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Author Archives: cjromb
Hollywood & Sunshine
Those were the days of Hollywood and Sunshine both of us shining stars glowing brightly in a different space. I stumbled by skinny in my brown polyester dress waiting tables hungry for food waiting on you starving for love. You … Continue reading
Protected: Crazy Lady
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Taker
You go deeper than the heart greedy taker-soul using Your love, like a shiny, sparkling hook fishing for another to feed Your raisin-shriveled heart. You say, “Pet Me, give to Me, look what I have home, car, money, manners, dress, … Continue reading
My Heart (felt) Manifesto
I am your heart, and I love you dearly. You can feel me in your chest nearly all the time. I beat like crazy when you run. I know I wake you with panic often in the night. I soar … Continue reading
Everywhere I Go
Everywhere I go, I go with my whole heart. It always lets me know it’s right by my side. Sometimes it screams when I’ve burned it raw And other times it makes me fly. But scream or soar, I will … Continue reading
Thistle And Weeds
This simple, powerful melody, the intense, spot-on message held my battered heart in a special place these past few days, so it could safely feel, and begin to heal. I played it over and over, and then taught myself an … Continue reading
I Am Ok
I am ok. I don’t care. I don’t need you. You don’t matter. Until I wake. Or I sleep. Or I remember or I think. Until I see in my mind’s eye your eyes looking into mine. Until I go … Continue reading
Begging The Universe
I woke this morning, begging the universe to erase this truth from my now open eyes, so the stone heavy ache in my heart would be lifted as I struggle to breathe. I was denied that relief, and shown two … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry, Writing
Tagged breakup, crossroads, life, love, relationships
7 Comments
Digging Out Of A Ditch
When I was a teenager, I was in a band. One day, another band came in on their day off, and heard us play. The band members said “Hey, if you ever wanna move to Florida, you could join our … Continue reading
No Dark Storms
If you will but visit when you are wind-battered you will find me here ready to hold you when you are too weary to hold your own. I will not clip your wings for my own gain. Instead, my belief … Continue reading
My Need
My desire to be heard does not exceed my need to be treated with compassion in the face of my vulnerability. My willingness to accept your help does not exceed my need to be treated with grace in the face … Continue reading
I Love You Doesn’t Mean Anything
I Love You doesn’t mean anything…When you say it all the time…. I had a brilliant conversation this past week with a life coach and friend of mine, Lisa. I’ve been thinking for days about the many things we discussed. … Continue reading
Empty Room – Reposted
This is a piece I wrote after my son moved away from home. Appropriate today, the First Day of school for my friends with and now without children. Time goes fast and empty is hard sometimes. Years later, the walls … Continue reading
Posted in Poetry
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First Day
Dear Mom And Dad, I know getting ready for a new school year is hard. I did it for 12 years with my beautiful boy. Getting that supply list and standing in line at Wal-Mart, Target with all those colored … Continue reading
Tears
Months later, long after I felt sure I’d freed every imprisoned tear I could possibly shed, you were kind to me for a moment. What a shock to learn they’d not actually gone anywhere. Instead, they’d relentlessly replenished themselves and … Continue reading
Full Force
I flung myself full force with complete abandon wrecklessly speeding racing barreling falling heart-all-in love with you. no barriers no boundaries little caution. but wait… the news in from the heart line reports a head-on collision recently occurred as an … Continue reading
Drawn
you begin by believing you want to be near you are drawn like a moth to a flame. you are fascinated, attracted. you can’t possibly get there fast enough. stumbling over yourself, you fall like a meteor lightning speed record. … Continue reading
Bending Time
Sometimes time moves so slowly you barely see it pass hardly a ripple visible paddling softly on a moment-filled glass lake. Sometimes time moves in river rapids leaving you gulping for air swirling helplessly in the whitewater months that threaten … Continue reading
