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Tag Archives: breakup
Spent Moments
Even now with years gone by since you and I were us, I catch myself freely spending so many of my precious moments deeply missing who I believed you were. I don’t know why this is, when I am, at … Continue reading
The Magic is Gone
my breath catches behind the rising lump in my throat choking off all my best words, leaving them stuck and flailing for air. I am helpless to do anything but blurt and stammer and spit out the few that remain. … Continue reading
Posted in Photography, Poetry
Tagged breakup, endings, goodbye, heartache, photography, poetry, relationships, sunsets
3 Comments
The Miracle of Healing
I have to look quite closely now to find the seam where you carelessly cut me to the bone. You cracked me wide open, letting my guts spill out, exposed to your toxic dirt. Still hungry to hurt me, your … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, MM, Poetry
Tagged breakup, healing, heartache, poetry, relationship
4 Comments
Take Good Care
Take Good Care, I told you, and I left, because your heart wasn’t there, and you didn’t take good care of mine when it was. ~ cj 2015.04.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading
Never Ever
No one gets to treat me like you did, again, and over again. Not even, especially not, never, ever again, you. ~ cj 2015.02.18 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, MM, Poetry
Tagged breakup, dignity, heartbreak, poetry, relationships, self-transformation
2 Comments
Leaving Limbo
This was never Limbo to me, and as my heart heals, I discover the will to refuse that lie of a label I let you use far too long to describe how you left me holding and hanging while I … Continue reading
Posted in MM, Writing
Tagged breakup, heartbreak, limbo, music, photography, poetry, relationships
3 Comments
A Moment
a moment when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped so an ear could hear and an eye could see so a heart could open firmly and fully and let what is true in that moment and … Continue reading
Posted in MM, Poetry, Writing
Tagged breakup, heartbreak, life, loss, love, poetry, relationship, time, transformation
3 Comments
A Longer Moment
a moment a moment when a thing was said when a thing was said and another was felt when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped time stopped so an ear could hear time stopped and an … Continue reading
Posted in MM, Poetry, Writing
Tagged breakup, heartbreak, live, love, poetry, relationships, time, transformation
4 Comments
I Matter
It only took me a minute or two on the 17th to write Existing. I suppose it was ready to be said without much hesitation. But after I was done, I waffled back and forth for quite awhile before and … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, heartbreak, love, marriage, poetry, relationship, relationships
7 Comments
Existing
You treated me as if who I truly was didn’t exist so completely that who I truly was stopped existing when I was with you. When I left, you still treated me as if I didn’t exist so completely that … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, heartache, love, marriage, poetry, relationship, self discovery
1 Comment
I Should Have Known
He said “You should have known.” He’s right, you know. I should have known, because he should have told me. But now I know. I found out on my own. He should have known I would. ~ cj 2013.05.16 Bookmark … Continue reading
Replaced in 12 Days
I planted a garden this year, taking another step in reclaiming the space my (now ex) husband and I used to share. I wanted to see something growing here. I longed to experience new life again, in a home where … Continue reading
Until Tomorrow, Whippoorwill
The whippoorwill trills over and over in the night lonely, looking waiting for her to call back to him. Sometimes he hears her and they sing for awhile. Sometimes he gives up and goes to sleep until tomorrow. We used … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, heartache, house, marriage, relationship, whippoorwills
4 Comments
Stone, Stone Cold
Today is the first day I’ve written on stone paper. I find it cool to the touch and beautifully soft as I caress its pages with my fingers and press my pen into filling its lines. It is also the … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry, Writing
Tagged 21anddone, breakup, cold, hate, heartache, love, paper, poetry, relationship, stone, truth, understanding
Comments Off on Stone, Stone Cold
Opposites Attract
it hurts my heart less, …when we’re not connected… it hurts your life more. ~ cj 2013.04.02 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading
Your Shoes
I can’t imagine how you can stand in those shoes, how you can claim that they fit and spit shine them as if they were worthy of wearing. I can’t imagine even though I’ve been attempting for years to try … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, marriage, poetry, relationship, shoes, war
