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Category Archives: Essay
Live Crickets
Fifteen cents for a live cricket, caught in a pet store cage with other chirping crickets. A live cricket, unwittingly doomed to being bought by someone who has that necessary fifteen cents, on behalf of a bigger creature caught in … Continue reading
I Love
I chose, on purpose, during my darkest times, that love was the path I wanted to travel. I’ve chosen this over and over, even though choosing that wasn’t always easy. I knew how hard it would be. I knew I … Continue reading
I Am Her Master
This isn’t a poem. It’s not even an essay, really. I haven’t written much lately, because I knew if I did, my tears would cloud my vision, and my whole chest would clench into a ball. I knew it would … Continue reading
Resolve
Resolve. Such a perfect fit. conflict, solution, strength, determination, grit a noun, a verb, a new favorite word I’ve added to my growing list of powerful words I’ve fallen in love with It’s not likely a coincidence that it followed … Continue reading
Uprooted
What isn’t planted deeply enough, tended to with plenty of loving care, and carefully sheltered from possible harm, is ripe for uprooting or being blown away in the winds of a storm. How much can be weathered may not be … Continue reading
Staying Still In Front Of A Hill
I am staying still in the dark silence, alone, looking at nothing but an up hill, covered by an empty sky. After so much disappointment, I am not sure I believe anymore what I’ve always believed; that what matters, what’s … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Photography, Poetry, Writing
Tagged essay, life, photography, poetry, self discovery, transformation
2 Comments
How To Have A Jazzy Life
Jazz is all about musical improvisation. Only one mistake is possible, and that mistake is made when the players fail to take a next step, play the next bar, find that next beat that blends the step taken just before, … Continue reading
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Such a quandary; when to stay put and sit in peace to wait, and when to leave, because too much reasonable time has passed. It is my single greatest challenge, especially when it’s something my heart cares deeply about. Is … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Photography, Writing
Tagged choices, essay, life, love, photography, relationships, sunset
3 Comments
Lightning Bolt Reminder
There I was, on my back deck last night, commenting to the sky about the lack of a visible moonrise… okay fine… I’ll admit, I was complaining … and while I was at it, I’d brought up and was swirling … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Photography
Tagged essay, focus, lightning bolt, photography, present, reminder, self development, storm, transformation
5 Comments
What Today Wants
Blocked? Am I blocked if I have nothing to say about what happened in my head, in my heart, in my life, today? Perhaps using my words is not what today had in mind. Maybe today has heard enough of … Continue reading
Finding My Way In The Dark
Finding my way in the dark… Such an appropriate metaphor for me right now. This photo is a single long exposure of the Blood Moon total lunar eclipse on 2014.04.15. To do this, I put my camera on the manual … Continue reading
Giving Me Permission
I take photos of things other than the sky; I do! But for now, I like taking sky photos best. So I let myself take them, as much as I want, whenever I want. It is my gift to me, … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Writing
Tagged essay, kindness, life, patience, photography, self development, self-worth
4 Comments
Dirty Girls
I absolutely loved watching this scene play out Saturday morning at a restaurant where I was eating breakfast and talking with one of my best friends. (Pictures at the bottom) These two little girls were in a play area outside … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Photography, Writing
Tagged childhood, children, friendship, photography, poetry
2 Comments
Waving Goodbye And Crying
When we were little, we’d leave my grandma and grandpa’s house, and they’d stand in the doorway, waving goodbye, always smiling. My whole childhood, it was my grandpa and grandma, waving goodbye to my mom and dad and us kids, … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Writing
3 Comments
Color Blind
I spent a little time last year with a friend who was colorblind. “That’s a sad affliction”, I’d think, while I was photographing a gorgeous cloudless sky. “I hate that he’s missing out on the beautiful colors of this”, I’d … Continue reading
Simply Rich
Such a beautiful sunset, rich in simplicity. A few sweet details, more than enough to make it memorable. It was what I needed most…pure, clean, easy to be present for. I focused on what it was giving me, literally and … Continue reading
My Man In The Moon
What I felt when I took this photo is still with me when I look at it now. First thing in the morning, the sun was rising while the full moon was setting. The sunrise was beautiful to be sure, … Continue reading
Posted in Essay
Tagged essay, life lessons, moon, photography, photos, self development, self discovery, slowing down
5 Comments
Consuming Moments