My Hair
My hair suits me curly loud unruly deciding each day where to stick out anew, often annoying and attracting attention. I’ve never been able to get its moods or my own to line up in a predictable fashion. even when … Continue reading
The Fine Print
When it all went so terribly wrong, I initially believed I’d been fooled. I was angry that it wasn’t turning out as he’d advertised. But upon reading with newly found glasses I realized the fault was my own. I’d failed … Continue reading
Left Behind
green shirt white shorts mellow music your book and a walking plan peppered kisses soft words blissful sweet satisfaction echoes of your voice a little burn on my face our beautiful dance the message you left behind by leaving all … Continue reading
A Place Of Knowing
Something about you compels me. I want to share my secrets with you. I want to strip off my clothes in bright unforgiving light, exposing scars and my flaws so you can intimately and easily know. I want to fully … Continue reading
Believable Love
I don’t want friends who tell me Yes because they believe that shows love. I want friends who tell me The Truth because that’s when I believe they love. ~ cj 2011.08.09 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on … Continue reading
Every One
In this moment Every one in my life loves me, with the possible exception of the only one I believed in this moment I most wanted it to be. ~ 2011.08.09 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading
Unmistakeable
I can hear your heart in your breath in the air its loud insistence its gentle aching its almost insatiable longing are unmistakeable as anything other than love. I can hear your heart in your voice when it’s soft when … Continue reading
A Book Shelf of Thoughts
What if you viewed your thoughts as if they were books on a shelf? You might have a standard favorite to get you through a situation. You choose it over and over, quote from it, memorize it, point it out … Continue reading
The Magic Of Accountability
Accountability is magic. Pure magic. Perhaps the structure, the tool, the software, the paper, the process…plays into it some, but for me, accountability is where the rubber squeals on the road. Last week, my friend Anna told me about her … Continue reading
Silent Burden
I make noise In my space To relieve the silence Of its awe-full burden. It’s a heavy load My silence carries Trying to keep the noise down And make the air Be still. ~ cj 2011.08.07 It’s completely silent here. … Continue reading
Smile
Stingy smile Stretched thin, barely discernible as such without a good deal of imagination. It replaced, without warning, the broad gaping laugh that was filled with teeth, and the back of your throat. Do you remember it? I do. It … Continue reading
Juggling Lies
Turn down the lights Please pour the wine The show is delightful tonight The star is dressed up Her shoes and hair shine And she’s a devilishly beautiful sight The stage is all set With dishes and props And a … Continue reading
Gone
I walked in this room today, to find you just gone. Each thing you last touched, everywhere you last moved, the spot where you last laid your head down for a moment of rest, and some peace… It all still … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, favorite, house, poetry, relationship
4 Comments
Impenetrable Wall
All In all you’ve built yourself One hell of an impenetrable Wall. So tall and thick That you can’t even see over it, or around it, and often mistake it for a wall you’ve convinced yourself belongs to me. So … Continue reading
When I Find
When I find you we won’t be lonely anymore. We’ll cuddle close, dream dreams, and we’ll dance. We’ll walk through woods, splash waves gaze often at stars and the moon. We’ll be adored and assured laugh often, sing loud, cling … Continue reading
Causing Our Own Demise
The Jealous cause their own demise. If you’ve had an insanely jealous partner, you know what I’m talking about. The jealousy comes from a fear of losing the love of that partner. What’s ironic, though, is that the jealousy (which … Continue reading
Thought While Running Uphill
There’s a world of difference between “I don’t want to”, and “I can’t”. One is a choice. The other is an unfortunate state of mind. Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers … Continue reading
Isn’t It Obvious?
