Where My Happiness Is

I saw you in my dream last night,
over to the right and slightly behind
where my happiness is located now.

You watched me from a place
you had no reason to revisit
unless you were trying
to catch a glimpse of my life,
while making sure
I knew you’d caught it.

The business you attended to
didn’t need to happen there.
or then.

I glanced over from my
exciting, moved-on space,
hoping my addiction
was healed enough
to face you
without turning into
a pillar of salty tears.

I breathed my relief audibly
to find indeed it was.
My heart beat, barely faster
and my moment’s presence
hardly strayed.

That show is finally over.

But somewhere not too deep inside,
I notice I equated love
with you showing up,
even though you didn’t smile
and we both kept our distance.

Nothing happened next
because I woke knowing
it was just a dream,
located slightly to the right
and not quite far enough behind
where my happiness is located now.

~ cj 2011.11.20