Shivering

I left you alone,
your last goodnight
ringing in my ears,
tears blurring my sight.

I dimmed the lights
quietly on my way out,
and the truth is,
I shivered
from your cold.

I wasn’t sure my heart
was strong enough
to click the door closed.
I was weak from
so many attempts.

So I left it open a crack
shhhh,
just in case,
then turned
and fled
bare-hearted,
scream stifled
down the hall.

The next day I snuck back
surely hundreds of times
cradling what I’d left behind
until I could let go
and slip away silently again.

I was so quiet
you didn’t know
I peeked to see
if you cared too,
but saw you
undisturbed.

A nine day journey
away from our room
has left a world full
of your cold silence
in my ears.

It has also
provided
my foolish heart
distance
enough now
to look around
and see
you’d actually left me
long ago.

I’ve warmed to
the truth that
you only lived
in this room
for a moment,
before you silently
left me alone
long ago
in what was left
of our world
with goodnight ringing,
tears blurring,
to find the truth
was shivering in
your cold.

~ cj 2011.09.27

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