Category Archives: Writing

FryDay Tears

Every Friday, Jeffrey Fry sends out FryDay humor to his email list. It always makes me laugh, sometimes pretty hard. Almost every Friday, I used to forward that email to my Dad, imagining him laughing. He forwarded me funny emails, … Continue reading

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Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a sad one year anniversary for me. I made a choice because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. One year ago tomorrow was the day my husband and I stopped living together after more than 23 years. I’ve … Continue reading

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A Silken Web

That first piece of silken web delicately, finely woven from there to here and back again. Swaying softly in the breeze hardly seen it didn’t look like it could hold a thing. In those moments it could have been broken … Continue reading

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I Am The Boss

******** I Trusted You ******** I trusted you. I opened my eyes my heart my mouth my arms my body my legs I trusted you when you promised you wouldn’t that you truly wouldn’t. I believed between us that no … Continue reading

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My Dad’s Hands

I loved my Dads hands. One of his fingers was crooked and one nail was bent. He wore his wedding ring still, even 30 years after my mom had died. His hands played piano and played guitar and laid out … Continue reading

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The Bearable Weight of Uncertainty

I’ve always loved adventure. But there’s an odd dissonance inside me: I’ve always hated uncertainty. I dislike suspense more than anyone I know.  I read the end of the book before I can settle into the story.  I read the … Continue reading

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How Is My Dad?

How’s my Dad?  You wonder. I wonder, too.  The truth is, I won’t know until later, until the time comes when all I can do to see this is look back in time from my future to now. How am … Continue reading

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Carrying The Weight of The Truth

I found the post below the line on Facebook today. I have no hope you’ll see this, and maybe that’s for the best. I do not want anything from you, and perhaps avoiding the truth makes carrying on easier… although … Continue reading

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Beautiful Blue

There she is, vaguely bathed in beautiful blue light. She calls out to me, a lover in the dark, promising to soothe me if I sit down and slide my fingers over her. I do as she asks. how could … Continue reading

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Understanding

Understanding why someone is upset doesn’t obligate you to be their target. ~ cj 2012.04.16 Picture taken from Flicker – Jim-in-times-square Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading

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Life Blooms Again

I walked outside with my eyes and my heart open to discover that In spite of all the neglect and death I’ve been focused on around here, my flowers bloomed again, the hummingbirds came back to drink sweet nectar, Sarge … Continue reading

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Ego vs. Wisdom

I’ve reached that place in my life where my level of wisdom has bypassed the size of my ego. This allows me to see that I have something extraordinary to teach the world, while simultaneously realizing I have an extraordinary … Continue reading

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Perfectly Beautiful Bellies

I found a site some time ago where women uploaded pictures of their bellies. Those women and those bellies had held life and lived life. And those women, by uploading those pictures, were somewhere on the path of learning how … Continue reading

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Promise Me

Promise me if I wash my hands my hair my body that shirt those sheets this blanket promise me I’m not washing away the last of you from my life. ~ cj 2012.04.04 Flickr picture from rachelandrew http://www.flickr.com/photos/rachelandrew/409048810/lightbox/ Bookmark on … Continue reading

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A True Friend

A true friend is someone you can share the WHOLE laugh with. ~ cj 2012.04.04 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post

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Thud

Every spring for many years now, a red cardinal I call Thud shows up on my back deck. He perches on a chair or an empty pot, stares for awhile, as if thinking… …and then relentlessly and repeatedly slams into … Continue reading

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Many Miles

Many miles between where I am here, and where I feel, I hope, I achingly wish to go. Traveling always traveling a rocky, twisted path, with no clear direction, no helping hand but my own, no light shining but my … Continue reading

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Hunger

I let your feeder go dry I let you go hungry I wanted you to find food somewhere else I want you and your hunger to go away. I’ve got no heart left here to feed you. He loved you … Continue reading

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How the Writing Begins

What you do is start writing and don’t filter yourself. It isn’t for them, it’s for you. Once you have the pinhole drilled, you can’t close it down. It becomes wider and wider. You get better and better at finding … Continue reading

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Scream

A beautiful fire that burned sweet and warm in my heart Overheated with hate and blame Escaped Licking nasty flames Began burning my skin my soul So hot it blistered every inch of me peeling my bark exposing the core … Continue reading

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It’s Good To Be Home. Thank You.

