Tag Archives: breakup

Spent Moments

Even now with years gone by since you and I were us, I catch myself freely spending so many of my precious moments deeply missing who I believed you were. I don’t know why this is, when I am, at … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Magic is Gone

my breath catches behind the rising lump in my throat choking off all my best words, leaving them stuck and flailing for air. I am helpless to do anything but blurt and stammer and spit out the few that remain. … Continue reading

Posted in Photography, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Miracle of Healing

I have to look quite closely now to find the seam where you carelessly cut me to the bone. You cracked me wide open, letting my guts spill out, exposed to your toxic dirt. Still hungry to hurt me, your … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, MM, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Take Good Care

Take Good Care, I told you, and I left, because your heart wasn’t there, and you didn’t take good care of mine when it was. ~ cj 2015.04.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Never Ever

No one gets to treat me like you did, again, and over again. Not even, especially not, never, ever again, you. ~ cj 2015.02.18 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, MM, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Leaving Limbo

This was never Limbo to me, and as my heart heals, I discover the will to refuse that lie of a label I let you use far too long to describe how you left me holding and hanging while I … Continue reading

Posted in MM, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Moment

a moment when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped so an ear could hear and an eye could see so a heart could open firmly and fully and let what is true in that moment and … Continue reading

Posted in MM, Poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Longer Moment

a moment a moment when a thing was said when a thing was said and another was felt when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped time stopped so an ear could hear time stopped and an … Continue reading

Posted in MM, Poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I Matter

It only took me a minute or two on the 17th to write Existing. I suppose it was ready to be said without much hesitation. But after I was done, I waffled back and forth for quite awhile before and … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Existing

You treated me as if who I truly was didn’t exist so completely that who I truly was stopped existing when I was with you. When I left, you still treated me as if I didn’t exist so completely that … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I Should Have Known

He said “You should have known.” He’s right, you know. I should have known, because he should have told me. But now I know. I found out on my own. He should have known I would. ~ cj 2013.05.16 Bookmark … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Replaced in 12 Days

I planted a garden this year, taking another step in reclaiming the space my (now ex) husband and I used to share. I wanted to see something growing here. I longed to experience new life again, in a home where … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Essay | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Until Tomorrow, Whippoorwill

The whippoorwill trills over and over in the night lonely, looking waiting for her to call back to him. Sometimes he hears her and they sing for awhile. Sometimes he gives up and goes to sleep until tomorrow. We used … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Stone, Stone Cold

Today is the first day I’ve written on stone paper. I find it cool to the touch and beautifully soft as I caress its pages with my fingers and press my pen into filling its lines. It is also the … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Opposites Attract

it hurts my heart less, …when we’re not connected… it hurts your life more. ~ cj 2013.04.02 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading

Posted in MM, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Your Shoes

I can’t imagine how you can stand in those shoes, how you can claim that they fit and spit shine them as if they were worthy of wearing. I can’t imagine even though I’ve been attempting for years to try … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

I’d Rather Be Alone

I always said I’d rather be lonely alone, than lonely with someone else. For years, I was so lonely with him, I did everything I could to stay busy so I wouldn’t notice. Finally, two years ago, I walked away, … Continue reading

Posted in Essay | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Dead Tree

You mourned the dead tree more than you mourned the death that meant you’d never see the tree or me again. Now that I’m done mourning, you’re deader to me than any dead tree could ever be. ~ cj 2013.02.13 … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Complete Silence

Complete silence surrounds me, so loud I can hear your absence like a pin that hit the floor, and reverberated without warning, expanding quickly in my empty echo chamber, until it became a requiem filling a symphony hall, at the … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Exposed

Twenty two years of seeing you naked and now that I know the truth, now that you’ve been exposed, I can’t remember what you look like naked. I can only remember how you looked to me, once I realized you’d … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

It Left Me Room

At first a hole opened up in my evenings at the time you used to call, yawning, stretching out wide open empty, keeping me awake. It left room and time to reflect alone in the dark, to sink into the … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Life Blooms Again

I walked outside with my eyes and my heart open to discover that In spite of all the neglect and death I’ve been focused on around here, my flowers bloomed again, the hummingbirds came back to drink sweet nectar, Sarge … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

For Better And Worse

My life has changed a lot for better and worse, since I told you I couldn’t do worse with you any more waiting for life to get better. ~ cj 2012.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Curtains

What we might have been  breezed through the room  so quickly, you missed the  billowing flutter  of curtains  I’d hid my heart behind. ~ cj 2012.02.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Pearl

I was surprised to find a hole left behind where you just stood. It’s not a deep one; you were there but a moment in my life. I can bear it, so I think I’ll sit a bit and form … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Respectfully Walking Away

