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Tag Archives: relationship
Remaining Fool
You are the only remaining fool for you. You are the only fool remaining for you. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Either way, a fool remains. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading
A Love I Can Hold Onto
You do not love me back in any kind of way I can hold on to. I must let go so I do not fall over an edge where I cannot be found or there is little left to recover. … Continue reading
For You, Sweet Friend
Thank you for being part of my journey, sweet friend. I hope you find whatever you seek today, as I dream for you always. I wish you a memorable journey of beautiful moments strung together with smiles and love-filled hugs. … Continue reading
Knock, Knock
Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s me; You know who I am. How are you? Are you alone and may I come in? It’s chilly outside and your heart is so warm. Our lives are scattered with beautiful moments when the … Continue reading
Here We Go Heart
Here we go, heart. Are you packed up and ready to go? I’ve got Go Gordy And my map. What have you done to prepare? I’ve brought my journals and… Ah, I see you brought your passion. That’s good. Oh, … Continue reading
Sweet Sup
No more crumbs I am not a baby bird dying for some chewed up puked out leftover love. No more lonely waiting for morsels of attention to fall my way while I sit like a sad puppy with big beggar … Continue reading
The Details Do Not Matter
Do you know me? You no longer know my details. But in this moment they do not matter. I do want to tell you this much. This much I need you to know. I still play piano. Every single key … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry, Writing
Tagged heartbreak, hollywood, love, past, poetry, relationship, sunshine
4 Comments
Hollywood & Sunshine
Those were the days of Hollywood and Sunshine both of us shining stars glowing brightly in a different space. I stumbled by skinny in my brown polyester dress waiting tables hungry for food waiting on you starving for love. You … Continue reading
Taker
You go deeper than the heart greedy taker-soul using Your love, like a shiny, sparkling hook fishing for another to feed Your raisin-shriveled heart. You say, “Pet Me, give to Me, look what I have home, car, money, manners, dress, … Continue reading
I Am Ok
I am ok. I don’t care. I don’t need you. You don’t matter. Until I wake. Or I sleep. Or I remember or I think. Until I see in my mind’s eye your eyes looking into mine. Until I go … Continue reading
No Dark Storms
If you will but visit when you are wind-battered you will find me here ready to hold you when you are too weary to hold your own. I will not clip your wings for my own gain. Instead, my belief … Continue reading
My Need
My desire to be heard does not exceed my need to be treated with compassion in the face of my vulnerability. My willingness to accept your help does not exceed my need to be treated with grace in the face … Continue reading
Tears
Months later, long after I felt sure I’d freed every imprisoned tear I could possibly shed, you were kind to me for a moment. What a shock to learn they’d not actually gone anywhere. Instead, they’d relentlessly replenished themselves and … Continue reading
Full Force
I flung myself full force with complete abandon wrecklessly speeding racing barreling falling heart-all-in love with you. no barriers no boundaries little caution. but wait… the news in from the heart line reports a head-on collision recently occurred as an … Continue reading
Drawn
you begin by believing you want to be near you are drawn like a moth to a flame. you are fascinated, attracted. you can’t possibly get there fast enough. stumbling over yourself, you fall like a meteor lightning speed record. … Continue reading
The Fine Print
When it all went so terribly wrong, I initially believed I’d been fooled. I was angry that it wasn’t turning out as he’d advertised. But upon reading with newly found glasses I realized the fault was my own. I’d failed … Continue reading
Left Behind
green shirt white shorts mellow music your book and a walking plan peppered kisses soft words blissful sweet satisfaction echoes of your voice a little burn on my face our beautiful dance the message you left behind by leaving all … Continue reading
A Place Of Knowing
Something about you compels me. I want to share my secrets with you. I want to strip off my clothes in bright unforgiving light, exposing scars and my flaws so you can intimately and easily know. I want to fully … Continue reading
Every One
In this moment Every one in my life loves me, with the possible exception of the only one I believed in this moment I most wanted it to be. ~ 2011.08.09 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading
Unmistakeable
I can hear your heart in your breath in the air its loud insistence its gentle aching its almost insatiable longing are unmistakeable as anything other than love. I can hear your heart in your voice when it’s soft when … Continue reading
A Book Shelf of Thoughts
What if you viewed your thoughts as if they were books on a shelf? You might have a standard favorite to get you through a situation. You choose it over and over, quote from it, memorize it, point it out … Continue reading
Smile
Stingy smile Stretched thin, barely discernible as such without a good deal of imagination. It replaced, without warning, the broad gaping laugh that was filled with teeth, and the back of your throat. Do you remember it? I do. It … Continue reading
Juggling Lies
Turn down the lights Please pour the wine The show is delightful tonight The star is dressed up Her shoes and hair shine And she’s a devilishly beautiful sight The stage is all set With dishes and props And a … Continue reading
Gone
