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Category Archives: Poetry
I Should Have Known
He said “You should have known.” He’s right, you know. I should have known, because he should have told me. But now I know. I found out on my own. He should have known I would. ~ cj 2013.05.16 Bookmark … Continue reading
Until Tomorrow, Whippoorwill
The whippoorwill trills over and over in the night lonely, looking waiting for her to call back to him. Sometimes he hears her and they sing for awhile. Sometimes he gives up and goes to sleep until tomorrow. We used … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, heartache, house, marriage, relationship, whippoorwills
4 Comments
Blazing
I watched from the window as he walked out again wide open jacket exposing his frightened heart, hands already quite chilled from having no mittens. A cold draft blew through when he slammed the door, turning away from the beginnings … Continue reading
Stone, Stone Cold
Today is the first day I’ve written on stone paper. I find it cool to the touch and beautifully soft as I caress its pages with my fingers and press my pen into filling its lines. It is also the … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry, Writing
Tagged 21anddone, breakup, cold, hate, heartache, love, paper, poetry, relationship, stone, truth, understanding
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Bloom Wide Open
I found this reckless beauty, at the beach, bloom wide open. Her fragile petals blew wildly in the wicked wind as she fearlessly faced the waves. She’d blossomed in her own restless time, oblivious now to who’d missed this singular … Continue reading
To Find Me
Someone in a car like yours drove slowly by, and for a moment, I thought you’d come to the edge of the ocean to find me. He drove by without stopping. And I admit, for a moment? It slowed me … Continue reading
Wanting To
No matter how much I understand it, I’ll never get it. I hope one day I’ll get over wanting to. ~ cj 2013.04.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading
Opposites Attract
it hurts my heart less, …when we’re not connected… it hurts your life more. ~ cj 2013.04.02 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading
Matter Of Time
“Oh, my, you two are so perfectly suited”, was her frankly astute observation, as if she’d discovered some treasure, as if she were the first who found it inevitably, painfully obvious. and then, as if she couldn’t help but continue, … Continue reading
Symbiosis
I write because I can’t draw in a breath without shattering my heart unless I do. You ache because it catches your breath in your chest and shatters your heart when I do. ~ cj 2013.03.27 Symbiosis: the living together … Continue reading
I Write
I write because I can’t see I can’t think I can’t sleep I can’t draw in a breath without shattering my heart unless I do. You ache because I speak my truth I make you think I wake you up … Continue reading
I Imagined We’d Dance
I’ve closed my eyes so many times since I found you again imagining if we walked softly and waited til the timing was right, we’d one day sink sweetly, breathing into the rhythm of dancing together again. I’d trust you … Continue reading
Your Shoes
I can’t imagine how you can stand in those shoes, how you can claim that they fit and spit shine them as if they were worthy of wearing. I can’t imagine even though I’ve been attempting for years to try … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, marriage, poetry, relationship, shoes, war
6 Comments
Torrential Rain
I tried to take care of you, even when your choices caused that torrential rain. But as it poured down, filling our streams, rushing over our road, I had to run harder than I’ve ever had to run, to save … Continue reading
Let’s Not
Let’s not and pretend that we did, because my heart still bleeds from the last time, when I gave my all and you only pretended you did. ~ cj 2013.03.05 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share … Continue reading
For The Rest of My Life
I will miss who I thought you were for the rest of my life. ~ cj 2013.03.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on … Continue reading
Sweet Sunday Snoozes
Sweet Sunday snoozes breathing each others air wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and plumped up pillows, wrapped in each others arms. I inhaled deeply and turned every way I could while you tried to dream, making sure each part … Continue reading
Dead Tree
You mourned the dead tree more than you mourned the death that meant you’d never see the tree or me again. Now that I’m done mourning, you’re deader to me than any dead tree could ever be. ~ cj 2013.02.13 … Continue reading
If You Died
If you died, I would dance for my life, for all the times you tried to kill who I was, when all I was trying to do when I was with you was dance for your love. ~ cj 2013.02.04 … Continue reading
Play For Just A Moment
I cannot walk by you without giving in to your open invitation to touch you, to play for just a moment. And I cannot easily walk away because I ache when we’re apart. So here I am, confessing to you … Continue reading
Complete Silence
Complete silence surrounds me, so loud I can hear your absence like a pin that hit the floor, and reverberated without warning, expanding quickly in my empty echo chamber, until it became a requiem filling a symphony hall, at the … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, heartache, heartbreak, marriage, music, noise, poetry, relationship, silence
2 Comments
Flush
I WISH all the mystery had been gone. The secrets I found you keeping were far worse than anything I could have imagined. And I would have given anything to be able to just flush them away. ~ cj 2013.01.31 … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged divorce, heartbreak, humor, marriage, poetry, relationship, secrets
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Happiness
Somehow, you found my door and came smiling through when I wasn’t looking. I’m glad I hadn’t locked it. ~ cj 2013.01.29 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it … Continue reading
Exposed
Twenty two years of seeing you naked and now that I know the truth, now that you’ve been exposed, I can’t remember what you look like naked. I can only remember how you looked to me, once I realized you’d … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, clothing, divorce, marriage, poetry, relationship
3 Comments
Where You Are
You sent me a picture from where you are now. I know it so well it brings tears to my eyes. It’s that treasured place where we both used to be when we believed we always would and where we … Continue reading
How Hard That All Is
I forget, I truly do, how much it hurts, how hard that all is to hear. how it sears going down and burns settling in another’s open unsuspecting heart. I forget because it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I am whole … Continue reading
Next To Me
Next to Me – Piano Solo by Me I love one little part of this. It comes up over and over. Can you hear it? It’s the pause where you look up from your book and smile, because finally, beautifully, … Continue reading
Beaming Truths
I am out running. And as I move, I see. There are blue beams of light coming up from the golden sunset. Or is it golden beams of light from the blue? At first I didn’t notice. Then I stopped … Continue reading
I See
I see, and appreciate, different beauty every time I look your way. ~ CJ 2012.12.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post
Who Am I?
I am in an odd space tonight, and cannot say what mood I’m in. If hard pressed, I couldn’t offer even the simplest guess on whether I’m okay or not. My mind is overflowing. My heart feels full and empty. … Continue reading
You Built
you built these walls because you want, but not badly enough to want to climb your own walls. ~ cj 2012.10.31 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading
Quiet Surprise
It’s quiet in here as I let the decision ‘not to’ sink in. I don’t hear a solitary peep and certainly not the roaring of chaotic thoughts I imagined would come barreling through all jumbled in my head from a … Continue reading
You Want
you want these rules because you want, but not badly enough to want to break your own rules. ~ cj 2012.10.28 I want to write more about this. But here is a start. Can you see it? So much is … Continue reading
I Am Guilty
I called you, I did. I am quite guilty of this: I was going to read you Titanic, a poem he graciously sent me. It would likely make you cry, as I am now weeping, and I knew that when … Continue reading
On My Own
It is dusk, with night not far behind, and soon enough, the lights will be on. Until then, I’ve got enough in me to glow in the dark on my own. ~ cj 2012.10.09 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading
Plenty Of Room
I went to the place I go when my heart seeks peace, to see if you’d fit in my new life, which includes this. When I got there I found plenty of beauty and discovered more than enough room. ~ … Continue reading
Me
It’s so sweetly intimate that it makes my heart tingle and feels like you’ve whispered something softly in my ear that only we know whenever you sign your email or a colorful card with Me Bookmark on Delicious Digg this … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged friendship, intimacy, love, poetry, relationship
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What I Love About Poetry
What I love about poetry is that I can use any words in any way I choose without regard to anybody else’s rules. These words are freely available for me to lay about in any shape on any surface with … Continue reading
Sometimes
Sometimes the joke isn’t witty enough and the laughter isn’t nearly raucous enough to cover up the hurt lurking beneath, crouching for safety in the shadows of a silky sheer grin. And Sometimes it takes only the tiniest whisper from … Continue reading
Welcome
I knocked on your door believing I wanted to drop something off, give you a neatly wrapped up, you-mattered-to-me package, let you know there were no hard feelings on my side of the fence, and if you needed me to … Continue reading
Naked Bamboo
the bamboo poles stood mute and naked near the corner mirror deaf to the talk, cold against the warm hugs it witnessed, unable to understand our journey, the laughter, the learning filling the room, standing there stiffly unable to speak … Continue reading
Listening…
… I can see you’re typing but then the … disappear. I assign meaning to your hesitation …it must be quite important …and I wait to hear. I imagine you’re typing, stopping, thinking …then typing again. I love what you … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged communication, friendship, love, poetry, relationship
2 Comments
The Difference of A Day
Yesterday, I would have quickly sworn I loved nearly everything about us, with the exception of how you don’t feel the same for me. Today, I’m swearing, as I slowly realize nothing else about us matters, with the exception of … Continue reading
So I Did
I dared to dream that if I risked it, if I went for it, if I jumped, if I reached, if I grew, if I leaned, if I stood strong in the wind… I’d be found, I’d be wanted, I’d … Continue reading
Brave Heart
it’s easy to tough talk and behave as though there’s armor on your chest and a wall between you and all that wants to bring you to your knees at the point of a sword. it takes no strength to … Continue reading
Skin
Her skin, so much softer and thinner than she would have preferred to discover protecting her heart, tore just a little, bled just a little, when the sharp edged blade of his impatience cut into her. Its salty stinging sliced … Continue reading
Nightmare
Go away. How did you get in the door? How dare you invade? Just who let you in? You come ripping through here squeezing a moan, then a fearful tear, finally a scream out of me when you appear, unwelcome, … Continue reading
Fire’s Edge
If I fall into you will you catch me and dance, holding me tight, twirling, laughing at the edge of the fire? or will you step aside unable, unwilling to hold on, watching me, letting me tumble as I burn … Continue reading
Your Gift
you make me smile and giggle and chuckle and laugh and oftentimes nearly squeal with delight and sometimes you’ve made me snort and totally outright guffaw and for me for the girl I am there’s no greater gift at any … Continue reading
Perfect Harmony
You know when you’ve found a friend who fits so perfectly, you hardly notice you’re dancing through life with another? You glide together in perfect harmony, and the only thing that reminds you they’re someone separate from you is the … Continue reading
Playing Me
I made a movie of your hands touching the keys, playing my piano. you were amused that I’d do this, and asked me why. I lied to you and fooled you into believing I just wanted to learn how to … Continue reading
Pulling Up The Covers
when I first slept alone again after so many years next to you, my broken heart insisted I quickly make the bed the moment I woke each morning, so I wouldn’t hurt each time through my bedroom noticing how perfectly your side … Continue reading
Watching
whenever she’s awake, she’s watching… sometimes out there but usually me. if I move, she follows and brings her sister with. if I pay attention, she leans into me and loves back. I wonder what she’s thinking; she never says … Continue reading
Walls
Walls don’t stop the pain… they just trap it inside so it festers and oozes out destroying what could have been fertile ground. ~ cj 2012.06.24 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading
Lingered
Lingered (cj 2012.06.23) ********* My fingers lingered when we shook hands or was it yours that stayed behind whispering softly an extra moment as they gently pulled away saying goodbye and nice to meet each other. I liked that you … Continue reading
Holding Out For Dawn
When a night bears down heavy on me With the tragedies and mis-steps of the day I exhale a sigh and close my eyes Holding on tight til tomorrow. Long before the sun comes up The first light seeps into … Continue reading
I’m Not Going Anywhere
“I’m not going anywhere” you’d said, while you extracted yourself from the wreckage, wanting space between you and the painful rift you’d ruthlessly, thoughtlessly, carelessly caused between us. “I’m not going anywhere”, you’d said, but then, unable to resist, you … Continue reading
It Left Me Room
At first a hole opened up in my evenings at the time you used to call, yawning, stretching out wide open empty, keeping me awake. It left room and time to reflect alone in the dark, to sink into the … Continue reading
A Silken Web
That first piece of silken web delicately, finely woven from there to here and back again. Swaying softly in the breeze hardly seen it didn’t look like it could hold a thing. In those moments it could have been broken … Continue reading
I Am The Boss
******** I Trusted You ******** I trusted you. I opened my eyes my heart my mouth my arms my body my legs I trusted you when you promised you wouldn’t that you truly wouldn’t. I believed between us that no … Continue reading
Beautiful Blue
There she is, vaguely bathed in beautiful blue light. She calls out to me, a lover in the dark, promising to soothe me if I sit down and slide my fingers over her. I do as she asks. how could … Continue reading
Life Blooms Again
I walked outside with my eyes and my heart open to discover that In spite of all the neglect and death I’ve been focused on around here, my flowers bloomed again, the hummingbirds came back to drink sweet nectar, Sarge … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry
Tagged 21anddone, blooming, breakup, divorce, life, pictures, poetry, relationship
3 Comments
Promise Me
Promise me if I wash my hands my hair my body that shirt those sheets this blanket promise me I’m not washing away the last of you from my life. ~ cj 2012.04.04 Flickr picture from rachelandrew http://www.flickr.com/photos/rachelandrew/409048810/lightbox/ Bookmark on … Continue reading
Thud
Every spring for many years now, a red cardinal I call Thud shows up on my back deck. He perches on a chair or an empty pot, stares for awhile, as if thinking… …and then relentlessly and repeatedly slams into … Continue reading
Many Miles
Many miles between where I am here, and where I feel, I hope, I achingly wish to go. Traveling always traveling a rocky, twisted path, with no clear direction, no helping hand but my own, no light shining but my … Continue reading
Hunger
I let your feeder go dry I let you go hungry I wanted you to find food somewhere else I want you and your hunger to go away. I’ve got no heart left here to feed you. He loved you … Continue reading
How the Writing Begins
What you do is start writing and don’t filter yourself. It isn’t for them, it’s for you. Once you have the pinhole drilled, you can’t close it down. It becomes wider and wider. You get better and better at finding … Continue reading
Scream
A beautiful fire that burned sweet and warm in my heart Overheated with hate and blame Escaped Licking nasty flames Began burning my skin my soul So hot it blistered every inch of me peeling my bark exposing the core … Continue reading
Touching
you reached out, reached over reached first gently kindly firmly unexpectedly and took my hand. I liked the soft pads of your fingers, the dark silky hair the velvet inside of your wrists you didn’t grip or grab you … Continue reading
Velvet Kiss
velvet softness going down silken touching holding on fingers twining pulling close weakened knees and racing pulse gentle hands exploring nuzzles tightly tangled all night nestled sweetly sighing deeply breathing melting moist need rekindling all I ache and all I … Continue reading
The Cold Side
I pile things on the cold side of my bed, and rarely clean it off because it’s lonely when it’s empty. If you were here, you’d warm that side. As luck would have it, it’s the one you like to … Continue reading
Winds of Change
Doors close, windows open, a brisk breeze blows my world around clearing out all the ugly things that tear my heart from its hinges. I breathe in. Today is bitter hard yet better. Wherever I land When the wind stops … Continue reading
Forever Promise
I know it’s late to tell you and can bear no hopeful fruit here in this dark but I cannot leave you behind again without you knowing from my heart, the only promise that ever mattered to me was your … Continue reading
Where In My World?
Where in my world did you go? I’ve lost you. But I know, I remember, I still feel where we touched, how you gratefully smiled. I squeeze my eyes hard to clear them, but when I open them to look … Continue reading
I Am
You never asked me to be someone other than who I am. But when I’m with you I catch me being someone other than who I really am. When I notice this I realize I shouldn’t be with you. But … Continue reading
Not Quite Ready
Can you hear my heart beat from there? Tonight, with quiet surrounding me for the first time in a week, I can. It’s hanging out here, still on my sleeve, tender and a little bit sore. I’m surprised to find … Continue reading
For Better And Worse
My life has changed a lot for better and worse, since I told you I couldn’t do worse with you any more waiting for life to get better. ~ cj 2012.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading
Happy Valentines Day
There was that moment when you told me things were fixed. Do you remember? Tears of joy and gratitude rushed to spill down my cheeks because it had been a brutal day, everyone angry at me for something I didn’t … Continue reading
Curtains
What we might have been breezed through the room so quickly, you missed the billowing flutter of curtains I’d hid my heart behind. ~ cj 2012.02.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading
Pearl
I was surprised to find a hole left behind where you just stood. It’s not a deep one; you were there but a moment in my life. I can bear it, so I think I’ll sit a bit and form … Continue reading
Lasting Peace and Strength
When you don’t like something about yourself or in your world… you can work to change it, learn to accept it, or attempt to control it. Acceptance will bring you lasting peace. Change will bring you lasting strength. Control may … Continue reading
This Is MY Game
This is MY game. I CHOOSE my moves, and I make them. I will not roll over, stand by, or step aside. I am filled with confidence, certainty, and energy. I am fully focused on my envisioned outcome. I am … Continue reading
A First Hello
And there you were already saying a first hello exactly on time before I was quite ready. You were everything and nothing like my wild mind had imagined you to be. And now that we’ve said a first goodbye, I … Continue reading
Looking
There you are looking at me from your picture, green bedroom eyes and cutie pie smile, open and sweet. Would you blush to know I think you’re beautiful? I’m a bit pink from the telling. Your hat and you look … Continue reading
Touched
You touched everything in my world until it began to ache so deeply to be touched by you that I couldn’t bear to let you touch me or anything in my world ever again. ~ cj 2011.12.29 Bookmark on Delicious … Continue reading
Abandoned
You abandoned everything where it was, incomplete, messed up, broken, dead… …like us. You won’t return to complete, clean up, restore, resurrect… nor would I accept. And now I am left behind to recover however I am able from your … Continue reading
Innocent Spouse
Innocent spouse, fraud on the community. That’s what it’s called when you say I do and you try and he tries and then he stops and turns on you blaming you and frauding what you’ve built, while you become helplessly … Continue reading
Where My Happiness Is
I saw you in my dream last night, over to the right and slightly behind where my happiness is located now. You watched me from a place you had no reason to revisit unless you were trying to catch a … Continue reading
Outsider
on the outside, peering in a dirty window through a sleeve-wiped hole cupping hands round my eyes gazing at the love i see wondering how it feels to be safe like that no matter what. beaten, painfilled heart battered, struggling … Continue reading
Change
You can change everything about you, but nothing you change will ever change anything for me. ~ cj 2011.10.26 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading
Welcome, Sweet Friend
It’s been a long battle, and I’ve watched you suffer at the hands of the heartless while you fought to reclaim me. I’ve been here, cheering you on, while you conquered demons that stampeded without warning from your past right … Continue reading
That Difference Mattered
My heart burned because we were so different in all the ways that mattered to me… while you burned all our possibilities focusing on differences that didn’t matter to me at all. That difference mattered. ~ cj 2011.10.14 Bookmark on … Continue reading
Dear Mr. Perfect
You had everything right… brains, education, resources, privilege, possessions, position, and charm enough to convince the world from a distance, and for awhile me, that you had everything right. When I got close, though, I couldn’t help but see everything … Continue reading
WooHoo
Hey look! The sun is up The day is new Fifteen minutes passed And no thought of you. The End. ~ cj 2011.10.06 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading
No More
Since we met I’ve never said no to you, even when no would have freed me. I’ve looked away trapped in silence, no answer, shrugged. I bit my lip which you saw, and my tongue, so you couldn’t. I’ve said … Continue reading
Thief
With all my heart I hope you love that man enough to pay back what you’ve stolen from him You held him tight while you were holding another extracting a promise that he’d deny his own nobility in exchange for … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry, Writing
5 Comments
Shivering
I left you alone, your last goodnight ringing in my ears, tears blurring my sight. I dimmed the lights quietly on my way out, and the truth is, I shivered from your cold. I wasn’t sure my heart was strong … Continue reading
All My Life
All my life love equaled owning. It did not exist, love could not last, unless it stayed beside me tucked in with my life. Please know, I did not have to hold tight. Still, I could not imagine how to … Continue reading
Last Call
GM …..Yes. A Good Morning. Call? …..I’m sorry; I will no longer take it. Listening. …..I have nothing more. Hey there. I hope you’re having a good day. …..I am sad, but I’ve reclaimed my heart. I will say goodnight, … Continue reading
Relief
relief escapes in deep sighs from my lips and heart relief floods me as i breathe deeper now away from you than i dared anywhere near relief kisses me holds me closer than you ever cared to relief touches me … Continue reading