A friend of mine was telling me this last night about someone she knows. The person she knows sees successful people, and he gets really bummed about where HE’S at. She asks “Is that what you WANT to do? Is that … Continue reading
Breeze
The guitar is still out, the jelly is here. The shirt is all folded and smells sweet of you. your hug tightly held with your gaze, in my heart i wonder if you’re hurt, surprised, too. it was only a … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged breakup, breeze, favorite, hurt, love, poetry, relationship
5 Comments
Nuttin’ But Go
I’m dancing at the intersection here To Nuttin’ But Stringz Waiting for the light to change, eager with anticipation for the moment I’m released to fly forward. My energy builds as the music swells Pulse racing, body bouncing While cars … Continue reading
One Day
One day I hope you’re free to spend one more night with me. And then another day I hope you’re free to spend more than One night with me. ~ cj 2011.07.20 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on … Continue reading
Posted in Writing
2 Comments
Dancing
I’m dancing all around my space loud music. loud pounding outside making all the loud pounding in my head disappear, disintegrated by the beat of the loud music that i’m dancing all around to in my space. ~ cj 2011.07.20 … Continue reading
Click
She closed the door quietly on her way out. So silently, in fact, that he didn’t hear the ever so subtle sound as that latch caught for her final time. So stealthy and slowly that he missed every sign she … Continue reading
Protected: Taking Stock
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Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, Favorites
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship
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Unarmored Mercy
You’re under my skin against the meat of me, embedded in my flesh, holding my scarred heart, which is beating like hell, unarmored, mercy-filled, in your beautiful hands. Surprised, I don’t have any clothing in here; I’m a naked, raw, … Continue reading
Butterfly
Yesterday, as I walked to the shed to salt the water, I caught a glimpse of the butterfly he put in a garden he created for me. A butterfly, the symbol of a free life after struggle, is the only … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Essay
Tagged butterfly, divorce, poetry, relationship
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Vacations Over, What A Trip
Before I left, things weren’t right and I could scarcely wait to go, But while I was gone I lost my way, and the memory of what compelled my journey. Vacation tends to trip my mind It sends me places … Continue reading
Time To Go Home
Time to go home Excited, yet not Ready to resume Reluctant to, too. ~ cj 2011.06.26 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe to the comments on this … Continue reading
Finally, Broken, Silent
You’re gone and this is over finally broken silent the end of a journey I never dreamed would end with both of us still breathing It’s deafening, the loud quiet you left behind and the spaces where your shoes and … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, house, poetry, relationship, silence
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A Feeled Trip to Remember (SparkPeople)
On January 1st I dropped a bomb in the middle of my life, setting off reverberations that echoed to my core in ways I never expected. I’ve been married for 21 years, and on the morning of my 21st anniversary … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
2 Comments
Catch 22
if I step back you build a wall of why you’re right to say so long. if I stay close you charge me from your book of my done-wrongs Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via … Continue reading
The Ride To Happy (SparkPeople)
Are you happy. Don’t know? How about doing this exercise: Each day write down what percentage of the time you felt happy that day. Is that too long of a time period? Do you tend to write down how you’re … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, essay, happiness, motivation, sparkpeople
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Sleep On It
Now I lay me down to sleep I know this road to love is steep If I should run for frightened sake Please hold on, there’s much at stake Before you say you’re done with this Close soft your eyes … Continue reading
Delete
Something’s crawling up my skin from my toes to my scalp A noise Making the hair rise on my arms The blood rush loud in my ears My heart hammer out of its cage Creeping, choking, confining me With horror, … Continue reading
Still Here
where your hand held my wrist and your lips kissed my cheek where my legs pulled you close to my soul You are here with me now my heart’s eye holds you near warm long past when you’ve let me … Continue reading
Moving
The rest of the world moves on. While I wonder where I’m going. And run behind and spin around And question each thing I’m doing. ~ cj 2011.04.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading
The Plan of the Hour & The Next Race (SparkPeople)
I know it’s been awhile since I posted. I haven’t known what to say, and I haven’t wanted to say what I know. My husband and I are still going our separate ways. Let’s be honest, although we’re still living … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
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It’s Not The Decision That’s Hard (SparkPeople)
I wrote this mantra for myself this morning: **************************** I am so glad I made the decision I made. It was the right decision for me. And although it is going to be challenging to follow through on this decision, … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, essay, motivation, sparkpeople
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Running For My Life – My First Marathon (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. Last Sunday, Feb. 20th, I completed my first marathon. My goal was to finish in under 6 hours, and I did it. My final time was 5:41:54. I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, breakup, divorce, essay, exercise, fitness, marathon, relationship, sparkpeople
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Can I Admit?
what if you don’t like me? what if you do? …can i admit? either way i feel a bit nervous. ~ cj 2011.02.14 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about … Continue reading
I Never Noticed Before
You’re like he is hiding outside he hid downstairs. I called him excited to say Woot! your team won He said yeah, I know. I call you to share what I’ve done. You say good job in monotone. You don’t … Continue reading
Lonely
You are lonely. I am lonely. And we stay lonely. Who made that rule Who holds us there? Do we get a reward for this suffering? Or have we, by staying lonely created a space between Where a callous can … Continue reading
Impossibly Far
Impossibly far from here we’re eating breakfast together eggs, mine covered in cheese, yours? I’m having steak, and you, local sausage. In common, too, we have cold and even a bit of snow My honey is pollenated by flowers far … Continue reading
Feather
like a feather gently swirling over a cliff free floating white and graceful twirling from where it was to where it’s pulled by gravity by nature by aching and joy inevitable and peaceful dangling and lifting swelling and swirling spinning … Continue reading
Strong Enough To Do A Load or Two
Two days ago, I had the emotional energy to do a single load of laundry. It was the first time, since I’d begun peeling the layers that were us off my skin. I watched it pile up day after day, … Continue reading
Just Registered For My First Full Marathon (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. In this moment, on this day, I am so proud of myself I can barely breathe. I signed up for my very first full marathon. It is the last in a series of five races that … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged blog post, essay, fitness, marathon, motivation, sparkpeople
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Who Will?
