Author Archives: cjromb

Spent Moments

Even now with years gone by since you and I were us, I catch myself freely spending so many of my precious moments deeply missing who I believed you were. I don’t know why this is, when I am, at … Continue reading

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Surreal

seeking, thinking, deciding, planning, closing, discarding, selling, purging, visiting, hugging, sharing, promising, preparing, packing, loading, cleaning, and then comes now… filled with nothing left undone. so one last look, more hugs goodbye. then leaving, driving, moving on. so real. surreal. … Continue reading

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Best Intentions

We are, each of us, exactly who we are, in spite of ourselves and who we try so hard to be. ~ cj 2016.01.05 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

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Skylark

I wonder if you remember with the warmth that I do, how you and the skylark never failed to save my heart and me from the frozen, pitch black winter the rest of my world was. ~ cj 2017.01.07 Bookmark … Continue reading

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Live Crickets

Fifteen cents for a live cricket, caught in a pet store cage with other chirping crickets. A live cricket, unwittingly doomed to being bought by someone who has that necessary fifteen cents, on behalf of a bigger creature caught in … Continue reading

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Mistaken Identity

You thought that I’d found my soulmate. My whole heart believed I had, too. But then you chose another, so I had to let go of believing my soulmate was you. ~ cj 2016.12.23 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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I Love

I chose, on purpose, during my darkest times, that love was the path I wanted to travel. I’ve chosen this over and over, even though choosing that wasn’t always easy. I knew how hard it would be. I knew I … Continue reading

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Torn

Torn in two missing you. ~ cj 2016.01.05 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post

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Heartbreak

The greatest heartbreak of my life is that no matter how much time I am given to love what I love, it will never, can never be enough. ~ cj 2015.12.10 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading

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Want To Live

I haven’t lived here in a long time. I *haven’t* lived here in a long time. I haven’t lived here in a *long time*.  I haven’t lived *here* in a long time. I haven’t *lived* here in a long time. … Continue reading

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Inside Me

When I am filled with the largeness and largesse of you, intense, in my space, inside, not even the skinniest whisper of a space remains anywhere in me for the fire of my fear, or the smoky smoldering shadow of … Continue reading

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Storm

A bad dream woke me this morning. In it, you announced, without your “hey there” kind warmth, “We need to talk.” My fear froze me, and my pounding heart held me still in a place I never want to be, … Continue reading

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Glorious Hope

The sun still rose on the day he and I had to say goodbye, confusing me. She must not have seen the painful storm raging in my heart, or she would have hidden her shining face behind blistery, broken-hearted clouds. … Continue reading

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Waiting

Waiting for no one to come home. ~ cj 2015.06.16 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this post

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Witness

I would ache if a day slipped into night without notice. So here I stand at the ready, hoping I am prepared enough to bear witness for whatever, if anything, appears. Always, almost always, I am delighted by the sky’s … Continue reading

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A Poem Begins

a poem begins as a sense of something off kilter, a moment bursting with lost and confused, a deep need to have some unfleshed and often painful say that my voice doesn’t dare speak out loud. the words force their … Continue reading

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The Magic is Gone

my breath catches behind the rising lump in my throat choking off all my best words, leaving them stuck and flailing for air. I am helpless to do anything but blurt and stammer and spit out the few that remain. … Continue reading

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The Miracle of Healing

I have to look quite closely now to find the seam where you carelessly cut me to the bone. You cracked me wide open, letting my guts spill out, exposed to your toxic dirt. Still hungry to hurt me, your … Continue reading

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Take Good Care

Take Good Care, I told you, and I left, because your heart wasn’t there, and you didn’t take good care of mine when it was. ~ cj 2015.04.03 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading

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A Plea From Management

Dear heart what are you feeling, that you’d beat my chest with your fists like that, when he has yet to kiss me? And oh my, then there’s you, Miss busy brain. I thought at least you’d have some sense, … Continue reading

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I Will Miss

I will miss The hikes that would have left us breathless, under the dark skies our eyes would have adjusted to; the planes we might have boarded, to exciting destinations eagerly awaiting our arrival. I’ll miss the pictures we wanted … Continue reading

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Never Ever

No one gets to treat me like you did, again, and over again. Not even, especially not, never, ever again, you. ~ cj 2015.02.18 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet … Continue reading

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Sublime

Sublime transports the night time on criss-cross clouds, to a pastel platform of peachy pink, suspending time for just a moment to gather the sun and leave darkness where I stand waiting, anticipating it’s serenely blushing arrival, both of us … Continue reading

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Sigh

I sigh when I’m soothed, so softly satisfied. I sigh, pulling in needed breath to ready for what’s next. Or I sigh to shake away what I don’t need anymore, and maybe just never did. I sigh when I’m smiling; … Continue reading

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Far Better

Far better it is to trip and fall, then to feed fear all your strength, leaving you too weak to try dancing to the music at all. ~ cj 2015.01.21 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share … Continue reading

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I Am Her Master

This isn’t a poem. It’s not even an essay, really. I haven’t written much lately, because I knew if I did, my tears would cloud my vision, and my whole chest would clench into a ball. I knew it would … Continue reading

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Be Safe

Oh my heart’s dearest pain, no need to worry, I’m safer here, running far, driving fast, going where I’ve never been, and don’t yet know the way. I’m safer here on my own, worlds away from where you try to … Continue reading

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Leaving Limbo

This was never Limbo to me, and as my heart heals, I discover the will to refuse that lie of a label I let you use far too long to describe how you left me holding and hanging while I … Continue reading

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Tender

you cannot cut and cut and cut, again and over again, feasting without regard, and then expect to come back and find more tender meat to filet from my raw naked bones. ~ cj 2014.11.25 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this … Continue reading

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Still Stuck Sitting Still

so many things we could have said, I could have said. so many ideas for how to get through this moment. and yet, we are still here, I am still here, still sitting here, here sitting still, still stuck and … Continue reading

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Waves

Last Friday, I went to composition lessons. My teacher gave me a book. The idea was to listen to the CD, and learn to play the music, with a focus on noticing the patterns. Then the goal was to take … Continue reading

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Lonely Has To Sleep Elsewhere

This past Friday, I moved into my smallest bedroom and gave my big room to a weekend guest. Too many rooms to choose from. I could have slept in one with a larger bed, but it was so neat in … Continue reading

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I Think You Knew

There you were, a curious spirit standing apart from the others, watching me. When I noticed you, you came towards me immediately, bright eyes shining with hope. We’d only just met, yet you chanced getting closer, wanting to catch my … Continue reading

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I Am

Take Care, he wrote. I am, I replied. Finally, I am, I thought. Finally, starting now, I hope I am. Then, I added Thank you. I added it but I don’t know why. Perhaps it will be a final tip … Continue reading

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Resolve

Resolve. Such a perfect fit. conflict, solution, strength, determination, grit a noun, a verb, a new favorite word I’ve added to my growing list of powerful words I’ve fallen in love with It’s not likely a coincidence that it followed … Continue reading

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Disregarded Matter

There are two kinds of people who don’t matter enough to themselves. One of them gives a whole heart away without regard to the cost. The other treats that person’s heart with the same disregard. What a pain-filled matter love … Continue reading

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The Same Sky

You are alive, growing, a leaf, a branch, a ring at a time, stubbornly rooted in an earth of your choosing. I see now that I was but a colorful streak of dusk-time fun splaying and twisting through the same … Continue reading

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A Moment

a moment when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped so an ear could hear and an eye could see so a heart could open firmly and fully and let what is true in that moment and … Continue reading

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A Longer Moment

a moment a moment when a thing was said when a thing was said and another was felt when a thing was said and another was felt time stopped time stopped so an ear could hear time stopped and an … Continue reading

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Impossible Destiny

There is so much distance between where I am, and where I dream of being. And I may never get there. But maybe, but maybe, you’ll hold me for tonight. So I can dream I’m there again and maybe, and … Continue reading

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Genderational Relations

A lifetime of men who couldn’t see who I was because a lifetime of women blinded them and shamed their broken hearts because another lifetime of men couldn’t see who they were and on and on it goes while I … Continue reading