This is something I’ve wanted to say to you, my friends. I have my Facebook friends in my heart at the moment, but this is for all of my friends, 2D or 3D.  I hope you have a moment to … Continue reading

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Touching

you reached out, reached over reached first gently kindly firmly unexpectedly and took my hand.    I liked the soft pads  of your fingers, the dark silky hair the velvet inside of your wrists you didn’t grip  or grab you … Continue reading

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Velvet Kiss

velvet softness going down silken touching holding on fingers twining  pulling close weakened knees and racing pulse gentle hands exploring nuzzles tightly tangled all night nestled sweetly sighing deeply breathing melting moist need rekindling  all I ache and all I … Continue reading

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Easy Was Too Hard For Me

Today I exchanged emails with someone encouraging me to “make this easy”. I explained to the person that I’m not interested in choosing “easy” for my life anymore. I already TRIED the “easy” way. As it turns out, it was … Continue reading

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Mangy Yet Worthy

Maybe our fur is a little mangy and our nose is a little worn out from doors slamming in it, but we still have beautiful eyes to see the world with, and our hearts are still beating strong… And the … Continue reading

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Dance for Your LIFE!

Oh, the blog title possibilities! Dance like there’s no tomorrow Dance like nobody’s watching Dance in the Rain Don’t Stop Dancing…or if you have? Start Dancing again! The message from me to you is the same, no matter what I … Continue reading

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The Cold Side

I pile things on the cold side of my bed, and rarely clean it off because it’s lonely when it’s empty. If you were here, you’d warm that side. As luck would have it, it’s the one you like to … Continue reading

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Feeling Good

A few weeks ago, my 11-year old doggie, Maggie, randomly figured out rolling over on her back and wiggling around feels good to her. Now? She does it all the time! She’s a great lesson for me. When things feel … Continue reading

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Winds of Change

Doors close, windows open, a brisk breeze blows my world around clearing out all the ugly things that tear my heart from its hinges. I breathe in. Today is bitter hard yet better. Wherever I land When the wind stops … Continue reading

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Forever Promise

I know it’s late to tell you  and can bear no hopeful fruit here in this dark but I cannot leave you behind again without you knowing  from my heart, the only promise that ever mattered to me was  your … Continue reading

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Where In My World?

Where in my world did you go? I’ve lost you. But I know, I remember, I still feel where we touched, how you gratefully smiled. I squeeze my eyes hard to clear them, but when I open them to look … Continue reading

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I Am

You never asked me  to be  someone other than who  I am. But when I’m with you  I catch me being  someone other than who  I really am.  When I notice this I realize  I shouldn’t be with you. But … Continue reading

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Not Quite Ready

Can you hear my heart beat from there? Tonight, with quiet surrounding me for the first time in a week, I can. It’s hanging out here, still on my sleeve, tender and a little bit sore. I’m surprised to find … Continue reading

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For Better And Worse

My life has changed a lot for better and worse, since I told you I couldn’t do worse with you any more waiting for life to get better. ~ cj 2012.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading

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Happy Valentines Day

There was that moment when you told me things were fixed. Do you remember? Tears of joy and gratitude rushed to spill down my cheeks because it had been a brutal day, everyone angry at me for something I didn’t … Continue reading

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Curtains

What we might have been  breezed through the room  so quickly, you missed the  billowing flutter  of curtains  I’d hid my heart behind. ~ cj 2012.02.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading

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Pearl

I was surprised to find a hole left behind where you just stood. It’s not a deep one; you were there but a moment in my life. I can bear it, so I think I’ll sit a bit and form … Continue reading

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Five Things About Online Dating

First, a definition….by “online dating” I’m talking about any situation where you become interested in someone online, with the intention of potentially meeting and dating them. This could be a formal online dating site, or maybe you’ve connected on Facebook … Continue reading

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I’m Not Broken

Don’t try to fix me, I am not broken. I’m a barnacle on a boat, shaped by the storms I’ve weathered and the surfaces I’ve attached myself to for survival. My shape, inside and out, suits me exactly as it … Continue reading

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The Elements & Result of Upset

********************** UPSET Three things create upset: Thwarted intentions, unfulfilled expectations and undelivered communications. All three are almost always present, but one of them is usually senior. When upset is present, the result is a drop in the level of participation … Continue reading

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Bad Ass Beautiful Thank You!

