Category Archives: Poetry

Spent Moments

Even now with years gone by since you and I were us, I catch myself freely spending so many of my precious moments deeply missing who I believed you were. I don’t know why this is, when I am, at … Continue reading

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Surreal

seeking, thinking, deciding, planning, closing, discarding, selling, purging, visiting, hugging, sharing, promising, preparing, packing, loading, cleaning, and then comes now… filled with nothing left undone. so one last look, more hugs goodbye. then leaving, driving, moving on. so real. surreal. … Continue reading

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Best Intentions

We are, each of us, exactly who we are, in spite of ourselves and who we try so hard to be. ~ cj 2016.01.05 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

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Skylark

I wonder if you remember with the warmth that I do, how you and the skylark never failed to save my heart and me from the frozen, pitch black winter the rest of my world was. ~ cj 2017.01.07 Bookmark … Continue reading

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Mistaken Identity

You thought that I’d found my soulmate. My whole heart believed I had, too. But then you chose another, so I had to let go of believing my soulmate was you. ~ cj 2016.12.23 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Torn

Torn in two missing you. ~ cj 2016.01.05 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post

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Heartbreak

The greatest heartbreak of my life is that no matter how much time I am given to love what I love, it will never, can never be enough. ~ cj 2015.12.10 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading

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Want To Live

I haven’t lived here in a long time. I *haven’t* lived here in a long time. I haven’t lived here in a *long time*.  I haven’t lived *here* in a long time. I haven’t *lived* here in a long time. … Continue reading

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Inside Me

When I am filled with the largeness and largesse of you, intense, in my space, inside, not even the skinniest whisper of a space remains anywhere in me for the fire of my fear, or the smoky smoldering shadow of … Continue reading

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Storm

A bad dream woke me this morning. In it, you announced, without your “hey there” kind warmth, “We need to talk.” My fear froze me, and my pounding heart held me still in a place I never want to be, … Continue reading

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Glorious Hope

The sun still rose on the day he and I had to say goodbye, confusing me. She must not have seen the painful storm raging in my heart, or she would have hidden her shining face behind blistery, broken-hearted clouds. … Continue reading

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Waiting

Waiting for no one to come home. ~ cj 2015.06.16 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post

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Witness

I would ache if a day slipped into night without notice. So here I stand at the ready, hoping I am prepared enough to bear witness for whatever, if anything, appears. Always, almost always, I am delighted by the sky’s … Continue reading

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A Poem Begins

a poem begins as a sense of something off kilter, a moment bursting with lost and confused, a deep need to have some unfleshed and often painful say that my voice doesn’t dare speak out loud. the words force their … Continue reading

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The Magic is Gone

my breath catches behind the rising lump in my throat choking off all my best words, leaving them stuck and flailing for air. I am helpless to do anything but blurt and stammer and spit out the few that remain. … Continue reading

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The Miracle of Healing

I have to look quite closely now to find the seam where you carelessly cut me to the bone. You cracked me wide open, letting my guts spill out, exposed to your toxic dirt. Still hungry to hurt me, your … Continue reading

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Take Good Care

Take Good Care, I told you, and I left, because your heart wasn’t there, and you didn’t take good care of mine when it was. ~ cj 2015.04.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading

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A Plea From Management

Dear heart what are you feeling, that you’d beat my chest with your fists like that, when he has yet to kiss me? And oh my, then there’s you, Miss busy brain. I thought at least you’d have some sense, … Continue reading

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I Will Miss

I will miss The hikes that would have left us breathless, under the dark skies our eyes would have adjusted to; the planes we might have boarded, to exciting destinations eagerly awaiting our arrival. I’ll miss the pictures we wanted … Continue reading

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Never Ever

No one gets to treat me like you did, again, and over again. Not even, especially not, never, ever again, you. ~ cj 2015.02.18 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

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Sublime

Sublime transports the night time on criss-cross clouds, to a pastel platform of peachy pink, suspending time for just a moment to gather the sun and leave darkness where I stand waiting, anticipating it’s serenely blushing arrival, both of us … Continue reading