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Truly Home

a year ago today I stood in my brother’s driveway, barely able to stand waiting to see you come round the corner. be safe, but hurry, hurry nearly hopping up and down, cuz I didn’t wanna wait anymore. then suddenly, … Continue reading

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On A Wing And A Dare

I cried out to the sky one beautiful eve how do I get from this heavy moment to the one where I’ve made my dreams true, when so much debris is piled on my path? The sky sighed, oh dear, … Continue reading

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How To Avoid Getting Burned

How to Avoid Getting Burned: Reduce your sensitivity, or Reduce your exposure. Sounds easy, Feels impossible. ~ cj 2014.06.20 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the … Continue reading

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Uprooted

What isn’t planted deeply enough, tended to with plenty of loving care, and carefully sheltered from possible harm, is ripe for uprooting or being blown away in the winds of a storm. How much can be weathered may not be … Continue reading

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Staying Still In Front Of A Hill

I am staying still in the dark silence, alone, looking at nothing but an up hill, covered by an empty sky. After so much disappointment, I am not sure I believe anymore what I’ve always believed; that what matters, what’s … Continue reading

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How To Have A Jazzy Life

Jazz is all about musical improvisation. Only one mistake is possible, and that mistake is made when the players fail to take a next step, play the next bar, find that next beat that blends the step taken just before, … Continue reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Such a quandary; when to stay put and sit in peace to wait, and when to leave, because too much reasonable time has passed. It is my single greatest challenge, especially when it’s something my heart cares deeply about. Is … Continue reading

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Protected: I Hate These Moments

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Lightning Bolt Reminder

There I was, on my back deck last night, commenting to the sky about the lack of a visible moonrise… okay fine… I’ll admit, I was complaining … and while I was at it, I’d brought up and was swirling … Continue reading

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Light

One light came on, as another faded. As life turned out, there was no reason to fear the dark. ~ cj 2014.05.08 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it … Continue reading

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What Today Wants

Blocked? Am I blocked if I have nothing to say about what happened in my head, in my heart, in my life, today? Perhaps using my words is not what today had in mind. Maybe today has heard enough of … Continue reading

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Finding My Way In The Dark

Finding my way in the dark… Such an appropriate metaphor for me right now. This photo is a single long exposure of the Blood Moon total lunar eclipse on 2014.04.15. To do this, I put my camera on the manual … Continue reading

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Intersection

I am a moment of sweet pity in a parking lot on a Saturday night; a half day of homework with a friend who’s learning what I used to love; a place to stay the night before a race I … Continue reading

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Giving Me Permission

I take photos of things other than the sky; I do! But for now, I like taking sky photos best. So I let myself take them, as much as I want, whenever I want. It is my gift to me, … Continue reading

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Mattering

Back then it was easy to convince myself that I mattered. But contrary evidence presented itself over and over that I didn’t. So when I couldn’t convince myself anymore, I walked away from all that mattered to me. And now, … Continue reading

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Being Present

Although it seems there’s much to attend to, while being present for the one who is leaving, there’s not a thing to attend to that matters as much as being present to the one who is leaving. ~ cj 2014.03.26 … Continue reading

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Dirty Girls

I absolutely loved watching this scene play out Saturday morning at a restaurant where I was eating breakfast and talking with one of my best friends. (Pictures at the bottom) These two little girls were in a play area outside … Continue reading

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No Bone Picking

I’m not close enough to your bones to even notice if there’s meat to pick off them. You’re not my kind of dish anyway. I like the sweet, the salty, the creamy. I love to savor and enjoy. I don’t … Continue reading

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Waving Goodbye And Crying

When we were little, we’d leave my grandma and grandpa’s house, and they’d stand in the doorway, waving goodbye, always smiling. My whole childhood, it was my grandpa and grandma, waving goodbye to my mom and dad and us kids, … Continue reading

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The Best Ever!

