Welcome, 2013….I’ve been waiting for you!
Every year for many years, I wrote a little foundation statement, or had a motto. I didn’t do that so much the past two years. In many ways, I was just fighting to survive and find my way at all.
I realized this past week how far down I’d gotten, when one of my friends made a comment on a post I made on Facebook. She reminded me not to let my daily to-do list get in the way of my dreams. That’s when I realized things had gotten so bad for awhile that even MAKING a daily to do list, let alone DOING it had become a dream.
In the past few weeks, something significant shifted in me. I’m not sure what the catalyst was. I suppose I could make a few guesses at what started me forward, but the more important thing to do is celebrate that I’m now FINALLY moving forward in a real, tangible way.
I’ve tackled some really significant things, I’ve made myself face extremely painful information and situations I didn’t want to face. I restructured some things that were causing me pain, and I made some decisions about what’s going to be next for me.
And I started a list of the lists I need to make. What happened was interesting – I didn’t finish the lists. Instead, I actually started tackling three of the areas in a tangible way. The progress I’ve made has energized me, hopefully enough to create the kind of momentum that will keep me going until the tasks are complete.
I don’t have all the answers for where I’m headed yet. But I have a lot of clarity, I have a great sense of the general path I’m interested in following with my life and my career, and I’m finally, after the past two years, just about giddy for what’s ahead. It’s the happiest I’ve been in many, many years.
This morning, for the first time since 2010, I wrote a foundation statement. My goal today is to go to Zilker, and while I’m walking/running, start to create an outline with my general goals for 2013.
I know a lot of people make and break resolutions, or refuse to even make them. I also know that making changes is an iterative, messy process that takes a good amount of adjustment, regrouping, self-awareness, and self-forgiveness. But I believe, more than I believe in anything else about myself, that I can make significant changes, even if it takes me years to get there, as long as I remain committed and keep trying.
Here’s what I’ve written for 2013 so far:
2011 and 2012 were a necessary part of moving towards the life I want to lead, but to a large extent, I didn’t spend them the way I want to spend my time moving forward. In hindsight, they were mostly the compost from which 2013 and the rest of my life is going to be able to grow, but other than that, as a whole, those two bad boys can suck it.
Life is so short, and I’m done sitting in the shit I’ve been sitting in.
I already started to make some pretty significant progress cleaning it up these past few weeks. I intend to continue to live my life much cleaner, and much more fully this year. I’m done with denying myself what makes me happy. I’ll never waste my time trying to be what someone else thinks I should be again.
I’m going to do what I want to do, what’s right for my heart and my mind, what makes my body tingly with joy. I’m going to do this without regret, and as much as I’m able to, without giving into fear or setting myself up for heartache.
I am going to fill my life even more with like-minded friends, partners, and loved ones who believe in grabbing what they most desire to enrich and fulfill their minds, hearts, and lives. I’m going to surround myself with people who are ready to go for it the way I’m gonna go for it this year.
I am going to love, experience, sing, learn, discover, enjoy, laugh, grow, soar, giggle, dance, and celebrate my way all the way through 2013.
I’m already in love fully with 2013. Here’s to choosing that THIS year not only isn’t going to break my heart, but instead will be a year I’ll remember as one of my best!
Cheers, 2013, and Happy New Year to my friends and loved ones. I’m READY to have some real fun!
Thank you, always, for reading what I write, and for letting me share this with you. What a compliment.
~ cj 2013.01.01