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Author Archives: cjromb
I’m Not Going Anywhere
“I’m not going anywhere” you’d said, while you extracted yourself from the wreckage, wanting space between you and the painful rift you’d ruthlessly, thoughtlessly, carelessly caused between us. “I’m not going anywhere”, you’d said, but then, unable to resist, you … Continue reading
It Left Me Room
At first a hole opened up in my evenings at the time you used to call, yawning, stretching out wide open empty, keeping me awake. It left room and time to reflect alone in the dark, to sink into the … Continue reading
FryDay Tears
Every Friday, Jeffrey Fry sends out FryDay humor to his email list. It always makes me laugh, sometimes pretty hard. Almost every Friday, I used to forward that email to my Dad, imagining him laughing. He forwarded me funny emails, … Continue reading
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is a sad one year anniversary for me. I made a choice because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. One year ago tomorrow was the day my husband and I stopped living together after more than 23 years. I’ve … Continue reading
A Silken Web
That first piece of silken web delicately, finely woven from there to here and back again. Swaying softly in the breeze hardly seen it didn’t look like it could hold a thing. In those moments it could have been broken … Continue reading
I Am The Boss
******** I Trusted You ******** I trusted you. I opened my eyes my heart my mouth my arms my body my legs I trusted you when you promised you wouldn’t that you truly wouldn’t. I believed between us that no … Continue reading
My Dad’s Hands
I loved my Dads hands. One of his fingers was crooked and one nail was bent. He wore his wedding ring still, even 30 years after my mom had died. His hands played piano and played guitar and laid out … Continue reading
The Bearable Weight of Uncertainty
I’ve always loved adventure. But there’s an odd dissonance inside me: I’ve always hated uncertainty. I dislike suspense more than anyone I know. I read the end of the book before I can settle into the story. I read the … Continue reading
Carrying The Weight of The Truth
I found the post below the line on Facebook today. I have no hope you’ll see this, and maybe that’s for the best. I do not want anything from you, and perhaps avoiding the truth makes carrying on easier… although … Continue reading
Beautiful Blue
There she is, vaguely bathed in beautiful blue light. She calls out to me, a lover in the dark, promising to soothe me if I sit down and slide my fingers over her. I do as she asks. how could … Continue reading
Understanding
Understanding why someone is upset doesn’t obligate you to be their target. ~ cj 2012.04.16 Picture taken from Flicker – Jim-in-times-square Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading
Life Blooms Again
I walked outside with my eyes and my heart open to discover that In spite of all the neglect and death I’ve been focused on around here, my flowers bloomed again, the hummingbirds came back to drink sweet nectar, Sarge … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry
Tagged 21anddone, blooming, breakup, divorce, life, pictures, poetry, relationship
3 Comments
Ego vs. Wisdom
I’ve reached that place in my life where my level of wisdom has bypassed the size of my ego. This allows me to see that I have something extraordinary to teach the world, while simultaneously realizing I have an extraordinary … Continue reading
Perfectly Beautiful Bellies
I found a site some time ago where women uploaded pictures of their bellies. Those women and those bellies had held life and lived life. And those women, by uploading those pictures, were somewhere on the path of learning how … Continue reading
Promise Me
Promise me if I wash my hands my hair my body that shirt those sheets this blanket promise me I’m not washing away the last of you from my life. ~ cj 2012.04.04 Flickr picture from rachelandrew http://www.flickr.com/photos/rachelandrew/409048810/lightbox/ Bookmark on … Continue reading
A True Friend
A true friend is someone you can share the WHOLE laugh with. ~ cj 2012.04.04 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post
Thud
Every spring for many years now, a red cardinal I call Thud shows up on my back deck. He perches on a chair or an empty pot, stares for awhile, as if thinking… …and then relentlessly and repeatedly slams into … Continue reading
Many Miles
Many miles between where I am here, and where I feel, I hope, I achingly wish to go. Traveling always traveling a rocky, twisted path, with no clear direction, no helping hand but my own, no light shining but my … Continue reading
Hunger
I let your feeder go dry I let you go hungry I wanted you to find food somewhere else I want you and your hunger to go away. I’ve got no heart left here to feed you. He loved you … Continue reading
How the Writing Begins
What you do is start writing and don’t filter yourself. It isn’t for them, it’s for you. Once you have the pinhole drilled, you can’t close it down. It becomes wider and wider. You get better and better at finding … Continue reading
Scream
A beautiful fire that burned sweet and warm in my heart Overheated with hate and blame Escaped Licking nasty flames Began burning my skin my soul So hot it blistered every inch of me peeling my bark exposing the core … Continue reading
It’s Good To Be Home. Thank You.