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Sigh

I sigh when I’m soothed, so softly satisfied. I sigh, pulling in needed breath to ready for what’s next. Or I sigh to shake away what I don’t need anymore, and maybe just never did. I sigh when I’m smiling; … Continue reading

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Far Better

Far better it is to trip and fall, then to feed fear all your strength, leaving you too weak to try dancing to the music at all. ~ cj 2015.01.21 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share … Continue reading

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Be Safe

Oh my heart’s dearest pain, no need to worry, I’m safer here, running far, driving fast, going where I’ve never been, and don’t yet know the way. I’m safer here on my own, worlds away from where you try to … Continue reading

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Tender

you cannot cut and cut and cut, again and over again, feasting without regard, and then expect to come back and find more tender meat to filet from my raw naked bones. ~ cj 2014.11.25 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this … Continue reading

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Still Stuck Sitting Still

so many things we could have said, I could have said. so many ideas for how to get through this moment. and yet, we are still here, I am still here, still sitting here, here sitting still, still stuck and … Continue reading

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Lonely Has To Sleep Elsewhere

This past Friday, I moved into my smallest bedroom and gave my big room to a weekend guest. Too many rooms to choose from. I could have slept in one with a larger bed, but it was so neat in … Continue reading

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I Think You Knew

There you were, a curious spirit standing apart from the others, watching me. When I noticed you, you came towards me immediately, bright eyes shining with hope. We’d only just met, yet you chanced getting closer, wanting to catch my … Continue reading

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I Am

Take Care, he wrote. I am, I replied. Finally, I am, I thought. Finally, starting now, I hope I am. Then, I added Thank you. I added it but I don’t know why. Perhaps it will be a final tip … Continue reading

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Disregarded Matter

There are two kinds of people who don’t matter enough to themselves. One of them gives a whole heart away without regard to the cost. The other treats that person’s heart with the same disregard. What a pain-filled matter love … Continue reading

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The Same Sky

You are alive, growing, a leaf, a branch, a ring at a time, stubbornly rooted in an earth of your choosing. I see now that I was but a colorful streak of dusk-time fun splaying and twisting through the same … Continue reading

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A Moment

a moment when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped so an ear could hear and an eye could see so a heart could open firmly and fully and let what is true in that moment and … Continue reading

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A Longer Moment

a moment a moment when a thing was said when a thing was said and another was felt when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped time stopped so an ear could hear time stopped and an … Continue reading

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Impossible Destiny

There is so much distance between where I am, and where I dream of being. And I may never get there. But maybe, but maybe, you’ll hold me for tonight. So I can dream I’m there again and maybe, and … Continue reading

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Genderational Relations

A lifetime of men who couldn’t see who I was because a lifetime of women blinded them and shamed their broken hearts because another lifetime of men couldn’t see who they were and on and on it goes while I … Continue reading

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Truly Home

a year ago today I stood in my brother’s driveway, barely able to stand waiting to see you come round the corner. be safe, but hurry, hurry nearly hopping up and down, cuz I didn’t wanna wait anymore. then suddenly, … Continue reading

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On A Wing And A Dare

I cried out to the sky one beautiful eve how do I get from this heavy moment to the one where I’ve made my dreams true, when so much debris is piled on my path? The sky sighed, oh dear, … Continue reading

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How To Avoid Getting Burned

How to Avoid Getting Burned: Reduce your sensitivity, or Reduce your exposure. Sounds easy, Feels impossible. ~ cj 2014.06.20 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading

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Uprooted

What isn’t planted deeply enough, tended to with plenty of loving care, and carefully sheltered from possible harm, is ripe for uprooting or being blown away in the winds of a storm. How much can be weathered may not be … Continue reading

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Staying Still In Front Of A Hill

I am staying still in the dark silence, alone, looking at nothing but an up hill, covered by an empty sky. After so much disappointment, I am not sure I believe anymore what I’ve always believed; that what matters, what’s … Continue reading