The darkness consumed the last light of the day yesterday, as it exited in a mass of fiery yellow-orange clouds. The color spread everywhere across the sky, eventually turning pink, and then grey, while I captured what I could with … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Writing
Tagged consumption, essay, life, moments, motivation, self discovery, self-worth, sunset
7 Comments
Bird of Paradise
A bird of paradise solar-powered light was one of the first things I bought when I reclaimed my garden, a particularly painful place for me. For several years, I avoided it because it made my heart ache and caused me … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Writing
Tagged bird of paradise, divorce, empowerment, essay, garden, healing, light, long relationships, marriage, photos, recovery, relationship, self discovery
5 Comments
A Fun Piece of Team Work
My housemate and I hung out most of the weekend, running errands. When we started the day on Saturday, I was hyper aware that I never just hang with someone like that, running errands, and “having a day”. We’ve been … Continue reading
Golden Beauty In The Rain
These yellow flowers have shown up in my garden, growing wildly without my permission, without being planted there. They are far more beautiful than what I’d put in that spot. I’ve certainly learned that I miss beautiful moments in life … Continue reading
Magnetically Drawn To Sharing
I am finding myself magnetically drawn to sharing pictures I took on Saturday evening of the two accidents I was trapped by, for an hour, on I-10. I want to share my thoughts on this magnetic, somewhat morbid, urge, although … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Writing
Tagged accident, essay, online communities, photography, self discovery, sharing
11 Comments
Blossoming Into Themselves
All this unique beauty in these flowers, growing in the wild, blooming in the woods. If I hadn’t come by, it’s likely as not, no one would have noticed them. If I hadn’t been watching, who would have taken their … Continue reading
My Privilege
I heard Jacki Lyden on NPR say this to Dave Zirin yesterday: “Dave, thank you so much for joining us.” Dave said this back: ” My Privilege. Thank you.” So different, isn’t it, from the usual ‘My Pleasure’? ‘My Privilege’ … Continue reading
Music In Austin
I love how, when he moved, he became a somewhat transparent figure in this picture, fleeting, temporary…while his music equipment and the insistent beat stayed solid. It struck me how much this moment was so much like Austin as a … Continue reading
My Fearful Symmetry
I used to buy so many books, ignoring the “why-aren’t-you-normal” questions from my now ex-husband about what I was going to do with yet another potentially unread treasure crowding our shelves. How could someone who’s lived such a different life … Continue reading
Receiving Gifts
Last week, after all these years, I finally unwrapped the mystery of why gifts are not the way to this girl’s heart. It happened as I was explaining the five languages of love to a friend, while getting to know … Continue reading
Hard Squeeze
If you hold something loosely, it may not stay where you hope it will; you are so right about that. But the more you squeeze it, in an attempt to keep it where you want it, the more likely it … Continue reading
Fast Eddie at the Flower Shop
Poor Fast Eddie. She was unique and beautiful, and he fell in love immediately. You couldn’t miss that he had…he made no bones about it. “Wanna have a ball?” He wagged enthusiastically, and showed her his bright green ball. But … Continue reading
I’d Rather Be On My Own
I got this photo from my grandma’s neighbor last week when I went up north. My dad took that picture. We look like a normal, happy family on vacation in the Wisconsin Dells, if you don’t look too closely, if … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Writing
Tagged 21anddone, divorce, essay, family, independence, relationship
4 Comments
Chasmic Canyon
“I promise, I’ll be more present soon. And thank you for your angelic grace and undying patience.” His words barely reached me anymore, less and less urgent each time they echoed across the chasmic canyon gaping impossibly between he and … Continue reading
Replaced in 12 Days
I planted a garden this year, taking another step in reclaiming the space my (now ex) husband and I used to share. I wanted to see something growing here. I longed to experience new life again, in a home where … Continue reading
Broken Mess
Some broken messes can be fixed with enough effort and the right kind of care. Salvaging them might take several attempts, use multiple skills, require new approaches. Often seeking outside advice is what makes the difference. But the satisfaction of … Continue reading
ADD Key Kit
I posted this today on my ADD In Action Facebook page. For some reason, it made me giggle hard when I wrote it, so I thought I’d share it here. My version of a Swiss Army Knife. ADD Key Kit … Continue reading
Off The Shelf
This plant was green once, full of life and hope. Long tendrils of healthy leaves clung to well-watered vines, draping over shelves full of books in this home he and I built together. When I watered it up on that … Continue reading
Run Free
Maybe some women want a partner, whether that partner is wild or not, who understands and admires a woman who needs to run free. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading
Differently Pink Katydid
