I Never Noticed Before

You’re like he is
hiding outside
he hid downstairs.

I called him excited
to say Woot!
your team won
He said yeah, I know.

I call you to share
what I’ve done.
You say good job
in monotone.

You don’t stand up
or take charge
when it matters

he said I don’t care
to nearly all that I asked
as a child.

and you never leave
except that one time
like he did when my mom
tried to remove his ring
using the disposal
as her tool
and you slept in
your truck in the road
after calling me
a dumb cunt.

they didn’t last
my mom & dad
She died eaten inside out
by the cancer.

We’re over too now
two years sooner than them

and although my guts
and my heart
feel eaten, destroyed
I’m getting out
while I still have
a chance to survive

my dad died with her
he never loved
or even really lived again.

and although you’re like him
I hope in the same way
My escape is different than hers
You’ll be different than him
and find your own way to live
and one day love again.

~ cj 2011.02.07

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