This is something I’ve wanted to say to you, my friends. I have my Facebook friends in my heart at the moment, but this is for all of my friends, 2D or 3D. I hope you have a moment to … Continue reading
Touching
you reached out, reached over reached first gently kindly firmly unexpectedly and took my hand. I liked the soft pads of your fingers, the dark silky hair the velvet inside of your wrists you didn’t grip or grab you … Continue reading
Velvet Kiss
velvet softness going down silken touching holding on fingers twining pulling close weakened knees and racing pulse gentle hands exploring nuzzles tightly tangled all night nestled sweetly sighing deeply breathing melting moist need rekindling all I ache and all I … Continue reading
Easy Was Too Hard For Me
Today I exchanged emails with someone encouraging me to “make this easy”. I explained to the person that I’m not interested in choosing “easy” for my life anymore. I already TRIED the “easy” way. As it turns out, it was … Continue reading
Mangy Yet Worthy
Maybe our fur is a little mangy and our nose is a little worn out from doors slamming in it, but we still have beautiful eyes to see the world with, and our hearts are still beating strong… And the … Continue reading
Dance for Your LIFE!
Oh, the blog title possibilities! Dance like there’s no tomorrow Dance like nobody’s watching Dance in the Rain Don’t Stop Dancing…or if you have? Start Dancing again! The message from me to you is the same, no matter what I … Continue reading
The Cold Side
I pile things on the cold side of my bed, and rarely clean it off because it’s lonely when it’s empty. If you were here, you’d warm that side. As luck would have it, it’s the one you like to … Continue reading
Feeling Good
A few weeks ago, my 11-year old doggie, Maggie, randomly figured out rolling over on her back and wiggling around feels good to her. Now? She does it all the time! She’s a great lesson for me. When things feel … Continue reading
Winds of Change
Doors close, windows open, a brisk breeze blows my world around clearing out all the ugly things that tear my heart from its hinges. I breathe in. Today is bitter hard yet better. Wherever I land When the wind stops … Continue reading
Forever Promise
I know it’s late to tell you and can bear no hopeful fruit here in this dark but I cannot leave you behind again without you knowing from my heart, the only promise that ever mattered to me was your … Continue reading
Where In My World?
Where in my world did you go? I’ve lost you. But I know, I remember, I still feel where we touched, how you gratefully smiled. I squeeze my eyes hard to clear them, but when I open them to look … Continue reading
I Am
You never asked me to be someone other than who I am. But when I’m with you I catch me being someone other than who I really am. When I notice this I realize I shouldn’t be with you. But … Continue reading
Not Quite Ready
Can you hear my heart beat from there? Tonight, with quiet surrounding me for the first time in a week, I can. It’s hanging out here, still on my sleeve, tender and a little bit sore. I’m surprised to find … Continue reading
For Better And Worse
My life has changed a lot for better and worse, since I told you I couldn’t do worse with you any more waiting for life to get better. ~ cj 2012.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading
Happy Valentines Day
There was that moment when you told me things were fixed. Do you remember? Tears of joy and gratitude rushed to spill down my cheeks because it had been a brutal day, everyone angry at me for something I didn’t … Continue reading
Curtains
What we might have been breezed through the room so quickly, you missed the billowing flutter of curtains I’d hid my heart behind. ~ cj 2012.02.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading
Pearl
I was surprised to find a hole left behind where you just stood. It’s not a deep one; you were there but a moment in my life. I can bear it, so I think I’ll sit a bit and form … Continue reading
Five Things About Online Dating
First, a definition….by “online dating” I’m talking about any situation where you become interested in someone online, with the intention of potentially meeting and dating them. This could be a formal online dating site, or maybe you’ve connected on Facebook … Continue reading
The Elements & Result of Upset
********************** UPSET Three things create upset: Thwarted intentions, unfulfilled expectations and undelivered communications. All three are almost always present, but one of them is usually senior. When upset is present, the result is a drop in the level of participation … Continue reading
Bad Ass Beautiful Thank You!