6 Comments
I’d Rather Be Alone
I always said I’d rather be lonely alone, than lonely with someone else. For years, I was so lonely with him, I did everything I could to stay busy so I wouldn’t notice. Finally, two years ago, I walked away, … Continue reading
Dead Tree
You mourned the dead tree more than you mourned the death that meant you’d never see the tree or me again. Now that I’m done mourning, you’re deader to me than any dead tree could ever be. ~ cj 2013.02.13 … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, poetry, relationship, war
Comments Off on Dead Tree
Complete Silence
Complete silence surrounds me, so loud I can hear your absence like a pin that hit the floor, and reverberated without warning, expanding quickly in my empty echo chamber, until it became a requiem filling a symphony hall, at the … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, heartache, heartbreak, marriage, music, noise, poetry, relationship, silence
2 Comments
Exposed
Twenty two years of seeing you naked and now that I know the truth, now that you’ve been exposed, I can’t remember what you look like naked. I can only remember how you looked to me, once I realized you’d … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, clothing, divorce, marriage, poetry, relationship
3 Comments
It Left Me Room
At first a hole opened up in my evenings at the time you used to call, yawning, stretching out wide open empty, keeping me awake. It left room and time to reflect alone in the dark, to sink into the … Continue reading
Life Blooms Again
I walked outside with my eyes and my heart open to discover that In spite of all the neglect and death I’ve been focused on around here, my flowers bloomed again, the hummingbirds came back to drink sweet nectar, Sarge … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry
Tagged 21anddone, blooming, breakup, divorce, life, pictures, poetry, relationship
3 Comments
For Better And Worse
My life has changed a lot for better and worse, since I told you I couldn’t do worse with you any more waiting for life to get better. ~ cj 2012.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading
Curtains
What we might have been breezed through the room so quickly, you missed the billowing flutter of curtains I’d hid my heart behind. ~ cj 2012.02.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading
Pearl
I was surprised to find a hole left behind where you just stood. It’s not a deep one; you were there but a moment in my life. I can bear it, so I think I’ll sit a bit and form … Continue reading
Respectfully Walking Away
How do you walk away from someone that can’t be a part of your world anymore? Part of our journey is finding “the new”, making new friends, getting new jobs, buying new homes, new things. But as much of our … Continue reading
Touched
You touched everything in my world until it began to ache so deeply to be touched by you that I couldn’t bear to let you touch me or anything in my world ever again. ~ cj 2011.12.29 Bookmark on Delicious … Continue reading
Abandoned
You abandoned everything where it was, incomplete, messed up, broken, dead… …like us. You won’t return to complete, clean up, restore, resurrect… nor would I accept. And now I am left behind to recover however I am able from your … Continue reading
The Rocks You Left Behind
This is one of my first iPhoto/YouTube videos. 🙂 These are the rocks you left behind on the land that we both loved. The ones you can see are hardened and cold and heavy. The ones you can’t are too. … Continue reading
Innocent Spouse
Innocent spouse, fraud on the community. That’s what it’s called when you say I do and you try and he tries and then he stops and turns on you blaming you and frauding what you’ve built, while you become helplessly … Continue reading
Tangled
Today, I went in search of batteries for my heart rate monitor. I knew they were here; I just couldn’t remember where I’d put them. You remember my heart rate monitor, don’t you? It was the one that changed my … Continue reading
The Gingerbread Girl
This little gingerbread cookie jar is sitting on my counter right now. She has some very yummy oatmeal cookies in her belly. She has a big smile on her face, too. She looks pretty harmless really, don’t you think? Go … Continue reading
Change
You can change everything about you, but nothing you change will ever change anything for me. ~ cj 2011.10.26 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading
What I Have To Show
Since I broke up with you, I’ve been going through my house, removing all the piles, rearranging the furniture and everything else I own. I’ve made more progress in the month since I walked away from you, than I’ve made … Continue reading
That Difference Mattered
My heart burned because we were so different in all the ways that mattered to me… while you burned all our possibilities focusing on differences that didn’t matter to me at all. That difference mattered. ~ cj 2011.10.14 Bookmark on … Continue reading