Nearly every day, often more than once, I stand outside with my camera pointed at the sky. I’m taking photos of everything I possibly can. Sometimes there’s so much beauty, I need two cameras! And at least once every time, … Continue reading

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There Is No Such Thing

I’m not broken enough anymore to believe I can fix me, by fixing what is broken in you. I’m not lost enough anymore to believe I’ll find my way by telling you how to head where I think you should … Continue reading

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Mean Teachers

The most meaningful lessons I’ve learned from mean teachers are the ones they didn’t mean to teach me. ~ cj 2014.03.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading

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Living to Laugh

Somewhere in 2009 or 2010, I saw the YouTube video “Jizz in My Pants”. My (now ex) husband and I had gone to dinner at my son’s place, and my son shared this video with us. It’s the silliest video; … Continue reading

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Whole Enough

I am not whole in the way I view you to be. I cannot yet sit still and allow simply being to wash over me. Although I can, I do not like to stand on my own, isolated, uncomfortable, alone. … Continue reading

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That Was Easy

Such a simple answer to the coldness on that side of the bed. I have a heated mattress pad. This morning it occurred to me to switch that side of it on, and then slide my hand over there, imagining … Continue reading

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Brave

Click to see short video clip of blue sky, white cloud, tree-filled stills. It’s easy for me to be brave, when my chin is up, and I’m looking at the sky. ~ cj 2014.02.02 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Sincerely

Blown away by the moment this breeze blew through. ~ cj 2014.02.02 (photo taken on 2014.01.31) Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this … Continue reading

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Big and Little

It’s surprisingly hard to tell the difference between what’s big and what’s little in some moment. Figuring it out is a matter of gaining perspective, getting some distance or passing time. (Photo from 2014.01.25) Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Good Boy

frightened boy kneeling in obedience until your freckled knees bled while they committed their sins to your tender bare flesh biting your lips and hating your tears and heading right straight to hell every single time for doubting God’s plan … Continue reading

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Color Blind

I spent a little time last year with a friend who was colorblind. “That’s a sad affliction”, I’d think, while I was photographing a gorgeous cloudless sky. “I hate that he’s missing out on the beautiful colors of this”, I’d … Continue reading

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POS-itive Sayings

“It’s hard to be satisfied with life if you’re not satisfied with yourself.” When you read it, it seems so simple, so true. Impossible to take action on, yet ridiculous if one doesn’t get its obvious message – quit being … Continue reading

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Simply Rich

Such a beautiful sunset, rich in simplicity. A few sweet details, more than enough to make it memorable. It was what I needed most…pure, clean, easy to be present for. I focused on what it was giving me, literally and … Continue reading

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Shattered

Beautiful, but so very cold when I touched it. Misleading, it turned out to be nearly hollow. Everything inside it drained out as soon as I tipped it a little. I took some photos so I would remember, then shattered … Continue reading

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Bleeding Freedom

I picked at myself, mercilessly digging ragged nails deep into my flesh, an endless cycle of scratches and scabs and scars. I needed something, anything, to dig into me deeper than you did. I made everything bleed, little places, small … Continue reading

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Looking Glass

Ah, it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen you here. How are you? How have you been? Oh, good, good. Just fine. Going well. In fact, things are looking magnificently up. I feign earnest and glance upward as … Continue reading

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I Can’t Do This Alone

I thought I’d do anything to be happy with you, rather than being Alone. What I really want, though, is just to be happy, and there’s nothing I can do Alone to be happy with you. ~ cj 2013.11.27 Bookmark … Continue reading

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My Wish For You

My Wish For You May the moments between this one, when our paths crossed, and the moment you leave this world, be filled as often as possible with child-eyed playful wonder. ~ cj 2013.11.15 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post … Continue reading

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Peace Filled Grace

Peace-filled grace carries you gently across my evening sky. A glow shines from your colorful heart, soft, undeniable. Shaped in each moment by what can be seen, and by what never will, you appear, as you float by, to be … Continue reading

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My Proposal

No one else is going to let us carry on, like this, together, so let’s just carry on together, like this, without them. ~ cj 2013.11.13 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading

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I Am Lonely Tonight

I am lonely tonight, will you stand here for me? So I can sketch you in colors of the sunset and sea. I’ll tell you a story or write a breaking heart poem if you’ll sit here with me so … Continue reading