Over the course of the past few months, we’ve arranged, prepared, planned, packed for, sweated over, worried about, discussed, imagined, counted on, wondered, wished and dreamed for this weekend that just happened; the weekend when 9 bad ass beautiful women … Continue reading
Lasting Peace and Strength
When you don’t like something about yourself or in your world… you can work to change it, learn to accept it, or attempt to control it. Acceptance will bring you lasting peace. Change will bring you lasting strength. Control may … Continue reading
This Is MY Game
This is MY game. I CHOOSE my moves, and I make them. I will not roll over, stand by, or step aside. I am filled with confidence, certainty, and energy. I am fully focused on my envisioned outcome. I am … Continue reading
Respectfully Walking Away
How do you walk away from someone that can’t be a part of your world anymore? Part of our journey is finding “the new”, making new friends, getting new jobs, buying new homes, new things. But as much of our … Continue reading
A First Hello
And there you were already saying a first hello exactly on time before I was quite ready. You were everything and nothing like my wild mind had imagined you to be. And now that we’ve said a first goodbye, I … Continue reading
Looking
There you are looking at me from your picture, green bedroom eyes and cutie pie smile, open and sweet. Would you blush to know I think you’re beautiful? I’m a bit pink from the telling. Your hat and you look … Continue reading
Touched
You touched everything in my world until it began to ache so deeply to be touched by you that I couldn’t bear to let you touch me or anything in my world ever again. ~ cj 2011.12.29 Bookmark on Delicious … Continue reading
Abandoned
You abandoned everything where it was, incomplete, messed up, broken, dead… …like us. You won’t return to complete, clean up, restore, resurrect… nor would I accept. And now I am left behind to recover however I am able from your … Continue reading
The Rocks You Left Behind
This is one of my first iPhoto/YouTube videos. 🙂 These are the rocks you left behind on the land that we both loved. The ones you can see are hardened and cold and heavy. The ones you can’t are too. … Continue reading
Each Moment
Each moment you’re alive, you have the opportunity to take a step. Sometimes the best you can do is a baby step. Other times, it’s a leap of faith. And without knowing it’s coming, once in awhile you step off … Continue reading
Innocent Spouse
Innocent spouse, fraud on the community. That’s what it’s called when you say I do and you try and he tries and then he stops and turns on you blaming you and frauding what you’ve built, while you become helplessly … Continue reading
Tangled
Today, I went in search of batteries for my heart rate monitor. I knew they were here; I just couldn’t remember where I’d put them. You remember my heart rate monitor, don’t you? It was the one that changed my … Continue reading
Life Butterflies
Sometimes all it takes is the flutter of a butterfly wing to set your world in motion. The butterfly may only be there for a moment, but its flutter can change the course of a life. I’m so grateful for … Continue reading
Where My Happiness Is
I saw you in my dream last night, over to the right and slightly behind where my happiness is located now. You watched me from a place you had no reason to revisit unless you were trying to catch a … Continue reading
This Is YOUR New Life
This is your new life, my sweet friend, SM. And this ticker here? I made it just for you, to remind you of when it started. Each moment that passes is a moment further away from something you’ve outgrown and … Continue reading
Posted in Writing
2 Comments
Outsider
on the outside, peering in a dirty window through a sleeve-wiped hole cupping hands round my eyes gazing at the love i see wondering how it feels to be safe like that no matter what. beaten, painfilled heart battered, struggling … Continue reading
The Gingerbread Girl
This little gingerbread cookie jar is sitting on my counter right now. She has some very yummy oatmeal cookies in her belly. She has a big smile on her face, too. She looks pretty harmless really, don’t you think? Go … Continue reading
Change
You can change everything about you, but nothing you change will ever change anything for me. ~ cj 2011.10.26 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading
Welcome, Sweet Friend
It’s been a long battle, and I’ve watched you suffer at the hands of the heartless while you fought to reclaim me. I’ve been here, cheering you on, while you conquered demons that stampeded without warning from your past right … Continue reading
MY New Life
I started a new life on 2011.01.01 I started MY new life on 2011.09.18 (at 9:10 am) Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading
Posted in Writing
Comments Off on MY New Life
What I Have To Show