Over the course of the past few months, we’ve arranged, prepared, planned, packed for, sweated over, worried about, discussed, imagined, counted on, wondered, wished and dreamed for this weekend that just happened; the weekend when 9 bad ass beautiful women … Continue reading

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Lasting Peace and Strength

When you don’t like something about yourself or in your world… you can work to change it, learn to accept it, or attempt to control it. Acceptance will bring you lasting peace. Change will bring you lasting strength. Control may … Continue reading

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This Is MY Game

This is MY game. I CHOOSE my moves, and I make them. I will not roll over, stand by, or step aside. I am filled with confidence, certainty, and energy. I am fully focused on my envisioned outcome. I am … Continue reading

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Respectfully Walking Away

How do you walk away from someone that can’t be a part of your world anymore? Part of our journey is finding “the new”, making new friends, getting new jobs, buying new homes, new things. But as much of our … Continue reading

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A First Hello

And there you were already saying a first hello exactly on time before I was quite ready. You were everything and nothing like my wild mind had imagined you to be. And now that we’ve said a first goodbye, I … Continue reading

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Looking

There you are looking at me from your picture, green bedroom eyes and cutie pie smile, open and sweet. Would you blush to know I think you’re beautiful? I’m a bit pink from the telling. Your hat and you look … Continue reading

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Touched

You touched everything in my world until it began to ache so deeply to be touched by you that I couldn’t bear to let you touch me or anything in my world ever again. ~ cj 2011.12.29 Bookmark on Delicious … Continue reading

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Abandoned

You abandoned everything where it was, incomplete, messed up, broken, dead… …like us. You won’t return to complete, clean up, restore, resurrect… nor would I accept. And now I am left behind to recover however I am able from your … Continue reading

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The Rocks You Left Behind

This is one of my first iPhoto/YouTube videos. 🙂 These are the rocks you left behind on the land that we both loved. The ones you can see are hardened and cold and heavy. The ones you can’t are too. … Continue reading

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Each Moment

Each moment you’re alive, you have the opportunity to take a step. Sometimes the best you can do is a baby step. Other times, it’s a leap of faith. And without knowing it’s coming, once in awhile you step off … Continue reading

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Innocent Spouse

Innocent spouse, fraud on the community. That’s what it’s called when you say I do and you try and he tries and then he stops and turns on you blaming you and frauding what you’ve built, while you become helplessly … Continue reading

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Tangled

Today, I went in search of batteries for my heart rate monitor.  I knew they were here; I just couldn’t remember where I’d put them. You remember my heart rate monitor, don’t you?  It was the one that changed my … Continue reading

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Life Butterflies

Sometimes all it takes is the flutter of a butterfly wing to set your world in motion. The butterfly may only be there for a moment, but its flutter can change the course of a life. I’m so grateful for … Continue reading

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Where My Happiness Is

I saw you in my dream last night, over to the right and slightly behind where my happiness is located now. You watched me from a place you had no reason to revisit unless you were trying to catch a … Continue reading

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This Is YOUR New Life

This is your new life, my sweet friend, SM. And this ticker here? I made it just for you, to remind you of when it started. Each moment that passes is a moment further away from something you’ve outgrown and … Continue reading

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Outsider

on the outside, peering in a dirty window through a sleeve-wiped hole cupping hands round my eyes gazing at the love i see wondering how it feels to be safe like that no matter what. beaten, painfilled heart battered, struggling … Continue reading

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The Gingerbread Girl

This little gingerbread cookie jar is sitting on my counter right now.  She has some very yummy oatmeal cookies in her belly.  She has a big smile on her face, too.  She looks pretty harmless really, don’t you think?  Go … Continue reading

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Change

You can change everything about you, but nothing you change will ever change anything for me. ~ cj 2011.10.26 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading

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Welcome, Sweet Friend

It’s been a long battle, and I’ve watched you suffer at the hands of the heartless while you fought to reclaim me. I’ve been here, cheering you on, while you conquered demons that stampeded without warning from your past right … Continue reading

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MY New Life

I started a new life on 2011.01.01 I started MY new life on 2011.09.18 (at 9:10 am) Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading

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What I Have To Show

Since I broke up with you, I’ve been going through my house, removing all the piles, rearranging the furniture and everything else I own. I’ve made more progress in the month since I walked away from you, than I’ve made … Continue reading

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That Difference Mattered

My heart burned because we were so different in all the ways that mattered to me… while you burned all our possibilities focusing on differences that didn’t matter to me at all. That difference mattered. ~ cj 2011.10.14 Bookmark on … Continue reading

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Dear Mr. Perfect

You had everything right… brains, education, resources, privilege, possessions, position, and charm enough to convince the world from a distance, and for awhile me, that you had everything right. When I got close, though, I couldn’t help but see everything … Continue reading

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WooHoo

Hey look! The sun is up The day is new Fifteen minutes passed And no thought of you. The End. ~ cj 2011.10.06 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading

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No More

Since we met I’ve never said no to you, even when no would have freed me. I’ve looked away trapped in silence, no answer, shrugged. I bit my lip which you saw, and my tongue, so you couldn’t. I’ve said … Continue reading

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Thief

With all my heart I hope you love that man enough to pay back what you’ve stolen from him You held him tight while you were holding another extracting a promise that he’d deny his own nobility in exchange for … Continue reading

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Shivering

I left you alone, your last goodnight ringing in my ears, tears blurring my sight. I dimmed the lights quietly on my way out, and the truth is, I shivered from your cold. I wasn’t sure my heart was strong … Continue reading

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All My Life

All my life love equaled owning. It did not exist, love could not last, unless it stayed beside me tucked in with my life. Please know, I did not have to hold tight. Still, I could not imagine how to … Continue reading

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Last Call

GM …..Yes. A Good Morning. Call? …..I’m sorry; I will no longer take it. Listening. …..I have nothing more. Hey there. I hope you’re having a good day. …..I am sad, but I’ve reclaimed my heart. I will say goodnight, … Continue reading

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Relief

relief    escapes       in deep sighs    from my lips and heart relief    floods me       as i breathe          deeper now       away from you    than i dared anywhere near relief    kisses me       holds me          closer than       you ever cared to relief    touches me … Continue reading

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Remaining Fool

You are the only remaining fool for you. You are the only fool remaining for you. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Either way, a fool remains. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

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In Your Heart

I will not lie. Sometimes I wish I were living in your new house with you. It would be beautiful, but not because it is a new house. It would be beautiful because you are living there. Sometimes I wish … Continue reading

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Beware

Beware of one who calls upon you without warning or explanation, to offer you, especially you, a word of use-ful warning, without also offering a useful explanation of why she chose you for her calling. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Bookmark on … Continue reading

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Evil

The evil in the world skulks in darkness demanding silence for hoarded secrets. ~ cj 2011.09.22 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this … Continue reading

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Limbo

Limbo. That moment when my heart is so twisted up and unbalanced that all it would take is a whisper from you for me to fall back into your arms. ~ cj 2011.09.22 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend … Continue reading

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The Path of Proving

I have been thinking deeply about the path we’re each on in our lives. I’ve been watching closely to see what people’s prime motivations are. Sometimes they know and can easily tell me when I ask. Sometimes it is hidden, … Continue reading

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Deserving Soulmates

You are so very right You deserve each other in every kind of way. But I am not so sure I could swallow the words soul mates as uttered by you to describe your destructive alliance. Implying you own anything … Continue reading

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Give And Take

Allow yourself to show need, and learn how to take what is offered, accepting another’s generous gift with grace and humility. Do so with a wide-open heart, because there is no other way you can truly understand how to give … Continue reading

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Gifts

You lost all your gifts along the way running down a busy highway of fear chased by a runaway load of frightened imagination filled with terrors that wouldn’t come to pass. You anxiously dropped each one as you desperately struggled … Continue reading