How do you walk away from someone that can’t be a part of your world anymore? Part of our journey is finding “the new”, making new friends, getting new jobs, buying new homes, new things. But as much of our … Continue reading

Posted in Essay, Writing | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Touched

You touched everything in my world until it began to ache so deeply to be touched by you that I couldn’t bear to let you touch me or anything in my world ever again. ~ cj 2011.12.29 Bookmark on Delicious … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Abandoned

You abandoned everything where it was, incomplete, messed up, broken, dead… …like us. You won’t return to complete, clean up, restore, resurrect… nor would I accept. And now I am left behind to recover however I am able from your … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry, Visual | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

The Rocks You Left Behind

This is one of my first iPhoto/YouTube videos. 🙂 These are the rocks you left behind on the land that we both loved. The ones you can see are hardened and cold and heavy. The ones you can’t are too. … Continue reading

Posted in Visual | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Innocent Spouse

Innocent spouse, fraud on the community. That’s what it’s called when you say I do and you try and he tries and then he stops and turns on you blaming you and frauding what you’ve built, while you become helplessly … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Tangled

Today, I went in search of batteries for my heart rate monitor.  I knew they were here; I just couldn’t remember where I’d put them. You remember my heart rate monitor, don’t you?  It was the one that changed my … Continue reading

Posted in Essay | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments

The Gingerbread Girl

This little gingerbread cookie jar is sitting on my counter right now.  She has some very yummy oatmeal cookies in her belly.  She has a big smile on her face, too.  She looks pretty harmless really, don’t you think?  Go … Continue reading

Posted in Essay | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Change

You can change everything about you, but nothing you change will ever change anything for me. ~ cj 2011.10.26 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

What I Have To Show

Since I broke up with you, I’ve been going through my house, removing all the piles, rearranging the furniture and everything else I own. I’ve made more progress in the month since I walked away from you, than I’ve made … Continue reading

Posted in Essay | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

That Difference Mattered

My heart burned because we were so different in all the ways that mattered to me… while you burned all our possibilities focusing on differences that didn’t matter to me at all. That difference mattered. ~ cj 2011.10.14 Bookmark on … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Dear Mr. Perfect

You had everything right… brains, education, resources, privilege, possessions, position, and charm enough to convince the world from a distance, and for awhile me, that you had everything right. When I got close, though, I couldn’t help but see everything … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

WooHoo

Hey look! The sun is up The day is new Fifteen minutes passed And no thought of you. The End. ~ cj 2011.10.06 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

No More

Since we met I’ve never said no to you, even when no would have freed me. I’ve looked away trapped in silence, no answer, shrugged. I bit my lip which you saw, and my tongue, so you couldn’t. I’ve said … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Last Call

GM …..Yes. A Good Morning. Call? …..I’m sorry; I will no longer take it. Listening. …..I have nothing more. Hey there. I hope you’re having a good day. …..I am sad, but I’ve reclaimed my heart. I will say goodnight, … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Relief

relief    escapes       in deep sighs    from my lips and heart relief    floods me       as i breathe          deeper now       away from you    than i dared anywhere near relief    kisses me       holds me          closer than       you ever cared to relief    touches me … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Remaining Fool

You are the only remaining fool for you. You are the only fool remaining for you. ~ cj 2011.09.23 Either way, a fool remains. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Limbo

Limbo. That moment when my heart is so twisted up and unbalanced that all it would take is a whisper from you for me to fall back into your arms. ~ cj 2011.09.22 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Taker

You go deeper than the heart greedy taker-soul using Your love, like a shiny, sparkling hook fishing for another to feed Your raisin-shriveled heart. You say, “Pet Me, give to Me, look what I have home, car, money, manners, dress, … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Begging The Universe

I woke this morning, begging the universe to erase this truth from my now open eyes, so the stone heavy ache in my heart would be lifted as I struggle to breathe. I was denied that relief, and shown two … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Tears

Months later, long after I felt sure I’d freed every imprisoned tear I could possibly shed, you were kind to me for a moment. What a shock to learn they’d not actually gone anywhere. Instead, they’d relentlessly replenished themselves and … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Full Force

I flung myself full force with complete abandon wrecklessly speeding racing barreling falling heart-all-in love with you. no barriers no boundaries little caution. but wait… the news in from the heart line reports a head-on collision recently occurred as an … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

The Fine Print

When it all went so terribly wrong, I initially believed I’d been fooled. I was angry that it wasn’t turning out as he’d advertised. But upon reading with newly found glasses I realized the fault was my own. I’d failed … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Gone

I walked in this room today, to find you just gone. Each thing you last touched, everywhere you last moved, the spot where you last laid your head down for a moment of rest, and some peace… It all still … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Breeze

The guitar is still out, the jelly is here. The shirt is all folded and smells sweet of you. your hug tightly held with your gaze, in my heart i wonder if you’re hurt, surprised, too. it was only a … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Click

She closed the door quietly on her way out. So silently, in fact, that he didn’t hear the ever so subtle sound as that latch caught for her final time. So stealthy and slowly that he missed every sign she … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Protected: Taking Stock

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, Favorites | Tagged , , , | Enter your password to view comments.

