You sent me a picture
from where you are now.
I know it so well
it brings tears to my eyes.
It’s that treasured place
where we both used to be
when we believed we always would
and where we fooled ourselves
once we knew that we wouldn’t.
My heart quickened to think
I could drive there
walk in there
and see you
where you are now.
I look again
and I see
your bag and your books
on the seat
where I used to smile
over at you,
where you were.
You’d move them
to your side,
wouldn’t you,
if I came there to join you.
you’ve always,
and gladly
made a moment of space
for me in your life
when I show up and ask.
I know, too,
I would dearly treasure
that gift of a moment,
being there again
with you
where you are.
I blink,
and I look
one last time.
It’s hard to imagine
you’re there and I’m not.
But I will admit, too,
it’s a bit hard
now that I’ve left,
to clearly place myself
back there
where you are,
because even though
where you are
looks like the same place,
once the tears clear away
I see that it isn’t.
You couldn’t be
didn’t want to be
where I was
not for long,
not for more than those
treasured moments.
And I, with my
needy broken heart…
I had to let it go
to preserve where I was now.
Still, I sit here
from where I am now
while where we once were
fades from my sight,
hoping against all
futile hope
that you’ll find me again
before your bag and your books
and the rest of your life
fill all that remains of my seat
where you are.
~ cj 2013.01.25