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My Man In The Moon

What I felt when I took this photo is still with me when I look at it now. First thing in the morning, the sun was rising while the full moon was setting. The sunrise was beautiful to be sure, … Continue reading

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Leaving The Vets’ Alone

He bent down with a few scraps of toweling to wipe up an accidental puddle, bringing him eye level with one of my tail-wagging doggies. He patted her and smiled just a little, then murmured something to her that I … Continue reading

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Last Pound of Flesh

I have gone hungry already, and I will go hungry again because you thieved from me, wrapping what you took in juicy lies that you thickly layered on me and then them, but mostly on you, buttering them up, so … Continue reading

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A Way To Be Free Of The Mess

It’s time to clean up and put away everything that hasn’t already run out or broken, so I can be free of this mess. I always think I’ll replace what’s run out, and fix all that is broken, as soon … Continue reading

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Consuming Moments

The darkness consumed the last light of the day yesterday, as it exited in a mass of fiery yellow-orange clouds. The color spread everywhere across the sky, eventually turning pink, and then grey, while I captured what I could with … Continue reading

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Bird of Paradise

A bird of paradise solar-powered light was one of the first things I bought when I reclaimed my garden, a particularly painful place for me. For several years, I avoided it because it made my heart ache and caused me … Continue reading

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Cold Front

When the clouds moved in, I wanted to wallow in, complain about, how suddenly chilly I was. I wasn’t prepared, it caught me unaware; I’d left my coat at home. When the cold descended I ached to whine about my … Continue reading

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A Fun Piece of Team Work

My housemate and I hung out most of the weekend, running errands. When we started the day on Saturday, I was hyper aware that I never just hang with someone like that, running errands, and “having a day”. We’ve been … Continue reading

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Golden Beauty In The Rain

These yellow flowers have shown up in my garden, growing wildly without my permission, without being planted there. They are far more beautiful than what I’d put in that spot. I’ve certainly learned that I miss beautiful moments in life … Continue reading

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Magnetically Drawn To Sharing

I am finding myself magnetically drawn to sharing pictures I took on Saturday evening of the two accidents I was trapped by, for an hour, on I-10. I want to share my thoughts on this magnetic, somewhat morbid, urge, although … Continue reading

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Blossoming Into Themselves

All this unique beauty in these flowers, growing in the wild, blooming in the woods. If I hadn’t come by, it’s likely as not, no one would have noticed them. If I hadn’t been watching, who would have taken their … Continue reading

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My Privilege

I heard Jacki Lyden on NPR say this to Dave Zirin yesterday: “Dave, thank you so much for joining us.” Dave said this back: ” My Privilege. Thank you.” So different, isn’t it, from the usual ‘My Pleasure’? ‘My Privilege’ … Continue reading

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I Matter

It only took me a minute or two on the 17th to write Existing. I suppose it was ready to be said without much hesitation. But after I was done, I waffled back and forth for quite awhile before and … Continue reading

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Existing

You treated me as if who I truly was didn’t exist so completely that who I truly was stopped existing when I was with you. When I left, you still treated me as if I didn’t exist so completely that … Continue reading

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Arrivals

Cold-platform standing, silent tears, stinging from the brisk walk-by of him, him, like the others; misuse-me men that I’ve given my heart to for a lifetime of years, without their understanding or mine. I let them go by as they’ve … Continue reading

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Music In Austin

I love how, when he moved, he became a somewhat transparent figure in this picture, fleeting, temporary…while his music equipment and the insistent beat stayed solid. It struck me how much this moment was so much like Austin as a … Continue reading

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My Fearful Symmetry

I used to buy so many books, ignoring the “why-aren’t-you-normal” questions from my now ex-husband about what I was going to do with yet another potentially unread treasure crowding our shelves. How could someone who’s lived such a different life … Continue reading

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Receiving Gifts

Last week, after all these years, I finally unwrapped the mystery of why gifts are not the way to this girl’s heart. It happened as I was explaining the five languages of love to a friend, while getting to know … Continue reading

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Breathe Again

Listening to Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles took me right back to when I first walked away from him. I wasn’t so sure I’d ever breathe again without that deep seering pain, but I needed to leave so badly, it … Continue reading

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