you want these rules because you want, but not badly enough to want to break your own rules. ~ cj 2012.10.28 I want to write more about this. But here is a start. Can you see it? So much is … Continue reading

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Taking Out The Trash

I am taking out my trash, while I am noticing these things, so I text you all of this with pictures. It may be cheesy, it may be unconventional, but this is what I want to think about today. Here’s … Continue reading

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I Am Guilty

I called you, I did. I am quite guilty of this: I was going to read you Titanic, a poem he graciously sent me. It would likely make you cry, as I am now weeping, and I knew that when … Continue reading

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No More Sheet Music

I’ve been playing piano since I was 5, and took lessons for well over 20 years….all classical, always reading or memorizing sheet music. I never learned improvisation, composition, chords and chord progressions or theory. About 2 years ago, I put … Continue reading

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Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my Dad’s birthday, or would have been. He died in May of this year, 6 months ago today. Give him a gift, Facebook suggests. I would, I most certainly would. It’s not that I’m cheap, or don’t care, … Continue reading

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Smiling Back

Perhaps when you found me, you thought my better days had passed me by. I will allow It’s hard to miss I’m a wee bit worn. But you didn’t pass me by as there I lay, enough left in me … Continue reading

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On My Own

It is dusk, with night not far behind, and soon enough, the lights will be on. Until then, I’ve got enough in me to glow in the dark on my own. ~ cj 2012.10.09 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Plenty Of Room

I went to the place I go when my heart seeks peace, to see if you’d fit in my new life, which includes this. When I got there I found plenty of beauty and discovered more than enough room. ~ … Continue reading

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Me

It’s so sweetly intimate that it makes my heart tingle and feels like you’ve whispered something softly in my ear that only we know whenever you sign your email or a colorful card with Me Bookmark on Delicious Digg this … Continue reading

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MY Music

I just created a space for myself on Soundboard to upload my piano creations. http://www.soundboard.com/sb/cjromb I have NO composition, chord progression or music theory training. I’ve been playing classical piano from sheet music since I was 5, but I’d largely … Continue reading

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What I Love About Poetry

What I love about poetry is that I can use any words in any way I choose without regard to anybody else’s rules. These words are freely available for me to lay about in any shape on any surface with … Continue reading

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Sometimes

Sometimes the joke isn’t witty enough and the laughter isn’t nearly raucous enough to cover up the hurt lurking beneath, crouching for safety in the shadows of a silky sheer grin. And Sometimes it takes only the tiniest whisper from … Continue reading

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Welcome

I knocked on your door believing I wanted to drop something off, give you a neatly wrapped up, you-mattered-to-me package, let you know there were no hard feelings on my side of the fence, and if you needed me to … Continue reading

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Sophie Mazzaro is My Hero

Sophie was my exchange student from Germany in 2008-2009. Here’s how this went in August of 2010, when she was visiting again: Me: Now that you’re out of high school, what do you want to do? Sophie: I’m probably going … Continue reading

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Naked Bamboo

the bamboo poles stood mute and naked near the corner mirror deaf to the talk, cold against the warm hugs it witnessed, unable to understand our journey, the laughter, the learning filling the room, standing there stiffly unable to speak … Continue reading

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Listening…

… I can see you’re typing but then the … disappear. I assign meaning to your hesitation …it must be quite important …and I wait to hear. I imagine you’re typing, stopping, thinking …then typing again. I love what you … Continue reading

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How to Change the World

How to change the world, one heart at a time…. Take a risk, open up, reach out. You can pull back, you can recover if you get hurt. But why start out with a mile high wall no one can … Continue reading

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The Difference of A Day

Yesterday, I would have quickly sworn I loved nearly everything about us, with the exception of how you don’t feel the same for me. Today, I’m swearing, as I slowly realize nothing else about us matters, with the exception of … Continue reading

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Romance, Writing and Rock Star Dreams

From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be a rock star, and I wanted to be passionately loved. But as I got older, I saw my dreams dying on the … Continue reading