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Protected: I Hate These Moments

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Light

One light came on, as another faded. As life turned out, there was no reason to fear the dark. ~ cj 2014.05.08 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it … Continue reading

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Intersection

I am a moment of sweet pity in a parking lot on a Saturday night; a half day of homework with a friend who’s learning what I used to love; a place to stay the night before a race I … Continue reading

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Mattering

Back then it was easy to convince myself that I mattered. But contrary evidence presented itself over and over that I didn’t. So when I couldn’t convince myself anymore, I walked away from all that mattered to me. And now, … Continue reading

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Being Present

Although it seems there’s much to attend to, while being present for the one who is leaving, there’s not a thing to attend to that matters as much as being present to the one who is leaving. ~ cj 2014.03.26 … Continue reading

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No Bone Picking

I’m not close enough to your bones to even notice if there’s meat to pick off them. You’re not my kind of dish anyway. I like the sweet, the salty, the creamy. I love to savor and enjoy. I don’t … Continue reading

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The Best Ever!

Nearly every day, often more than once, I stand outside with my camera pointed at the sky. I’m taking photos of everything I possibly can. Sometimes there’s so much beauty, I need two cameras! And at least once every time, … Continue reading

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There Is No Such Thing

I’m not broken enough anymore to believe I can fix me, by fixing what is broken in you. I’m not lost enough anymore to believe I’ll find my way by telling you how to head where I think you should … Continue reading

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Mean Teachers

The most meaningful lessons I’ve learned from mean teachers are the ones they didn’t mean to teach me. ~ cj 2014.03.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading

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Whole Enough

I am not whole in the way I view you to be. I cannot yet sit still and allow simply being to wash over me. Although I can, I do not like to stand on my own, isolated, uncomfortable, alone. … Continue reading

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That Was Easy

Such a simple answer to the coldness on that side of the bed. I have a heated mattress pad. This morning it occurred to me to switch that side of it on, and then slide my hand over there, imagining … Continue reading

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Brave

Click to see short video clip of blue sky, white cloud, tree-filled stills. It’s easy for me to be brave, when my chin is up, and I’m looking at the sky. ~ cj 2014.02.02 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Good Boy

frightened boy kneeling in obedience until your freckled knees bled while they committed their sins to your tender bare flesh biting your lips and hating your tears and heading right straight to hell every single time for doubting God’s plan … Continue reading

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Shattered

Beautiful, but so very cold when I touched it. Misleading, it turned out to be nearly hollow. Everything inside it drained out as soon as I tipped it a little. I took some photos so I would remember, then shattered … Continue reading

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Bleeding Freedom

I picked at myself, mercilessly digging ragged nails deep into my flesh, an endless cycle of scratches and scabs and scars. I needed something, anything, to dig into me deeper than you did. I made everything bleed, little places, small … Continue reading

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Looking Glass

Ah, it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen you here. How are you? How have you been? Oh, good, good. Just fine. Going well. In fact, things are looking magnificently up. I feign earnest and glance upward as … Continue reading

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I Can’t Do This Alone

I thought I’d do anything to be happy with you, rather than being Alone. What I really want, though, is just to be happy, and there’s nothing I can do Alone to be happy with you. ~ cj 2013.11.27 Bookmark … Continue reading

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My Wish For You

My Wish For You May the moments between this one, when our paths crossed, and the moment you leave this world, be filled as often as possible with child-eyed playful wonder. ~ cj 2013.11.15 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Peace Filled Grace

Peace-filled grace carries you gently across my evening sky. A glow shines from your colorful heart, soft, undeniable. Shaped in each moment by what can be seen, and by what never will, you appear, as you float by, to be … Continue reading

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My Proposal

No one else is going to let us carry on, like this, together, so let’s just carry on together, like this, without them. ~ cj 2013.11.13 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading

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I Am Lonely Tonight

I am lonely tonight, will you stand here for me? So I can sketch you in colors of the sunset and sea. I’ll tell you a story or write a breaking heart poem if you’ll sit here with me so … Continue reading

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Leaving The Vets’ Alone

He bent down with a few scraps of toweling to wipe up an accidental puddle, bringing him eye level with one of my tail-wagging doggies. He patted her and smiled just a little, then murmured something to her that I … Continue reading

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Last Pound of Flesh

I have gone hungry already, and I will go hungry again because you thieved from me, wrapping what you took in juicy lies that you thickly layered on me and then them, but mostly on you, buttering them up, so … Continue reading

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A Way To Be Free Of The Mess

It’s time to clean up and put away everything that hasn’t already run out or broken, so I can be free of this mess. I always think I’ll replace what’s run out, and fix all that is broken, as soon … Continue reading

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Cold Front

When the clouds moved in, I wanted to wallow in, complain about, how suddenly chilly I was. I wasn’t prepared, it caught me unaware; I’d left my coat at home. When the cold descended I ached to whine about my … Continue reading

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I Matter

It only took me a minute or two on the 17th to write Existing. I suppose it was ready to be said without much hesitation. But after I was done, I waffled back and forth for quite awhile before and … Continue reading

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Existing

You treated me as if who I truly was didn’t exist so completely that who I truly was stopped existing when I was with you. When I left, you still treated me as if I didn’t exist so completely that … Continue reading

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Arrivals

Cold-platform standing, silent tears, stinging from the brisk walk-by of him, him, like the others; misuse-me men that I’ve given my heart to for a lifetime of years, without their understanding or mine. I let them go by as they’ve … Continue reading

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Torn Between Aches

I had to leave; It was time to go. I didn’t make it far, just a few miles down the road, when the ache set in. Because I could, I turned around and went back, indulging in a little more. … Continue reading

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It’s Too Late

I hear the bus, I’m sure of it. My heart smiles cuz it’s almost the perfect time, and I look up at my clock. Oh, wait. I see. It’s only 4:03. It’s too early for the bus, it’s not time … Continue reading

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Falling

There are so many ways to fall, don’t you think? An unexpected moment, an unlikely trip, a light stumble into an uncertain space, a sudden headlong aching pitching you into a void you didn’t know was there, a twirling, whirling … Continue reading

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Things Could Be Different

If things could be different between us, I’d put my hands gently on each side of your face. I’d stand on my tippy toes, leaning in cuz I’d know you wouldn’t hurt me if I fell. I’d ask you in … Continue reading

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I Should Have Known

He said “You should have known.” He’s right, you know. I should have known, because he should have told me. But now I know. I found out on my own. He should have known I would. ~ cj 2013.05.16 Bookmark … Continue reading

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Until Tomorrow, Whippoorwill

The whippoorwill trills over and over in the night lonely, looking waiting for her to call back to him. Sometimes he hears her and they sing for awhile. Sometimes he gives up and goes to sleep until tomorrow. We used … Continue reading

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Blazing

I watched from the window as he walked out again wide open jacket exposing his frightened heart, hands already quite chilled from having no mittens. A cold draft blew through when he slammed the door, turning away from the beginnings … Continue reading

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Stone, Stone Cold

Today is the first day I’ve written on stone paper. I find it cool to the touch and beautifully soft as I caress its pages with my fingers and press my pen into filling its lines. It is also the … Continue reading

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Bloom Wide Open

I found this reckless beauty, at the beach, bloom wide open. Her fragile petals blew wildly in the wicked wind as she fearlessly faced the waves. She’d blossomed in her own restless time, oblivious now to who’d missed this singular … Continue reading

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To Find Me

Someone in a car like yours drove slowly by, and for a moment, I thought you’d come to the edge of the ocean to find me. He drove by without stopping. And I admit, for a moment? It slowed me … Continue reading

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Wanting To

No matter how much I understand it, I’ll never get it. I hope one day I’ll get over wanting to. ~ cj 2013.04.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading

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Opposites Attract

it hurts my heart less, …when we’re not connected… it hurts your life more. ~ cj 2013.04.02 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading

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Matter Of Time

“Oh, my, you two are so perfectly suited”, was her frankly astute observation, as if she’d discovered some treasure, as if she were the first who found it inevitably, painfully obvious. and then, as if she couldn’t help but continue, … Continue reading

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Symbiosis

I write because I can’t draw in a breath without shattering my heart unless I do. You ache because it catches your breath in your chest and shatters your heart when I do. ~ cj 2013.03.27 Symbiosis: the living together … Continue reading

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I Write

I write because I can’t see I can’t think I can’t sleep I can’t draw in a breath without shattering my heart unless I do. You ache because I speak my truth I make you think I wake you up … Continue reading

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I Imagined We’d Dance

I’ve closed my eyes so many times since I found you again imagining if we walked softly and waited til the timing was right, we’d one day sink sweetly, breathing into the rhythm of dancing together again. I’d trust you … Continue reading

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Your Shoes

I can’t imagine how you can stand in those shoes, how you can claim that they fit and spit shine them as if they were worthy of wearing. I can’t imagine even though I’ve been attempting for years to try … Continue reading

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Torrential Rain

I tried to take care of you, even when your choices caused that torrential rain. But as it poured down, filling our streams, rushing over our road, I had to run harder than I’ve ever had to run, to save … Continue reading

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Let’s Not

Let’s not and pretend that we did, because my heart still bleeds from the last time, when I gave my all and you only pretended you did. ~ cj 2013.03.05 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share … Continue reading

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For The Rest of My Life

I will miss who I thought you were for the rest of my life. ~ cj 2013.03.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading

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Sweet Sunday Snoozes

Sweet Sunday snoozes breathing each others air wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and plumped up pillows, wrapped in each others arms. I inhaled deeply and turned every way I could while you tried to dream, making sure each part … Continue reading

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Dead Tree

You mourned the dead tree more than you mourned the death that meant you’d never see the tree or me again. Now that I’m done mourning, you’re deader to me than any dead tree could ever be. ~ cj 2013.02.13 … Continue reading

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If You Died

If you died, I would dance for my life, for all the times you tried to kill who I was, when all I was trying to do when I was with you was dance for your love. ~ cj 2013.02.04 … Continue reading

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Play For Just A Moment

I cannot walk by you without giving in to your open invitation to touch you, to play for just a moment. And I cannot easily walk away because I ache when we’re apart. So here I am, confessing to you … Continue reading

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Complete Silence

Complete silence surrounds me, so loud I can hear your absence like a pin that hit the floor, and reverberated without warning, expanding quickly in my empty echo chamber, until it became a requiem filling a symphony hall, at the … Continue reading

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Flush

I WISH all the mystery had been gone. The secrets I found you keeping were far worse than anything I could have imagined. And I would have given anything to be able to just flush them away. ~ cj 2013.01.31 … Continue reading

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Happiness

Somehow, you found my door and came smiling through when I wasn’t looking. I’m glad I hadn’t locked it. ~ cj 2013.01.29 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it … Continue reading

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Exposed

Twenty two years of seeing you naked and now that I know the truth, now that you’ve been exposed, I can’t remember what you look like naked. I can only remember how you looked to me, once I realized you’d … Continue reading

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Where You Are

You sent me a picture from where you are now. I know it so well it brings tears to my eyes. It’s that treasured place where we both used to be when we believed we always would and where we … Continue reading

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How Hard That All Is

I forget, I truly do, how much it hurts, how hard that all is to hear. how it sears going down and burns settling in another’s open unsuspecting heart. I forget because it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I am whole … Continue reading

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Next To Me

Next to Me – Piano Solo by Me I love one little part of this. It comes up over and over. Can you hear it? It’s the pause where you look up from your book and smile, because finally, beautifully, … Continue reading

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Beaming Truths

I am out running. And as I move, I see. There are blue beams of light coming up from the golden sunset. Or is it golden beams of light from the blue? At first I didn’t notice. Then I stopped … Continue reading

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