Since I broke up with you, I’ve been going through my house, removing all the piles, rearranging the furniture and everything else I own. I’ve made more progress in the month since I walked away from you, than I’ve made … Continue reading
That Difference Mattered
My heart burned because we were so different in all the ways that mattered to me… while you burned all our possibilities focusing on differences that didn’t matter to me at all. That difference mattered. ~ cj 2011.10.14 Bookmark on … Continue reading
She Let Go
SHE LET GO She let go. Without a thought or word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let … Continue reading
Mean by Taylor Swift
I love the tune, and the lyrics are perfect for where my head is at right now. 🙂 I made a page with the video and lyrics: Mean by Taylor Swift (video and lyrics) Here’s my favorite part of the … Continue reading
Relationship Addiction
This information came from a site called Relationship Addiction. I’ll blog and write more about this soon. For now, I think it’s important to put this out here, in case it resonates with you. Modeling has been shown to be … Continue reading
Posted in Blog Post
Tagged addiction, blog post, relationships
Comments Off on Relationship Addiction
Dear Mr. Perfect
You had everything right… brains, education, resources, privilege, possessions, position, and charm enough to convince the world from a distance, and for awhile me, that you had everything right. When I got close, though, I couldn’t help but see everything … Continue reading
Criminal by Britney Spears
I just can’t even begin to express how I feel about this song and an important conversation I had last night. Click on this page to see the video and the lyrics: Criminal – Britney Spears Bookmark on Delicious Digg … Continue reading
WooHoo
Hey look! The sun is up The day is new Fifteen minutes passed And no thought of you. The End. ~ cj 2011.10.06 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading
No More
Since we met I’ve never said no to you, even when no would have freed me. I’ve looked away trapped in silence, no answer, shrugged. I bit my lip which you saw, and my tongue, so you couldn’t. I’ve said … Continue reading
Thief
With all my heart I hope you love that man enough to pay back what you’ve stolen from him You held him tight while you were holding another extracting a promise that he’d deny his own nobility in exchange for … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry, Writing
5 Comments
See You Soon – Coldplay
In a bulletproof vest, with the windows rolled up, I’ll see you soon. I put the video and lyrics on this page: See You Soon by Cold Play Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading
Shivering
I left you alone, your last goodnight ringing in my ears, tears blurring my sight. I dimmed the lights quietly on my way out, and the truth is, I shivered from your cold. I wasn’t sure my heart was strong … Continue reading
All My Life
All my life love equaled owning. It did not exist, love could not last, unless it stayed beside me tucked in with my life. Please know, I did not have to hold tight. Still, I could not imagine how to … Continue reading
Last Call
GM …..Yes. A Good Morning. Call? …..I’m sorry; I will no longer take it. Listening. …..I have nothing more. Hey there. I hope you’re having a good day. …..I am sad, but I’ve reclaimed my heart. I will say goodnight, … Continue reading
Relief
relief escapes in deep sighs from my lips and heart relief floods me as i breathe deeper now away from you than i dared anywhere near relief kisses me holds me closer than you ever cared to relief touches me … Continue reading
Remaining Fool
You are the only remaining fool for you. You are the only fool remaining for you. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Either way, a fool remains. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading
In Your Heart
I will not lie. Sometimes I wish I were living in your new house with you. It would be beautiful, but not because it is a new house. It would be beautiful because you are living there. Sometimes I wish … Continue reading
Beware
Beware of one who calls upon you without warning or explanation, to offer you, especially you, a word of use-ful warning, without also offering a useful explanation of why she chose you for her calling. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Bookmark on … Continue reading
Evil
The evil in the world skulks in darkness demanding silence for hoarded secrets. ~ cj 2011.09.22 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this … Continue reading
Limbo
Limbo. That moment when my heart is so twisted up and unbalanced that all it would take is a whisper from you for me to fall back into your arms. ~ cj 2011.09.22 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend … Continue reading
The Path of Proving
I have been thinking deeply about the path we’re each on in our lives. I’ve been watching closely to see what people’s prime motivations are. Sometimes they know and can easily tell me when I ask. Sometimes it is hidden, … Continue reading
Walk It Back – R.E.M.