I walked in this room today, to find you just gone. Each thing you last touched, everywhere you last moved, the spot where you last laid your head down for a moment of rest, and some peace… It all still … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, favorite, house, poetry, relationship
4 Comments
Impenetrable Wall
All In all you’ve built yourself One hell of an impenetrable Wall. So tall and thick That you can’t even see over it, or around it, and often mistake it for a wall you’ve convinced yourself belongs to me. So … Continue reading
When I Find
When I find you we won’t be lonely anymore. We’ll cuddle close, dream dreams, and we’ll dance. We’ll walk through woods, splash waves gaze often at stars and the moon. We’ll be adored and assured laugh often, sing loud, cling … Continue reading
Breeze
The guitar is still out, the jelly is here. The shirt is all folded and smells sweet of you. your hug tightly held with your gaze, in my heart i wonder if you’re hurt, surprised, too. it was only a … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged breakup, breeze, favorite, hurt, love, poetry, relationship
5 Comments
Click
She closed the door quietly on her way out. So silently, in fact, that he didn’t hear the ever so subtle sound as that latch caught for her final time. So stealthy and slowly that he missed every sign she … Continue reading
Protected: Taking Stock
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Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, Favorites
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship
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Unarmored Mercy
You’re under my skin against the meat of me, embedded in my flesh, holding my scarred heart, which is beating like hell, unarmored, mercy-filled, in your beautiful hands. Surprised, I don’t have any clothing in here; I’m a naked, raw, … Continue reading
Butterfly
Yesterday, as I walked to the shed to salt the water, I caught a glimpse of the butterfly he put in a garden he created for me. A butterfly, the symbol of a free life after struggle, is the only … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Essay
Tagged butterfly, divorce, poetry, relationship
Comments Off on Butterfly
Vacations Over, What A Trip
Before I left, things weren’t right and I could scarcely wait to go, But while I was gone I lost my way, and the memory of what compelled my journey. Vacation tends to trip my mind It sends me places … Continue reading
Finally, Broken, Silent
You’re gone and this is over finally broken silent the end of a journey I never dreamed would end with both of us still breathing It’s deafening, the loud quiet you left behind and the spaces where your shoes and … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, house, poetry, relationship, silence
Comments Off on Finally, Broken, Silent
A Feeled Trip to Remember (SparkPeople)
On January 1st I dropped a bomb in the middle of my life, setting off reverberations that echoed to my core in ways I never expected. I’ve been married for 21 years, and on the morning of my 21st anniversary … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
2 Comments
Catch 22
if I step back you build a wall of why you’re right to say so long. if I stay close you charge me from your book of my done-wrongs Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via … Continue reading
Sleep On It
Now I lay me down to sleep I know this road to love is steep If I should run for frightened sake Please hold on, there’s much at stake Before you say you’re done with this Close soft your eyes … Continue reading
Delete
Something’s crawling up my skin from my toes to my scalp A noise Making the hair rise on my arms The blood rush loud in my ears My heart hammer out of its cage Creeping, choking, confining me With horror, … Continue reading
Still Here
where your hand held my wrist and your lips kissed my cheek where my legs pulled you close to my soul You are here with me now my heart’s eye holds you near warm long past when you’ve let me … Continue reading
The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)
I know it’s been awhile since I posted. I haven’t known what to say, and I haven’t wanted to say what I know. My husband and I are still going our separate ways. Let’s be honest, although we’re still living … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)
Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. Last Sunday, Feb. 20th, I completed my first marathon. My goal was to finish in under 6 hours, and I did it. My final time was 5:41:54. I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, exercise, fitness, marathon, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)
Can I Admit?
what if you don’t like me? what if you do? …can i admit? either way i feel a bit nervous. ~ cj 2011.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading
I Never Noticed Before
You’re like he is hiding outside he hid downstairs. I called him excited to say Woot! your team won He said yeah, I know. I call you to share what I’ve done. You say good job in monotone. You don’t … Continue reading
Lonely
You are lonely. I am lonely. And we stay lonely. Who made that rule Who holds us there? Do we get a reward for this suffering? Or have we, by staying lonely created a space between Where a callous can … Continue reading
Impossibly Far
Impossibly far from here we’re eating breakfast together eggs, mine covered in cheese, yours? I’m having steak, and you, local sausage. In common, too, we have cold and even a bit of snow My honey is pollenated by flowers far … Continue reading
Feather
like a feather gently swirling over a cliff free floating white and graceful twirling from where it was to where it’s pulled by gravity by nature by aching and joy inevitable and peaceful dangling and lifting swelling and swirling spinning … Continue reading
Strong Enough To Do A Load or Two
Two days ago, I had the emotional energy to do a single load of laundry. It was the first time, since I’d begun peeling the layers that were us off my skin. I watched it pile up day after day, … Continue reading
Who Will?
