Today is my Dad’s birthday, or would have been. He died in May of this year, 6 months ago today.
Give him a gift, Facebook suggests. I would, I most certainly would. It’s not that I’m cheap, or don’t care, but he’s not here for me to give any gift to anymore. It aches and burns, but he had a long life and wanted to go.
I was there, with my son, for the 9 days before my Dad passed. That was the only gift, the last gift we could give him. And I do hope us being there for him, when he needed to go, was enough.
It’s all I had to give, but I’m proud I gave it with my whole heart. And the beauty of giving that to him was that he gave me so much more in return.
The precious, priceless memories I have from those days will never leave me. I got the treasure of an infinitely deepened relationship with my son, the bittersweet opportunity to experience someone I loved so much passing from this life, the tender moments of laughter, the tearful times spent silently holding his hands.
And in the end, when the only words he could still say were I love you, and the only person he could still see was me, I got redemption for and forgave him everything that had ever gone wrong between us.
So I gave him an early gift, the only one I had, and now I will spend his birthday appreciating the beautiful gifts he gave in return.
Happy Birthday Dad. I miss you dearly every day. My world isn’t the same without you, but you left something special behind. Thank you for YOUR gifts to me.
(P.S. I’ll hum Happy Birthday to you later. I promise.)
~ cj 2012.10.17