I wonder if this beautiful katydid knows that it’s pink? Is it self-conscious? Does it feel exposed or hide for being different? Or has it adapted, thriving because of the privilege and obligation of being different? Does it wish things … Continue reading
I’d Rather Be Alone
I always said I’d rather be lonely alone, than lonely with someone else. For years, I was so lonely with him, I did everything I could to stay busy so I wouldn’t notice. Finally, two years ago, I walked away, … Continue reading
No Winners
Sometime in 1994 or 1995, my now soon-to-be ex and I were in counseling. We’d separated, because I needed to be understood, accepted, and loved for who I was, and that’s not how I felt. During the counseling, our therapist … Continue reading
May They Love In Such A Way
I love how he holds her face, one of her little curls trapped under his fingers that no one cares are filthy. He’s reached out, determined to show her how he feels. He looks so sure of himself, going after … Continue reading
Summit Sunrise – Piano Recording
One of my closest friends made a comment about how what we’re both going through is like trying to reach a summit. We talked about how all the mistakes get made right before you reach the summit…but if you just … Continue reading
Be A Lighthouse
This essay has been a long time coming. It’s in my heart, it’s in my head. I’ve always loved lighthouses, and this concept has been a lighthouse for me as I navigate some major life transitions and try to find … Continue reading
A Leap of Faith To Make Myself Happy
I worked on paperwork again last week, yesterday, today to get myself out of this long-dead marriage. How can there be so much of this? I was so proud of myself; I am so past being angry, I’m giving up … Continue reading
This Morning’s Sunrise
This morning’s sunrise was so beautiful. I was on my deck, peanut butter and honey toast, coffee. At first, “Forever” started playing on my phone, an alarm I set that always makes me smile. But as I took some pictures … Continue reading
The Last Twisted Chapter
Today I am writing my side of the story, what I believe is true…detailing out what I am willing to pay as a necessary cost of closing the book on this part of my life. I’ve been through brutal heartache, … Continue reading
Rebuilding From A Fire
One day, driving around in 2002 looking for properties to renovate, my ex and I came up on a house that had burned. The front window was broken out. Ignoring his preference that I didn’t, I approached with my camera, … Continue reading
Welcome, 2013!
Welcome, 2013….I’ve been waiting for you! Every year for many years, I wrote a little foundation statement, or had a motto. I didn’t do that so much the past two years. In many ways, I was just fighting to survive … Continue reading
Solitaire
For the past several months, I’ve been playing Solitaire on my phone…sometimes to the point where I believe this to be a bit of an addiction…sometimes to the exclusion of other things I “SHOULD” be focusing on. Last week, I … Continue reading
I’m Proud of Myself
I came in 66 out of 67 in my age group for the 10 mile Run For The Water last Sunday. And can I tell you? I’m gosh-darn PROUD of myself! 🙂 Perhaps you wouldn’t be, and perhaps you think … Continue reading
Taking Out The Trash
I am taking out my trash, while I am noticing these things, so I text you all of this with pictures. It may be cheesy, it may be unconventional, but this is what I want to think about today. Here’s … Continue reading
No More Sheet Music
I’ve been playing piano since I was 5, and took lessons for well over 20 years….all classical, always reading or memorizing sheet music. I never learned improvisation, composition, chords and chord progressions or theory. About 2 years ago, I put … Continue reading
MY Music
I just created a space for myself on Soundboard to upload my piano creations. http://www.soundboard.com/sb/cjromb I have NO composition, chord progression or music theory training. I’ve been playing classical piano from sheet music since I was 5, but I’d largely … Continue reading
Sophie Mazzaro is My Hero
Sophie was my exchange student from Germany in 2008-2009. Here’s how this went in August of 2010, when she was visiting again: Me: Now that you’re out of high school, what do you want to do? Sophie: I’m probably going … Continue reading
How to Change the World
How to change the world, one heart at a time…. Take a risk, open up, reach out. You can pull back, you can recover if you get hurt. But why start out with a mile high wall no one can … Continue reading
Romance, Writing and Rock Star Dreams
From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be a rock star, and I wanted to be passionately loved. But as I got older, I saw my dreams dying on the … Continue reading
I Forgive You
No matter what you’ve done to me in my past or try do in the future, regardless of how much you’ve set me back in my life with your choices, in the face of how rude you are to me … Continue reading
Posted in Essay
Tagged divorce, essay, forgiveness, heartbreak, relationship
Comments Off on I Forgive You
Blu
I just took my Dad’s blu-ray player out of the bins I’d brought back after he died. I put the first Batman in it; I haven’t seen it yet, and a friend was kind enough to loan it to me. … Continue reading
5am Tension and Resolution
5 in the morning, I can’t sleep because I’m worried about Sophie and all the other big life changes I’m facing. I write some emails, I look on Facebook. Finally, unable to distract myself from it all, I escape to my … Continue reading