You held me crying my heart out from losing my love. who will hold me now crying my heart out from losing your love. ~ cj Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading
Small Big Things (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. I have been writing, nearly non-stop, since I wrote to you here on Jan. 3rd. What I’ve written is here. It’s also in my notebook, it’s in my correspondence with close friends. So I haven’t gone … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on Small Big Things (SparkPeople)
How
How did we get here? So lost from there nowhere near the there we were hoping to go. i’m not sure i can possibly know. ~ cj 2011.01.19 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading
Layers of Adjustment
We adjust to our realities, to our lives, to our hopes, our dreams, our failures in layers. When we are young we are horrified by the notion of things we’ll never do again because we are too old. When we … Continue reading
Let’s Just Agree
Let’s just agree that we’ll go our separate ways because there doesn’t seem to be enough room on this road together. instead of facing forward running smooth to our destination we’re turned in or turned out in a bad alignment … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, poetry, relationship
Comments Off on Let’s Just Agree
Artifacts
When I pull away and look back at the artifacts the remnants and fabric of the life I’m leaving behind on the ground I see a sad combination of the hope & promise of life I was sure would continue … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, poetry, relationship
Comments Off on Artifacts
No Thank You, I’ll Pass
walk away stop step back go leave resist can’t do hang on not yet do without restrain wait don’t mean put off not ready drop back de-escalate later no thank you i’ll pass. ~ cj 2011.01.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg … Continue reading
A Short Essay On A Long Marriage (SparkPeople)
Originally published on SparkPeople. I can share here, right? I’ll tell you straight out what happened. My husband and I are separated. We got separated on January 1st, our 21st wedding anniversary. We didn’t get in a fight. It was … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on A Short Essay On A Long Marriage (SparkPeople)
Early To Bed
I go to bed early Hoping sleep will rescue me From the banal idiocy And false accusations That are my every evening I squeeze my eyes shut fast Hoping to grind to a halt Or at least quickly slow My … Continue reading
Leaving
Is it too much Getting in here And finding I’ve left you a mess? Random Whatever comes to mind Blurted out to you It’s a lot For a stranger To pile this at your feet But my heart senses That … Continue reading
Moving On
When someone moves out, moves on from my life I frantically clean after they depart move furniture around change how rooms look here and there, big and small, discard and replace rearrange my belongings so they look refreshingly new vary … Continue reading
Flooding
memories flooding seeping oozing creeping lurking leaking slithering sneaking grating mocking harassing shocking haunting nagging biting dragging gnawing worming clutching storming draining gushing thrashing pushing choking stunning stabbing running flying rushing racing crushing beating savaging kicking ravaging pummeling battering pounding … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry, Wordplay, Writing
Tagged breakup, estrangement, poetry, relationship, wordplay
2 Comments
DamneD
dead deceived decomposed decreased decried defaced defamed defeated defenseless deficient defied defiled dejected deluded demolished demonized demoralized depressed deprived derided deserted despised destroyed desultory detached detested detracted devastated devoid devoured diminished diminutive dirty disappointed disapproved discharged disclaimed disconcerted disconnected discontiguous … Continue reading
Little Man
on my desk is a little man with a teal green coat and a flag in his hands he says “ho, ho” like he’s having fun but I gotta say, he’s the only one he came at christmas bringing cheer … Continue reading
The Only Place
I found this poem on 3.4.04. It was written on 3.27.01 the only place i can see you, the only way i can touch you, the only way we can be there again, is in my mind. I remember when … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged estrangement, poetry, relationship
Comments Off on The Only Place
Real Gold
Once you had it all in my eyes. The gold and beauty of you sparkled just beyond my reach. How desperate I became grasping for a mirage, a fantasy I desired with all my heart to be real. Now you … Continue reading
Memories
How varied your memories are from mine as time passes. Your memories made you call me, made you want to say hi, like we were old chums. My memories made me sick with horror at the sound of your voice. … Continue reading