Where, where would I go How could I follow that Except to do what I did Walk it Back Lyrics: Walk it back Walk it back Walk it back What, what would you Have had me say Instead of what … Continue reading
Deserving Soulmates
You are so very right You deserve each other in every kind of way. But I am not so sure I could swallow the words soul mates as uttered by you to describe your destructive alliance. Implying you own anything … Continue reading
Give And Take
Allow yourself to show need, and learn how to take what is offered, accepting another’s generous gift with grace and humility. Do so with a wide-open heart, because there is no other way you can truly understand how to give … Continue reading
Gifts
You lost all your gifts along the way running down a busy highway of fear chased by a runaway load of frightened imagination filled with terrors that wouldn’t come to pass. You anxiously dropped each one as you desperately struggled … Continue reading
A Love I Can Hold Onto
You do not love me back in any kind of way I can hold on to. I must let go so I do not fall over an edge where I cannot be found or there is little left to recover. … Continue reading
For You, Sweet Friend
Thank you for being part of my journey, sweet friend. I hope you find whatever you seek today, as I dream for you always. I wish you a memorable journey of beautiful moments strung together with smiles and love-filled hugs. … Continue reading
Never Enough
All my life I was never enough for them or the others, for her, or him, then, for you, and mostly definitely until now for me. ~ cj 2011.09.17 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via … Continue reading
Knock, Knock
Knock, knock. Who’s there? It’s me; You know who I am. How are you? Are you alone and may I come in? It’s chilly outside and your heart is so warm. Our lives are scattered with beautiful moments when the … Continue reading
Here We Go Heart
Here we go, heart. Are you packed up and ready to go? I’ve got Go Gordy And my map. What have you done to prepare? I’ve brought my journals and… Ah, I see you brought your passion. That’s good. Oh, … Continue reading
Roger Ebert Is My Hero
Roger Ebert is My Hero. The link to the story is here: http://budurl.com/nprebert The screenshot of this part of his interview says exactly how I feel about being open. I put my heart out there, I tell my stories. I … Continue reading
Heart Strings
Sweet man what is the thread that ties us from here back to there and to each other? It’s been so many days and so many loves since we held one another. You’d think any tie we had any sense … Continue reading
Sweet Sup
No more crumbs I am not a baby bird dying for some chewed up puked out leftover love. No more lonely waiting for morsels of attention to fall my way while I sit like a sad puppy with big beggar … Continue reading
Cravings
You have sampled my sweetest wares and know full well in your heart I’ll satisfy your deepest cravings. ~ cj 2011.09.13 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading
Fifty Hours
A lifetime of knowing and never knowing you trails behind and stretches out in front of me. And now here we are fifty hours away from eleven hours together at our very best. I will try to be present and … Continue reading
How To Be Perfectly Happy
Once upon a time, everyone I knew expected me to be perfect. When I wasn’t, I got into an extraordinary amount of trouble. Being infinitely flawed, never near perfect, I was nearly always in trouble. I was too loud, I … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Perfectly Happy, Writing
Tagged essay, happiness, inspiration, life, perfection
12 Comments
The Details Do Not Matter
Do you know me? You no longer know my details. But in this moment they do not matter. I do want to tell you this much. This much I need you to know. I still play piano. Every single key … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry, Writing
Tagged heartbreak, hollywood, love, past, poetry, relationship, sunshine
4 Comments
Perfectly Happy
There is only one direction I can go from perfect and if I gained it, I would always be ripe for a fall from such a high perch. So I’ve made a choice to abandon perfect. And instead, I want … Continue reading