FryDay Tears
Every Friday, Jeffrey Fry sends out FryDay humor to his email list. It always makes me laugh, sometimes pretty hard. Almost every Friday, I used to forward that email to my Dad, imagining him laughing. He forwarded me funny emails, … Continue reading
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is a sad one year anniversary for me. I made a choice because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. One year ago tomorrow was the day my husband and I stopped living together after more than 23 years. I’ve … Continue reading
My Dad’s Hands
I loved my Dads hands. One of his fingers was crooked and one nail was bent. He wore his wedding ring still, even 30 years after my mom had died. His hands played piano and played guitar and laid out … Continue reading
The Bearable Weight of Uncertainty
I’ve always loved adventure. But there’s an odd dissonance inside me: I’ve always hated uncertainty. I dislike suspense more than anyone I know. I read the end of the book before I can settle into the story. I read the … Continue reading
Carrying The Weight of The Truth
I found the post below the line on Facebook today. I have no hope you’ll see this, and maybe that’s for the best. I do not want anything from you, and perhaps avoiding the truth makes carrying on easier… although … Continue reading
Ego vs. Wisdom
I’ve reached that place in my life where my level of wisdom has bypassed the size of my ego. This allows me to see that I have something extraordinary to teach the world, while simultaneously realizing I have an extraordinary … Continue reading
Perfectly Beautiful Bellies
I found a site some time ago where women uploaded pictures of their bellies. Those women and those bellies had held life and lived life. And those women, by uploading those pictures, were somewhere on the path of learning how … Continue reading
It’s Good To Be Home. Thank You.
This is something I’ve wanted to say to you, my friends. I have my Facebook friends in my heart at the moment, but this is for all of my friends, 2D or 3D. I hope you have a moment to … Continue reading
Easy Was Too Hard For Me
Today I exchanged emails with someone encouraging me to “make this easy”. I explained to the person that I’m not interested in choosing “easy” for my life anymore. I already TRIED the “easy” way. As it turns out, it was … Continue reading
Mangy Yet Worthy
Maybe our fur is a little mangy and our nose is a little worn out from doors slamming in it, but we still have beautiful eyes to see the world with, and our hearts are still beating strong… And the … Continue reading
Dance for Your LIFE!
Oh, the blog title possibilities! Dance like there’s no tomorrow Dance like nobody’s watching Dance in the Rain Don’t Stop Dancing…or if you have? Start Dancing again! The message from me to you is the same, no matter what I … Continue reading
Feeling Good
A few weeks ago, my 11-year old doggie, Maggie, randomly figured out rolling over on her back and wiggling around feels good to her. Now? She does it all the time! She’s a great lesson for me. When things feel … Continue reading
Bad Ass Beautiful Thank You!
Over the course of the past few months, we’ve arranged, prepared, planned, packed for, sweated over, worried about, discussed, imagined, counted on, wondered, wished and dreamed for this weekend that just happened; the weekend when 9 bad ass beautiful women … Continue reading
Lasting Peace and Strength
When you don’t like something about yourself or in your world… you can work to change it, learn to accept it, or attempt to control it. Acceptance will bring you lasting peace. Change will bring you lasting strength. Control may … Continue reading
Respectfully Walking Away
How do you walk away from someone that can’t be a part of your world anymore? Part of our journey is finding “the new”, making new friends, getting new jobs, buying new homes, new things. But as much of our … Continue reading
Each Moment
Each moment you’re alive, you have the opportunity to take a step. Sometimes the best you can do is a baby step. Other times, it’s a leap of faith. And without knowing it’s coming, once in awhile you step off … Continue reading
Tangled
Today, I went in search of batteries for my heart rate monitor. I knew they were here; I just couldn’t remember where I’d put them. You remember my heart rate monitor, don’t you? It was the one that changed my … Continue reading
Life Butterflies
Sometimes all it takes is the flutter of a butterfly wing to set your world in motion. The butterfly may only be there for a moment, but its flutter can change the course of a life. I’m so grateful for … Continue reading
The Gingerbread Girl
This little gingerbread cookie jar is sitting on my counter right now. She has some very yummy oatmeal cookies in her belly. She has a big smile on her face, too. She looks pretty harmless really, don’t you think? Go … Continue reading
What I Have To Show
Since I broke up with you, I’ve been going through my house, removing all the piles, rearranging the furniture and everything else I own. I’ve made more progress in the month since I walked away from you, than I’ve made … Continue reading
The Path of Proving
