What you do is start writing and don’t filter yourself. It isn’t for them, it’s for you.
Once you have the pinhole drilled, you can’t close it down.
It becomes wider and wider. You get better and better at finding the right words to shove through it.
You find the places to write where you can believe your words are safe, that no one will find them, that no one will judge you, including yourself.
You do what you can to speak up and speak out because when your words are in front of you, that’s when you begin to see how you really feel.
Words are not safe when you keep them inside. As you said, they are wild and crazy things with barbs and thorns. They pierce deeply, it’s true.
But they’re there anyway, you know they are, whether you let them out or not. That’s why my words get you, because they are your own eating away at your insides like mine ate away at me until I let them out.
You get to a place where those words just show up, ready. You can’t wait to spit them out so you can see what’s going on, and so you can stop hurting.
And then you get to a new place where you need to get them out so badly, you don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks.
That’s when the writing starts to help someone besides you. That’s when the walls come down and the heart of you shows and all the people who are dying inside can reach out and hold onto your words until they can find their own.
And that’s how the writing begins.
~ cj 2012.03.27
My sweet friend, the pain is fresh. But you will find your words, as I have found mine.