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So I Did

I dared to dream that if I risked it, if I went for it, if I jumped, if I reached, if I grew, if I leaned, if I stood strong in the wind… I’d be found, I’d be wanted, I’d … Continue reading

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Brave Heart

it’s easy to tough talk and behave as though  there’s armor on your chest and a wall between you and all that wants to bring you to your knees at the point of a sword. it takes no strength to  … Continue reading

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Skin

Her skin,  so much softer  and thinner  than she would have  preferred to discover  protecting her heart,  tore just a little,  bled just a little,  when the sharp edged blade  of his impatience  cut into her. Its salty stinging sliced … Continue reading

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I Forgive You

No matter what you’ve done to me in my past or try do in the future, regardless of how much you’ve set me back in my life with your choices, in the face of how rude you are to me … Continue reading

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Nightmare

Go away. How did you get in the door? How dare you invade? Just who let you in? You come ripping through here squeezing a moan, then a fearful tear, finally a scream out of me when you appear, unwelcome, … Continue reading

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Blu

I just took my Dad’s blu-ray player out of the bins I’d brought back after he died. I put the first Batman in it; I haven’t seen it yet, and a friend was kind enough to loan it to me. … Continue reading

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Fire’s Edge

If I fall into you will you catch me and dance, holding me tight, twirling, laughing at the edge of the fire? or will you step aside unable, unwilling to hold on, watching me, letting me tumble as I burn … Continue reading

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Your Gift

you make me smile and giggle and chuckle and laugh and oftentimes nearly squeal with delight and sometimes you’ve made me snort and totally outright  guffaw and for me for the girl I am there’s no greater gift at any … Continue reading

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Perfect Harmony

You know when you’ve found a friend who fits so perfectly, you hardly notice you’re dancing through life with another? You glide together in perfect harmony, and the only thing that reminds you they’re someone separate from you is the … Continue reading

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Playing Me

I made a movie  of your hands touching the keys, playing my piano. you were amused that I’d do this, and asked me why. I lied to you and fooled you  into believing I just wanted to learn how to … Continue reading

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Pulling Up The Covers

when I first slept alone again after so many  years next to you, my broken heart  insisted I quickly  make the bed  the moment I  woke each morning, so I wouldn’t hurt each time through my bedroom  noticing how  perfectly your side … Continue reading

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Watching

whenever she’s awake, she’s watching… sometimes out there but usually me. if I move, she follows and brings her sister with. if I pay attention, she leans into me and loves back.  I wonder what she’s thinking;  she never says … Continue reading

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5am Tension and Resolution

5 in the morning, I can’t sleep because I’m worried about Sophie and all the other big life changes I’m facing.  I write some emails, I look on Facebook. Finally, unable to distract myself from it all, I escape to my … Continue reading

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Walls

Walls don’t stop the pain… they just trap it inside so it festers and oozes out destroying what could have been fertile ground. ~ cj 2012.06.24 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading

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Lingered

Lingered (cj 2012.06.23) ********* My fingers lingered when we shook hands or was it yours that stayed behind whispering softly an extra moment as they gently pulled away saying goodbye and nice to meet each other. I liked that you … Continue reading

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Holding Out For Dawn

When a night bears down heavy on me With the tragedies and mis-steps of the day I exhale a sigh and close my eyes Holding on tight til tomorrow. Long before the sun comes up The first light seeps into … Continue reading

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I’m Not Going Anywhere

“I’m not going anywhere” you’d said, while you extracted yourself from the wreckage, wanting space between you and the painful rift you’d ruthlessly, thoughtlessly, carelessly caused between us. “I’m not going anywhere”, you’d said, but then, unable to resist, you … Continue reading

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It Left Me Room

At first a hole opened up in my evenings at the time you used to call, yawning, stretching out wide open empty, keeping me awake. It left room and time to reflect alone in the dark, to sink into the … Continue reading

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