Dear Mr. Perfect
You had everything right… brains, education, resources, privilege, possessions, position, and charm enough to convince the world from a distance, and for awhile me, that you had everything right. When I got close, though, I couldn’t help but see everything … Continue reading
WooHoo
Hey look! The sun is up The day is new Fifteen minutes passed And no thought of you. The End. ~ cj 2011.10.06 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading
No More
Since we met I’ve never said no to you, even when no would have freed me. I’ve looked away trapped in silence, no answer, shrugged. I bit my lip which you saw, and my tongue, so you couldn’t. I’ve said … Continue reading
Last Call
GM …..Yes. A Good Morning. Call? …..I’m sorry; I will no longer take it. Listening. …..I have nothing more. Hey there. I hope you’re having a good day. …..I am sad, but I’ve reclaimed my heart. I will say goodnight, … Continue reading
Relief
relief escapes in deep sighs from my lips and heart relief floods me as i breathe deeper now away from you than i dared anywhere near relief kisses me holds me closer than you ever cared to relief touches me … Continue reading
Remaining Fool
You are the only remaining fool for you. You are the only fool remaining for you. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Either way, a fool remains. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading
Limbo
Limbo. That moment when my heart is so twisted up and unbalanced that all it would take is a whisper from you for me to fall back into your arms. ~ cj 2011.09.22 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend … Continue reading
Taker
You go deeper than the heart greedy taker-soul using Your love, like a shiny, sparkling hook fishing for another to feed Your raisin-shriveled heart. You say, “Pet Me, give to Me, look what I have home, car, money, manners, dress, … Continue reading
Begging The Universe
I woke this morning, begging the universe to erase this truth from my now open eyes, so the stone heavy ache in my heart would be lifted as I struggle to breathe. I was denied that relief, and shown two … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry, Writing
Tagged breakup, crossroads, life, love, relationships
7 Comments
Tears
Months later, long after I felt sure I’d freed every imprisoned tear I could possibly shed, you were kind to me for a moment. What a shock to learn they’d not actually gone anywhere. Instead, they’d relentlessly replenished themselves and … Continue reading
Full Force
I flung myself full force with complete abandon wrecklessly speeding racing barreling falling heart-all-in love with you. no barriers no boundaries little caution. but wait… the news in from the heart line reports a head-on collision recently occurred as an … Continue reading
The Fine Print
When it all went so terribly wrong, I initially believed I’d been fooled. I was angry that it wasn’t turning out as he’d advertised. But upon reading with newly found glasses I realized the fault was my own. I’d failed … Continue reading
Gone
I walked in this room today, to find you just gone. Each thing you last touched, everywhere you last moved, the spot where you last laid your head down for a moment of rest, and some peace… It all still … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, favorite, house, poetry, relationship
4 Comments
Breeze
The guitar is still out, the jelly is here. The shirt is all folded and smells sweet of you. your hug tightly held with your gaze, in my heart i wonder if you’re hurt, surprised, too. it was only a … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged breakup, breeze, favorite, hurt, love, poetry, relationship
5 Comments
Click
She closed the door quietly on her way out. So silently, in fact, that he didn’t hear the ever so subtle sound as that latch caught for her final time. So stealthy and slowly that he missed every sign she … Continue reading
Protected: Taking Stock
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Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, Favorites
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship
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Finally, Broken, Silent
You’re gone and this is over finally broken silent the end of a journey I never dreamed would end with both of us still breathing It’s deafening, the loud quiet you left behind and the spaces where your shoes and … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, house, poetry, relationship, silence
Comments Off on Finally, Broken, Silent
A Feeled Trip to Remember (SparkPeople)
On January 1st I dropped a bomb in the middle of my life, setting off reverberations that echoed to my core in ways I never expected. I’ve been married for 21 years, and on the morning of my 21st anniversary … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