Finally, Broken, Silent

You’re gone and this is over finally broken silent the end of a journey I never dreamed would end with both of us still breathing It’s deafening, the loud quiet you left behind and the spaces where your shoes and … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Feeled Trip to Remember (SparkPeople)

On January 1st I dropped a bomb in the middle of my life, setting off reverberations that echoed to my core in ways I never expected. I’ve been married for 21 years, and on the morning of my 21st anniversary … Continue reading

Posted in Essay, SparkPeople | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Delete

Something’s crawling up my skin from my toes to my scalp A noise Making the hair rise on my arms The blood rush loud in my ears My heart hammer out of its cage Creeping, choking, confining me With horror, … Continue reading

Posted in MM, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)

I know it’s been awhile since I posted. I haven’t known what to say, and I haven’t wanted to say what I know. My husband and I are still going our separate ways. Let’s be honest, although we’re still living … Continue reading

Posted in Essay, SparkPeople | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)

Originally posted on SparkPeople. Last Sunday, Feb. 20th, I completed my first marathon. My goal was to finish in under 6 hours, and I did it. My final time was 5:41:54. I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to … Continue reading

Posted in Essay, SparkPeople | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Never Noticed Before

You’re like he is hiding outside he hid downstairs. I called him excited to say Woot! your team won He said yeah, I know. I call you to share what I’ve done. You say good job in monotone. You don’t … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Strong Enough To Do A Load or Two

Two days ago, I had the emotional energy to do a single load of laundry.  It was the first time, since I’d begun peeling the layers that were us off my skin.  I watched it pile up day after day, … Continue reading

Posted in Essay, Favorites | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Who Will?

You held me crying my heart out from losing my love. who will hold me now crying my heart out from losing your love. ~ cj Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading

Posted in MM, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Small Big Things (SparkPeople)

Originally posted on SparkPeople. I have been writing, nearly non-stop, since I wrote to you here on Jan. 3rd. What I’ve written is here.  It’s also in my notebook, it’s in my correspondence with close friends. So I haven’t gone … Continue reading

Posted in Essay, SparkPeople | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

How

How did we get here? So lost from there nowhere near the there we were hoping to go. i’m not sure i can possibly know. ~ cj 2011.01.19 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Layers of Adjustment

We adjust to our realities, to our lives, to our hopes, our dreams, our failures in layers. When we are young we are horrified by the notion of things we’ll never do again because we are too old. When we … Continue reading

Posted in Essay | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Let’s Just Agree

Let’s just agree that we’ll go our separate ways because there doesn’t seem to be enough room on this road together. instead of facing forward running smooth to our destination we’re turned in or turned out in a bad alignment … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Artifacts

When I pull away and look back at the artifacts the remnants and fabric of the life I’m leaving behind on the ground I see a sad combination of the hope & promise of life I was sure would continue … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

No Thank You, I’ll Pass

walk away stop step back go leave resist can’t do hang on not yet do without restrain wait don’t mean put off not ready drop back de-escalate later no thank you i’ll pass. ~ cj 2011.01.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg … Continue reading

Posted in MM, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

A Short Essay On A Long Marriage (SparkPeople)

Originally published on SparkPeople. I can share here, right? I’ll tell you straight out what happened. My husband and I are separated. We got separated on January 1st, our 21st wedding anniversary. We didn’t get in a fight. It was … Continue reading

Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, SparkPeople | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

How Dare You

how dare you violate our friendship and me by taking more than I offered without asking or even explaining making me feel so awkward and unsure of the violations’s very existence that I keep silent allowing the unwanted affection to … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Flooding

memories     flooding         seeping             oozing                 creeping     lurking         leaking             slithering                 sneaking     grating         mocking             harassing                 shocking     haunting         nagging             biting                 dragging     gnawing         worming             clutching                 storming     draining         gushing             thrashing                 pushing     choking         stunning             stabbing                 running     flying         rushing             racing                 crushing     beating         savaging             kicking                 ravaging     pummeling         battering             pounding … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry, Wordplay, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Real Gold

Once you had it all in my eyes. The gold and beauty of you sparkled just beyond my reach. How desperate I became grasping for a mirage, a fantasy I desired with all my heart to be real. Now you … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Memories

How varied your memories are from mine as time passes. Your memories made you call me, made you want to say hi, like we were old chums. My memories made me sick with horror at the sound of your voice. … Continue reading

Posted in Favorites, Poetry | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments