Tag Archives: life

Surreal

seeking, thinking, deciding, planning, closing, discarding, selling, purging, visiting, hugging, sharing, promising, preparing, packing, loading, cleaning, and then comes now… filled with nothing left undone. so one last look, more hugs goodbye. then leaving, driving, moving on. so real. surreal. … Continue reading

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I Love

I chose, on purpose, during my darkest times, that love was the path I wanted to travel. I’ve chosen this over and over, even though choosing that wasn’t always easy. I knew how hard it would be. I knew I … Continue reading

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Want To Live

I haven’t lived here in a long time. I *haven’t* lived here in a long time. I haven’t lived here in a *long time*.  I haven’t lived *here* in a long time. I haven’t *lived* here in a long time. … Continue reading

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Far Better

Far better it is to trip and fall, then to feed fear all your strength, leaving you too weak to try dancing to the music at all. ~ cj 2015.01.21 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share … Continue reading

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Still Stuck Sitting Still

so many things we could have said, I could have said. so many ideas for how to get through this moment. and yet, we are still here, I am still here, still sitting here, here sitting still, still stuck and … Continue reading

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Waves

Last Friday, I went to composition lessons. My teacher gave me a book. The idea was to listen to the CD, and learn to play the music, with a focus on noticing the patterns. Then the goal was to take … Continue reading

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A Moment

a moment when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped so an ear could hear and an eye could see so a heart could open firmly and fully and let what is true in that moment and … Continue reading

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On A Wing And A Dare

I cried out to the sky one beautiful eve how do I get from this heavy moment to the one where I’ve made my dreams true, when so much debris is piled on my path? The sky sighed, oh dear, … Continue reading

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How To Avoid Getting Burned

How to Avoid Getting Burned: Reduce your sensitivity, or Reduce your exposure. Sounds easy, Feels impossible. ~ cj 2014.06.20 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading

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Staying Still In Front Of A Hill

I am staying still in the dark silence, alone, looking at nothing but an up hill, covered by an empty sky. After so much disappointment, I am not sure I believe anymore what I’ve always believed; that what matters, what’s … Continue reading

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How To Have A Jazzy Life

Jazz is all about musical improvisation. Only one mistake is possible, and that mistake is made when the players fail to take a next step, play the next bar, find that next beat that blends the step taken just before, … Continue reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Such a quandary; when to stay put and sit in peace to wait, and when to leave, because too much reasonable time has passed. It is my single greatest challenge, especially when it’s something my heart cares deeply about. Is … Continue reading

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Protected: I Hate These Moments

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Light

One light came on, as another faded. As life turned out, there was no reason to fear the dark. ~ cj 2014.05.08 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it … Continue reading

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What Today Wants

Blocked? Am I blocked if I have nothing to say about what happened in my head, in my heart, in my life, today? Perhaps using my words is not what today had in mind. Maybe today has heard enough of … Continue reading

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Finding My Way In The Dark

Finding my way in the dark… Such an appropriate metaphor for me right now. This photo is a single long exposure of the Blood Moon total lunar eclipse on 2014.04.15. To do this, I put my camera on the manual … Continue reading

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Giving Me Permission

I take photos of things other than the sky; I do! But for now, I like taking sky photos best. So I let myself take them, as much as I want, whenever I want. It is my gift to me, … Continue reading

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Mattering

Back then it was easy to convince myself that I mattered. But contrary evidence presented itself over and over that I didn’t. So when I couldn’t convince myself anymore, I walked away from all that mattered to me. And now, … Continue reading

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Being Present

Although it seems there’s much to attend to, while being present for the one who is leaving, there’s not a thing to attend to that matters as much as being present to the one who is leaving. ~ cj 2014.03.26 … Continue reading

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Big and Little

It’s surprisingly hard to tell the difference between what’s big and what’s little in some moment. Figuring it out is a matter of gaining perspective, getting some distance or passing time. (Photo from 2014.01.25) Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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My Wish For You

My Wish For You May the moments between this one, when our paths crossed, and the moment you leave this world, be filled as often as possible with child-eyed playful wonder. ~ cj 2013.11.15 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Peace Filled Grace

Peace-filled grace carries you gently across my evening sky. A glow shines from your colorful heart, soft, undeniable. Shaped in each moment by what can be seen, and by what never will, you appear, as you float by, to be … Continue reading

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A Way To Be Free Of The Mess

It’s time to clean up and put away everything that hasn’t already run out or broken, so I can be free of this mess. I always think I’ll replace what’s run out, and fix all that is broken, as soon … Continue reading

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Consuming Moments

The darkness consumed the last light of the day yesterday, as it exited in a mass of fiery yellow-orange clouds. The color spread everywhere across the sky, eventually turning pink, and then grey, while I captured what I could with … Continue reading

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Bloom Wide Open

I found this reckless beauty, at the beach, bloom wide open. Her fragile petals blew wildly in the wicked wind as she fearlessly faced the waves. She’d blossomed in her own restless time, oblivious now to who’d missed this singular … Continue reading

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Off The Shelf

This plant was green once, full of life and hope.  Long tendrils of healthy leaves clung to well-watered vines, draping over shelves full of books in this home he and I built together. When I watered it up on that … Continue reading

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Differently Pink Katydid

I wonder if this beautiful katydid knows that it’s pink? Is it self-conscious? Does it feel exposed or hide for being different? Or has it adapted, thriving because of the privilege and obligation of being different? Does it wish things … Continue reading

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Sweet Sunday Snoozes

Sweet Sunday snoozes breathing each others air wrapped in a cocoon of blankets and plumped up pillows, wrapped in each others arms. I inhaled deeply and turned every way I could while you tried to dream, making sure each part … Continue reading

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Summit Sunrise – Piano Recording

One of my closest friends made a comment about how what we’re both going through is like trying to reach a summit. We talked about how all the mistakes get made right before you reach the summit…but if you just … Continue reading

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Be A Lighthouse

This essay has been a long time coming. It’s in my heart, it’s in my head.  I’ve always loved lighthouses, and this concept has been a lighthouse for me as I navigate some major life transitions and try to find … Continue reading

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A Leap of Faith To Make Myself Happy

I worked on paperwork again last week, yesterday, today to get myself out of this long-dead marriage. How can there be so much of this? I was so proud of myself; I am so past being angry, I’m giving up … Continue reading

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If You Died

If you died, I would dance for my life, for all the times you tried to kill who I was, when all I was trying to do when I was with you was dance for your love. ~ cj 2013.02.04 … Continue reading

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How Hard That All Is

I forget, I truly do, how much it hurts, how hard that all is to hear. how it sears going down and burns settling in another’s open unsuspecting heart. I forget because it doesn’t hurt me anymore. I am whole … Continue reading

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Rebuilding From A Fire

One day, driving around in 2002 looking for properties to renovate, my ex and I came up on a house that had burned. The front window was broken out. Ignoring his preference that I didn’t, I approached with my camera, … Continue reading

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Welcome, 2013!

Welcome, 2013….I’ve been waiting for you! Every year for many years, I wrote a little foundation statement, or had a motto. I didn’t do that so much the past two years. In many ways, I was just fighting to survive … Continue reading

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Solitaire

For the past several months, I’ve been playing Solitaire on my phone…sometimes to the point where I believe this to be a bit of an addiction…sometimes to the exclusion of other things I “SHOULD” be focusing on. Last week, I … Continue reading

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Next To Me

Next to Me – Piano Solo by Me I love one little part of this. It comes up over and over. Can you hear it? It’s the pause where you look up from your book and smile, because finally, beautifully, … Continue reading

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Beaming Truths

I am out running. And as I move, I see. There are blue beams of light coming up from the golden sunset. Or is it golden beams of light from the blue? At first I didn’t notice. Then I stopped … Continue reading

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I See

I see, and appreciate, different beauty every time I look your way. ~ CJ 2012.12.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post

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Who Am I?

I am in an odd space tonight, and cannot say what mood I’m in. If hard pressed, I couldn’t offer even the simplest guess on whether I’m okay or not. My mind is overflowing. My heart feels full and empty. … Continue reading

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Taking Out The Trash

I am taking out my trash, while I am noticing these things, so I text you all of this with pictures. It may be cheesy, it may be unconventional, but this is what I want to think about today. Here’s … Continue reading

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I Am Guilty

I called you, I did. I am quite guilty of this: I was going to read you Titanic, a poem he graciously sent me. It would likely make you cry, as I am now weeping, and I knew that when … Continue reading

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No More Sheet Music

I’ve been playing piano since I was 5, and took lessons for well over 20 years….all classical, always reading or memorizing sheet music. I never learned improvisation, composition, chords and chord progressions or theory. About 2 years ago, I put … Continue reading

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MY Music

I just created a space for myself on Soundboard to upload my piano creations. http://www.soundboard.com/sb/cjromb I have NO composition, chord progression or music theory training. I’ve been playing classical piano from sheet music since I was 5, but I’d largely … Continue reading

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Romance, Writing and Rock Star Dreams

From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be a rock star, and I wanted to be passionately loved. But as I got older, I saw my dreams dying on the … Continue reading

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So I Did

I dared to dream that if I risked it, if I went for it, if I jumped, if I reached, if I grew, if I leaned, if I stood strong in the wind… I’d be found, I’d be wanted, I’d … Continue reading

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5am Tension and Resolution

5 in the morning, I can’t sleep because I’m worried about Sophie and all the other big life changes I’m facing.  I write some emails, I look on Facebook. Finally, unable to distract myself from it all, I escape to my … Continue reading

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The Bearable Weight of Uncertainty

I’ve always loved adventure. But there’s an odd dissonance inside me: I’ve always hated uncertainty. I dislike suspense more than anyone I know.  I read the end of the book before I can settle into the story.  I read the … Continue reading

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Life Blooms Again

I walked outside with my eyes and my heart open to discover that In spite of all the neglect and death I’ve been focused on around here, my flowers bloomed again, the hummingbirds came back to drink sweet nectar, Sarge … Continue reading

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Ego vs. Wisdom

I’ve reached that place in my life where my level of wisdom has bypassed the size of my ego. This allows me to see that I have something extraordinary to teach the world, while simultaneously realizing I have an extraordinary … Continue reading

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Perfectly Beautiful Bellies

I found a site some time ago where women uploaded pictures of their bellies. Those women and those bellies had held life and lived life. And those women, by uploading those pictures, were somewhere on the path of learning how … Continue reading

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Many Miles

Many miles between where I am here, and where I feel, I hope, I achingly wish to go. Traveling always traveling a rocky, twisted path, with no clear direction, no helping hand but my own, no light shining but my … Continue reading

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Easy Was Too Hard For Me

Today I exchanged emails with someone encouraging me to “make this easy”. I explained to the person that I’m not interested in choosing “easy” for my life anymore. I already TRIED the “easy” way. As it turns out, it was … Continue reading

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Dance for Your LIFE!

Oh, the blog title possibilities! Dance like there’s no tomorrow Dance like nobody’s watching Dance in the Rain Don’t Stop Dancing…or if you have? Start Dancing again! The message from me to you is the same, no matter what I … Continue reading

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Welcome, Sweet Friend

It’s been a long battle, and I’ve watched you suffer at the hands of the heartless while you fought to reclaim me. I’ve been here, cheering you on, while you conquered demons that stampeded without warning from your past right … Continue reading

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How To Be Perfectly Happy

Once upon a time, everyone I knew expected me to be perfect. When I wasn’t, I got into an extraordinary amount of trouble. Being infinitely flawed, never near perfect, I was nearly always in trouble. I was too loud, I … Continue reading

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Perfectly Happy

There is only one direction I can go from perfect and if I gained it, I would always be ripe for a fall from such a high perch. So I’ve made a choice to abandon perfect. And instead, I want … Continue reading

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Begging The Universe

I woke this morning, begging the universe to erase this truth from my now open eyes, so the stone heavy ache in my heart would be lifted as I struggle to breathe. I was denied that relief, and shown two … Continue reading

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Bending Time

Sometimes time moves so slowly you barely see it pass hardly a ripple visible paddling softly on a moment-filled glass lake. Sometimes time moves in river rapids leaving you gulping for air swirling helplessly in the whitewater months that threaten … Continue reading

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Chokehold

For hours I struggled in my sleep last night trying to take something off my neck. I felt like I was choking and trying to break free. This morning I woke to find my necklace next to my bed on … Continue reading

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Breaking The Law

I break the law in the morning. I break the rules all day. I breakdown at night. I wake up and do it again. The cycle of life when you’ve chosen to do 80 in a 40. ~ cj 2011.01.19 … Continue reading

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