Tag Archives: relationship

Remaining Fool

You are the only remaining fool for you. You are the only fool remaining for you. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Either way, a fool remains. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

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A Love I Can Hold Onto

You do not love me back  in any kind of way  I can hold on to.  I must let go  so I do not fall over an edge where I cannot be found or there is little left to recover. … Continue reading

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For You, Sweet Friend

Thank you for being part of my journey, sweet friend. I hope you find whatever you seek today, as I dream for you always. I wish you a memorable journey of beautiful moments strung together with smiles and love-filled hugs. … Continue reading

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Knock, Knock

Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s me; You know who I am. How are you? Are you alone and may I come in? It’s chilly outside and your heart is so warm. Our lives are scattered with beautiful moments when the … Continue reading

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Here We Go Heart

Here we go, heart. Are you packed up and ready to go? I’ve got Go Gordy And my map. What have you done to prepare? I’ve brought my journals and… Ah, I see you brought your passion. That’s good. Oh, … Continue reading

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Sweet Sup

No more crumbs I am not a baby bird dying for some chewed up puked out leftover love. No more lonely waiting for morsels of attention to fall my way while I sit like a sad puppy with big beggar … Continue reading

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The Details Do Not Matter

Do you know me? You no longer know my details. But in this moment they do not matter. I do want to tell you this much. This much I need you to know. I still play piano. Every single key … Continue reading

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Hollywood & Sunshine

Those were the days of Hollywood and Sunshine both of us shining stars glowing brightly in a different space. I stumbled by skinny in my brown polyester dress waiting tables hungry for food waiting on you starving for love. You … Continue reading

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Taker

You go deeper than the heart greedy taker-soul using Your love, like a shiny, sparkling hook fishing for another to feed Your raisin-shriveled heart. You say, “Pet Me, give to Me, look what I have home, car, money, manners, dress, … Continue reading

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I Am Ok

I am ok. I don’t care. I don’t need you. You don’t matter. Until I wake. Or I sleep. Or I remember or I think. Until I see in my mind’s eye your eyes looking into mine. Until I go … Continue reading

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No Dark Storms

If you will but visit when you are wind-battered you will find me here ready to hold you when you are too weary to hold your own. I will not clip your wings for my own gain. Instead, my belief … Continue reading

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My Need

My desire to be heard does not exceed my need to be treated with compassion in the face of my vulnerability. My willingness to accept your help does not exceed my need to be treated with grace in the face … Continue reading

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Tears

Months later, long after I felt sure I’d freed every imprisoned tear I could possibly shed, you were kind to me for a moment. What a shock to learn they’d not actually gone anywhere. Instead, they’d relentlessly replenished themselves and … Continue reading

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Full Force

I flung myself full force with complete abandon wrecklessly speeding racing barreling falling heart-all-in love with you. no barriers no boundaries little caution. but wait… the news in from the heart line reports a head-on collision recently occurred as an … Continue reading

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Drawn

you begin by believing you want to be near you are drawn like a moth to a flame. you are fascinated, attracted. you can’t possibly get there fast enough. stumbling over yourself, you fall like a meteor lightning speed record. … Continue reading

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The Fine Print

When it all went so terribly wrong, I initially believed I’d been fooled. I was angry that it wasn’t turning out as he’d advertised. But upon reading with newly found glasses I realized the fault was my own. I’d failed … Continue reading

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Left Behind

green shirt white shorts mellow music your book and a walking plan peppered kisses soft words blissful sweet satisfaction echoes of your voice a little burn on my face our beautiful dance the message you left behind by leaving all … Continue reading

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A Place Of Knowing

Something about you compels me. I want to share my secrets with you. I want to strip off my clothes in bright unforgiving light, exposing scars and my flaws so you can intimately and easily know. I want to fully … Continue reading

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Every One

In this moment Every one in my life loves me, with the possible exception of the only one I believed in this moment I most wanted it to be. ~ 2011.08.09 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading

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Unmistakeable

I can hear your heart in your breath in the air its loud insistence its gentle aching its almost insatiable longing are unmistakeable as anything other than love. I can hear your heart in your voice when it’s soft when … Continue reading

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A Book Shelf of Thoughts

What if you viewed your thoughts as if they were books on a shelf? You might have a standard favorite to get you through a situation. You choose it over and over, quote from it, memorize it, point it out … Continue reading

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Smile

Stingy smile Stretched thin, barely discernible as such without a good deal of imagination. It replaced, without warning, the broad gaping laugh that was filled with teeth, and the back of your throat. Do you remember it? I do. It … Continue reading

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Juggling Lies

Turn down the lights Please pour the wine The show is delightful tonight The star is dressed up Her shoes and hair shine And she’s a devilishly beautiful sight The stage is all set With dishes and props And a … Continue reading

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Gone

I walked in this room today, to find you just gone. Each thing you last touched, everywhere you last moved, the spot where you last laid your head down for a moment of rest, and some peace… It all still … Continue reading

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Impenetrable Wall

All In all you’ve built yourself One hell of an impenetrable Wall. So tall and thick That you can’t even see over it, or around it, and often mistake it for a wall you’ve convinced yourself belongs to me. So … Continue reading

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When I Find

When I find you we won’t be lonely anymore. We’ll cuddle close, dream dreams, and we’ll dance. We’ll walk through woods, splash waves gaze often at stars and the moon. We’ll be adored and assured laugh often, sing loud, cling … Continue reading

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Breeze

The guitar is still out, the jelly is here. The shirt is all folded and smells sweet of you. your hug tightly held with your gaze, in my heart i wonder if you’re hurt, surprised, too. it was only a … Continue reading

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Click

She closed the door quietly on her way out. So silently, in fact, that he didn’t hear the ever so subtle sound as that latch caught for her final time. So stealthy and slowly that he missed every sign she … Continue reading

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Protected: Taking Stock

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Unarmored Mercy

You’re under my skin against the meat of me, embedded in my flesh, holding my scarred heart, which is beating like hell, unarmored, mercy-filled, in your beautiful hands. Surprised, I don’t have any clothing in here; I’m a naked, raw, … Continue reading

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Butterfly

Yesterday, as I walked to the shed to salt the water, I caught a glimpse of the butterfly he put in a garden he created for me.  A butterfly, the symbol of a free life after struggle, is the only … Continue reading

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Vacations Over, What A Trip

Before I left, things weren’t right and I could scarcely wait to go, But while I was gone I lost my way, and the memory of what compelled my journey. Vacation tends to trip my mind It sends me places … Continue reading

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Finally, Broken, Silent

You’re gone and this is over finally broken silent the end of a journey I never dreamed would end with both of us still breathing It’s deafening, the loud quiet you left behind and the spaces where your shoes and … Continue reading

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A Feeled Trip to Remember (SparkPeople)

On January 1st I dropped a bomb in the middle of my life, setting off reverberations that echoed to my core in ways I never expected. I’ve been married for 21 years, and on the morning of my 21st anniversary … Continue reading

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Catch 22

if I step back you build a wall of why you’re right to say so long. if I stay close you charge me from your book of my done-wrongs Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via … Continue reading

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Sleep On It

Now I lay me down to sleep I know this road to love is steep If I should run for frightened sake Please hold on, there’s much at stake Before you say you’re done with this Close soft your eyes … Continue reading

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Delete

Something’s crawling up my skin from my toes to my scalp A noise Making the hair rise on my arms The blood rush loud in my ears My heart hammer out of its cage Creeping, choking, confining me With horror, … Continue reading

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Still Here

where your hand held my wrist and your lips kissed my cheek where my legs pulled you close to my soul You are here with me now my heart’s eye holds you near warm long past when you’ve let me … Continue reading

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The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)

I know it’s been awhile since I posted. I haven’t known what to say, and I haven’t wanted to say what I know. My husband and I are still going our separate ways. Let’s be honest, although we’re still living … Continue reading

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Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)

Originally posted on SparkPeople. Last Sunday, Feb. 20th, I completed my first marathon. My goal was to finish in under 6 hours, and I did it. My final time was 5:41:54. I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to … Continue reading

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Can I Admit?

what if you don’t like me? what if you do? …can i admit? either way i feel a bit nervous. ~ cj 2011.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading

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I Never Noticed Before

You’re like he is hiding outside he hid downstairs. I called him excited to say Woot! your team won He said yeah, I know. I call you to share what I’ve done. You say good job in monotone. You don’t … Continue reading

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Lonely

You are lonely. I am lonely. And we stay lonely. Who made that rule Who holds us there? Do we get a reward for this suffering? Or have we, by staying lonely created a space between Where a callous can … Continue reading

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Impossibly Far

Impossibly far from here we’re eating breakfast together eggs, mine covered in cheese, yours? I’m having steak, and you, local sausage. In common, too, we have cold and even a bit of snow My honey is pollenated by flowers far … Continue reading

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Feather

like a feather gently swirling over a cliff free floating white and graceful twirling from where it was to where it’s pulled by gravity by nature by aching and joy inevitable and peaceful dangling and lifting swelling and swirling spinning … Continue reading

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Strong Enough To Do A Load or Two

Two days ago, I had the emotional energy to do a single load of laundry.  It was the first time, since I’d begun peeling the layers that were us off my skin.  I watched it pile up day after day, … Continue reading

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Who Will?