I have been thinking deeply about the path we’re each on in our lives. I’ve been watching closely to see what people’s prime motivations are. Sometimes they know and can easily tell me when I ask. Sometimes it is hidden, … Continue reading
Roger Ebert Is My Hero
Roger Ebert is My Hero. The link to the story is here: http://budurl.com/nprebert The screenshot of this part of his interview says exactly how I feel about being open. I put my heart out there, I tell my stories. I … Continue reading
How To Be Perfectly Happy
Once upon a time, everyone I knew expected me to be perfect. When I wasn’t, I got into an extraordinary amount of trouble. Being infinitely flawed, never near perfect, I was nearly always in trouble. I was too loud, I … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, Perfectly Happy, Writing
Tagged essay, happiness, inspiration, life, perfection
12 Comments
My Heart (felt) Manifesto
I am your heart, and I love you dearly. You can feel me in your chest nearly all the time. I beat like crazy when you run. I know I wake you with panic often in the night. I soar … Continue reading
Digging Out Of A Ditch
When I was a teenager, I was in a band. One day, another band came in on their day off, and heard us play. The band members said “Hey, if you ever wanna move to Florida, you could join our … Continue reading
I Love You Doesn’t Mean Anything
I Love You doesn’t mean anything…When you say it all the time…. I had a brilliant conversation this past week with a life coach and friend of mine, Lisa. I’ve been thinking for days about the many things we discussed. … Continue reading
First Day
Dear Mom And Dad, I know getting ready for a new school year is hard. I did it for 12 years with my beautiful boy. Getting that supply list and standing in line at Wal-Mart, Target with all those colored … Continue reading
A Book Shelf of Thoughts
What if you viewed your thoughts as if they were books on a shelf? You might have a standard favorite to get you through a situation. You choose it over and over, quote from it, memorize it, point it out … Continue reading
The Magic Of Accountability
Accountability is magic. Pure magic. Perhaps the structure, the tool, the software, the paper, the process…plays into it some, but for me, accountability is where the rubber squeals on the road. Last week, my friend Anna told me about her … Continue reading
Causing Our Own Demise
The Jealous cause their own demise. If you’ve had an insanely jealous partner, you know what I’m talking about. The jealousy comes from a fear of losing the love of that partner. What’s ironic, though, is that the jealousy (which … Continue reading
Isn’t It Obvious?
A friend of mine was telling me this last night about someone she knows. The person she knows sees successful people, and he gets really bummed about where HE’S at. She asks “Is that what you WANT to do? Is that … Continue reading
Protected: Taking Stock
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Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, Favorites
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship
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Butterfly
Yesterday, as I walked to the shed to salt the water, I caught a glimpse of the butterfly he put in a garden he created for me. A butterfly, the symbol of a free life after struggle, is the only … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Essay
Tagged butterfly, divorce, poetry, relationship
Comments Off on Butterfly
A Feeled Trip to Remember (SparkPeople)
On January 1st I dropped a bomb in the middle of my life, setting off reverberations that echoed to my core in ways I never expected. I’ve been married for 21 years, and on the morning of my 21st anniversary … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
2 Comments
The Ride To Happy (SparkPeople)
Are you happy. Don’t know? How about doing this exercise: Each day write down what percentage of the time you felt happy that day. Is that too long of a time period? Do you tend to write down how you’re … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, essay, happiness, motivation, sparkpeople
Comments Off on The Ride To Happy (SparkPeople)
The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)
I know it’s been awhile since I posted. I haven’t known what to say, and I haven’t wanted to say what I know. My husband and I are still going our separate ways. Let’s be honest, although we’re still living … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)
It’s Not The Decision That’s Hard (SparkPeople)
I wrote this mantra for myself this morning: **************************** I am so glad I made the decision I made. It was the right decision for me. And although it is going to be challenging to follow through on this decision, … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, essay, motivation, sparkpeople
Comments Off on It’s Not The Decision That’s Hard (SparkPeople)
Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. Last Sunday, Feb. 20th, I completed my first marathon. My goal was to finish in under 6 hours, and I did it. My final time was 5:41:54. I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, exercise, fitness, marathon, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)
Strong Enough To Do A Load or Two
Two days ago, I had the emotional energy to do a single load of laundry. It was the first time, since I’d begun peeling the layers that were us off my skin. I watched it pile up day after day, … Continue reading