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A Love I Can Hold Onto

You do not love me back  in any kind of way  I can hold on to.  I must let go  so I do not fall over an edge where I cannot be found or there is little left to recover. … Continue reading

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For You, Sweet Friend

Thank you for being part of my journey, sweet friend. I hope you find whatever you seek today, as I dream for you always. I wish you a memorable journey of beautiful moments strung together with smiles and love-filled hugs. … Continue reading

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Never Enough

All my life I was never enough for them or the others, for her, or him, then, for you, and mostly  definitely until now for me.  ~ cj 2011.09.17 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via … Continue reading

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Knock, Knock

Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s me; You know who I am. How are you? Are you alone and may I come in? It’s chilly outside and your heart is so warm. Our lives are scattered with beautiful moments when the … Continue reading

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Here We Go Heart

Here we go, heart. Are you packed up and ready to go? I’ve got Go Gordy And my map. What have you done to prepare? I’ve brought my journals and… Ah, I see you brought your passion. That’s good. Oh, … Continue reading

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Roger Ebert Is My Hero

Roger Ebert is My Hero. The link to the story is here: http://budurl.com/nprebert The screenshot of this part of his interview says exactly how I feel about being open. I put my heart out there, I tell my stories. I … Continue reading

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Heart Strings

Sweet man what is the thread that ties us from here back to there and to each other? It’s been so many days and so many loves since we held one another. You’d think any tie we had any sense … Continue reading

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Sweet Sup

No more crumbs I am not a baby bird dying for some chewed up puked out leftover love. No more lonely waiting for morsels of attention to fall my way while I sit like a sad puppy with big beggar … Continue reading

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Cravings

You have sampled my sweetest wares and know full well in your heart I’ll satisfy your deepest cravings. ~ cj 2011.09.13 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading

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Fifty Hours

A lifetime of knowing and never knowing you trails behind and stretches out in front of me. And now here we are fifty hours away from eleven hours together at our very best. I will try to be present and … Continue reading

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How To Be Perfectly Happy

Once upon a time, everyone I knew expected me to be perfect. When I wasn’t, I got into an extraordinary amount of trouble. Being infinitely flawed, never near perfect, I was nearly always in trouble. I was too loud, I … Continue reading

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The Details Do Not Matter

Do you know me? You no longer know my details. But in this moment they do not matter. I do want to tell you this much. This much I need you to know. I still play piano. Every single key … Continue reading

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Perfectly Happy

There is only one direction I can go from perfect and if I gained it, I would always be ripe for a fall from such a high perch. So I’ve made a choice to abandon perfect. And instead, I want … Continue reading

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Hollywood & Sunshine

Those were the days of Hollywood and Sunshine both of us shining stars glowing brightly in a different space. I stumbled by skinny in my brown polyester dress waiting tables hungry for food waiting on you starving for love. You … Continue reading

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Taker

You go deeper than the heart greedy taker-soul using Your love, like a shiny, sparkling hook fishing for another to feed Your raisin-shriveled heart. You say, “Pet Me, give to Me, look what I have home, car, money, manners, dress, … Continue reading

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My Heart (felt) Manifesto

I am your heart, and I love you dearly. You can feel me in your chest nearly all the time. I beat like crazy when you run. I know I wake you with panic often in the night. I soar … Continue reading

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Everywhere I Go

Everywhere I go, I go with my whole heart. It always lets me know it’s right by my side. Sometimes it screams when I’ve burned it raw And other times it makes me fly. But scream or soar, I will … Continue reading

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I Am Ok

I am ok. I don’t care. I don’t need you. You don’t matter. Until I wake. Or I sleep. Or I remember or I think. Until I see in my mind’s eye your eyes looking into mine. Until I go … Continue reading

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Begging The Universe

I woke this morning, begging the universe to erase this truth from my now open eyes, so the stone heavy ache in my heart would be lifted as I struggle to breathe. I was denied that relief, and shown two … Continue reading

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Digging Out Of A Ditch

When I was a teenager, I was in a band. One day, another band came in on their day off, and heard us play. The band members said “Hey, if you ever wanna move to Florida, you could join our … Continue reading

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