No More

Since we met
I’ve never said no
to you,
even when no
would have
freed me.

I’ve looked away
trapped in silence,
no answer,
shrugged.

I bit my lip
which you saw,
and my tongue,
so you couldn’t.

I’ve said
I don’t know,
maybe,
later.

I’ve even said
goodbye,
and hidden
for a time
pretending
to be free.

Often I’ve smiled
in discomfort
and let
your will
win over
my heart.

And much
much
too often
I’ve simply
forsaken me,
given up,
and convincingly
agreed yes.

I’ve never said no
because the price
was a handsome sum
I couldn’t afford
to pay.

But now,
after parceling
my change away
one tear at a time,
I’ve saved up
more than
enough
to buy me back
by saying
absolutely,
without a doubt
no more
ever again
to you.

~ cj 2011.10.05

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