2 Comments
Delete
Something’s crawling up my skin from my toes to my scalp A noise Making the hair rise on my arms The blood rush loud in my ears My heart hammer out of its cage Creeping, choking, confining me With horror, … Continue reading
The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)
I know it’s been awhile since I posted. I haven’t known what to say, and I haven’t wanted to say what I know. My husband and I are still going our separate ways. Let’s be honest, although we’re still living … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)
Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. Last Sunday, Feb. 20th, I completed my first marathon. My goal was to finish in under 6 hours, and I did it. My final time was 5:41:54. I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, exercise, fitness, marathon, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)
I Never Noticed Before
You’re like he is hiding outside he hid downstairs. I called him excited to say Woot! your team won He said yeah, I know. I call you to share what I’ve done. You say good job in monotone. You don’t … Continue reading
Strong Enough To Do A Load or Two
Two days ago, I had the emotional energy to do a single load of laundry. It was the first time, since I’d begun peeling the layers that were us off my skin. I watched it pile up day after day, … Continue reading
Who Will?
You held me crying my heart out from losing my love. who will hold me now crying my heart out from losing your love. ~ cj Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading
Small Big Things (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. I have been writing, nearly non-stop, since I wrote to you here on Jan. 3rd. What I’ve written is here. It’s also in my notebook, it’s in my correspondence with close friends. So I haven’t gone … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on Small Big Things (SparkPeople)
How
How did we get here? So lost from there nowhere near the there we were hoping to go. i’m not sure i can possibly know. ~ cj 2011.01.19 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading
Layers of Adjustment
We adjust to our realities, to our lives, to our hopes, our dreams, our failures in layers. When we are young we are horrified by the notion of things we’ll never do again because we are too old. When we … Continue reading
Let’s Just Agree
Let’s just agree that we’ll go our separate ways because there doesn’t seem to be enough room on this road together. instead of facing forward running smooth to our destination we’re turned in or turned out in a bad alignment … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, poetry, relationship
Comments Off on Let’s Just Agree
Artifacts
When I pull away and look back at the artifacts the remnants and fabric of the life I’m leaving behind on the ground I see a sad combination of the hope & promise of life I was sure would continue … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, poetry, relationship
Comments Off on Artifacts
No Thank You, I’ll Pass
walk away stop step back go leave resist can’t do hang on not yet do without restrain wait don’t mean put off not ready drop back de-escalate later no thank you i’ll pass. ~ cj 2011.01.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg … Continue reading
A Short Essay On A Long Marriage (SparkPeople)
Originally published on SparkPeople. I can share here, right? I’ll tell you straight out what happened. My husband and I are separated. We got separated on January 1st, our 21st wedding anniversary. We didn’t get in a fight. It was … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
Comments Off on A Short Essay On A Long Marriage (SparkPeople)
How Dare You
how dare you violate our friendship and me by taking more than I offered without asking or even explaining making me feel so awkward and unsure of the violations’s very existence that I keep silent allowing the unwanted affection to … Continue reading
Flooding
memories flooding seeping oozing creeping lurking leaking slithering sneaking grating mocking harassing shocking haunting nagging biting dragging gnawing worming clutching storming draining gushing thrashing pushing choking stunning stabbing running flying rushing racing crushing beating savaging kicking ravaging pummeling battering pounding … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry, Wordplay, Writing
Tagged breakup, estrangement, poetry, relationship, wordplay
2 Comments
Real Gold
Once you had it all in my eyes. The gold and beauty of you sparkled just beyond my reach. How desperate I became grasping for a mirage, a fantasy I desired with all my heart to be real. Now you … Continue reading
Memories
How varied your memories are from mine as time passes. Your memories made you call me, made you want to say hi, like we were old chums. My memories made me sick with horror at the sound of your voice. … Continue reading