You held me crying my heart out from losing my love. who will hold me now crying my heart out from losing your love. ~ cj Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading

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Small Big Things (SparkPeople)

Originally posted on SparkPeople. I have been writing, nearly non-stop, since I wrote to you here on Jan. 3rd. What I’ve written is here.  It’s also in my notebook, it’s in my correspondence with close friends. So I haven’t gone … Continue reading

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How

How did we get here? So lost from there nowhere near the there we were hoping to go. i’m not sure i can possibly know. ~ cj 2011.01.19 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading

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Layers of Adjustment

We adjust to our realities, to our lives, to our hopes, our dreams, our failures in layers. When we are young we are horrified by the notion of things we’ll never do again because we are too old. When we … Continue reading

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Let’s Just Agree

Let’s just agree that we’ll go our separate ways because there doesn’t seem to be enough room on this road together. instead of facing forward running smooth to our destination we’re turned in or turned out in a bad alignment … Continue reading

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Artifacts

When I pull away and look back at the artifacts the remnants and fabric of the life I’m leaving behind on the ground I see a sad combination of the hope & promise of life I was sure would continue … Continue reading

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No Thank You, I’ll Pass

walk away stop step back go leave resist can’t do hang on not yet do without restrain wait don’t mean put off not ready drop back de-escalate later no thank you i’ll pass. ~ cj 2011.01.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg … Continue reading

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A Short Essay On A Long Marriage (SparkPeople)

Originally published on SparkPeople. I can share here, right? I’ll tell you straight out what happened. My husband and I are separated. We got separated on January 1st, our 21st wedding anniversary. We didn’t get in a fight. It was … Continue reading

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Early To Bed

I go to bed early Hoping sleep will rescue me From the banal idiocy And false accusations That are my every evening I squeeze my eyes shut fast Hoping to grind to a halt Or at least quickly slow My … Continue reading

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Leaving

Is it too much Getting in here And finding I’ve left you a mess? Random Whatever comes to mind Blurted out to you It’s a lot For a stranger To pile this at your feet But my heart senses That … Continue reading

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Moving On

When someone moves out, moves on from my life I frantically clean after they depart move furniture around change how rooms look here and there, big and small, discard and replace rearrange my belongings so they look refreshingly new vary … Continue reading

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Flooding

memories     flooding         seeping             oozing                 creeping     lurking         leaking             slithering                 sneaking     grating         mocking             harassing                 shocking     haunting         nagging             biting                 dragging     gnawing         worming             clutching                 storming     draining         gushing             thrashing                 pushing     choking         stunning             stabbing                 running     flying         rushing             racing                 crushing     beating         savaging             kicking                 ravaging     pummeling         battering             pounding … Continue reading

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DamneD

dead deceived decomposed decreased decried defaced defamed defeated defenseless deficient defied defiled dejected deluded demolished demonized demoralized depressed deprived derided deserted despised destroyed desultory detached detested detracted devastated devoid devoured diminished diminutive dirty disappointed disapproved discharged disclaimed disconcerted disconnected discontiguous … Continue reading

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Little Man

on my desk is a little man with a teal green coat and a flag in his hands he says “ho, ho” like he’s having fun but I gotta say, he’s the only one he came at christmas bringing cheer … Continue reading

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The Only Place

I found this poem on 3.4.04. It was written on 3.27.01 the only place i can see you, the only way i can touch you, the only way we can be there again, is in my mind. I remember when … Continue reading

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Real Gold

Once you had it all in my eyes. The gold and beauty of you sparkled just beyond my reach. How desperate I became grasping for a mirage, a fantasy I desired with all my heart to be real. Now you … Continue reading

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Memories

How varied your memories are from mine as time passes. Your memories made you call me, made you want to say hi, like we were old chums. My memories made me sick with horror at the sound of your voice. … Continue reading

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