All In all you’ve built yourself
One hell of an impenetrable Wall.
So tall and thick
That you can’t even see over it,
or around it,
and often mistake it for a wall
you’ve convinced yourself
belongs to me.
So familiar to your landscape
you believe it’s the way things should be.
So solid, pervasive
no
climbing
convincing
scaling
talking
chipping
crying
digging
discussing
blasting
begging
going around
getting past it
other than momentarily
and not fully at that.
If I choose this,
I’ll have to wait
and hope
with my whole heart
that one day
you’ll see it’s not needed
destroying it for yourself
on your own
letting the light all the way
cleanly and fully
in and out of your heart.
Until then, I have to stop being Flashlight Girl
It isn’t working to
run up and down the beach,
shining a light on this and that,
hoping you’ll see.
I’m running out of batteries,
killing my heart in the dark,
building myself one hell of
an impenetrable Wall.
~ cj 2011.07.29
That’s amazing! But what makes it amazing also makes it disturbing, because you seem to be suffering. It’s, without a doubt, thought provoking.
Thanx for reading this. I wrote a general reply to explain what Flashlight Man was if you’re interested.
It really matters to me that you’ve been coming here to read what I’ve been writing. I feel heard.
Masks are walls too. We all do both, to hold back the barbarian hordes, to find that they also stop ourselves too. Flashlight Man, an interesting phrase for the yearning to be free.
I’m posting a general reply here about Flashlight Man. Thank you for coming here and reading. But even more, thank you for saying what I write matters.
Flashlight Man is from a thing I talk about…Be a Lighthouse, not Flashlight Man. A lighthouse knows what it is. It sits on a rock that is perfect for it, and shines its particular light as bright as it can. The ships that want to come into that harbor can find it. The rest of the ships know it’s not the right harbor for them.
Flashlight Man tries to be everything to everyone. He runs exhaustively up and back down the beach, shining his light trying to get all the little boats in. He runs out of batteries, runs out of energy. He spends way too much time on each boat.
These were my original meanings for the lighthouse and Flashlight Man. I morphed it some, but it’s still true to the original meaning. A Lighthouse can also be a person who lives their lives as an example. Instead of TELLING someone what to ideally think/feel/act, they LIVE it. Flashlight Man spends his time chasing another up and down a beach trying to shine a light on himself and another trying to show the other how to ideally think/feel/act in some particular situation.
In this particular situation, Flashlight Man is just freaking sick and tired of trying to penetrate that wall and show the person in this poem what he’s doing that’s causing harm to himself and others. 🙂