You held me crying my heart out from losing my love. who will hold me now crying my heart out from losing your love. ~ cj Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with … Continue reading
Small Big Things (SparkPeople)
Originally posted on SparkPeople. I have been writing, nearly non-stop, since I wrote to you here on Jan. 3rd. What I’ve written is here. It’s also in my notebook, it’s in my correspondence with close friends. So I haven’t gone … Continue reading
Posted in Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
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Chokehold
For hours I struggled in my sleep last night trying to take something off my neck. I felt like I was choking and trying to break free. This morning I woke to find my necklace next to my bed on … Continue reading
Breaking The Law
I break the law in the morning. I break the rules all day. I breakdown at night. I wake up and do it again. The cycle of life when you’ve chosen to do 80 in a 40. ~ cj 2011.01.19 … Continue reading
Yummy
My words feel like pieces of food on a shelf. I pick them out, rearrange them, and give them a taste as they might go down together. And if they feel right in my mouth, on my tongue, once they … Continue reading
How
How did we get here? So lost from there nowhere near the there we were hoping to go. i’m not sure i can possibly know. ~ cj 2011.01.19 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit … Continue reading
Layers of Adjustment
We adjust to our realities, to our lives, to our hopes, our dreams, our failures in layers. When we are young we are horrified by the notion of things we’ll never do again because we are too old. When we … Continue reading
Not A Thing To Do But Move With You
no one ever stays up as long as i do or sleeps as little i can’t imagine lying down to rest while someone moved about awake without me coming along my restless spirit is always seeking moving, doing, whether there’s … Continue reading
Let’s Just Agree
Let’s just agree that we’ll go our separate ways because there doesn’t seem to be enough room on this road together. instead of facing forward running smooth to our destination we’re turned in or turned out in a bad alignment … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, poetry, relationship
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Artifacts
When I pull away and look back at the artifacts the remnants and fabric of the life I’m leaving behind on the ground I see a sad combination of the hope & promise of life I was sure would continue … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Poetry
Tagged breakup, divorce, poetry, relationship
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No Thank You, I’ll Pass
walk away stop step back go leave resist can’t do hang on not yet do without restrain wait don’t mean put off not ready drop back de-escalate later no thank you i’ll pass. ~ cj 2011.01.07 Bookmark on Delicious Digg … Continue reading
A Short Essay On A Long Marriage (SparkPeople)
Originally published on SparkPeople. I can share here, right? I’ll tell you straight out what happened. My husband and I are separated. We got separated on January 1st, our 21st wedding anniversary. We didn’t get in a fight. It was … Continue reading
Posted in 21 And Done, Essay, SparkPeople
Tagged breakup, divorce, essay, relationship, sparkpeople
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I Like Your Name
I like your nickname, Rome. I don’t know where you got it, or why you wanted to use it. I’m not asking. That’s for you to share. But I can’t help guessing and enjoying the game. Maybe you wanted to … Continue reading
Early To Bed
I go to bed early Hoping sleep will rescue me From the banal idiocy And false accusations That are my every evening I squeeze my eyes shut fast Hoping to grind to a halt Or at least quickly slow My … Continue reading
Hands Down
I do have strong hands They take care of me They watch out for others. They play music With or without an instrument. They express my thoughts They make a point, And write a poem. They hold onto life And … Continue reading
Leaving
Is it too much Getting in here And finding I’ve left you a mess? Random Whatever comes to mind Blurted out to you It’s a lot For a stranger To pile this at your feet But my heart senses That … Continue reading
How Dare You
how dare you violate our friendship and me by taking more than I offered without asking or even explaining making me feel so awkward and unsure of the violations’s very existence that I keep silent allowing the unwanted affection to … Continue reading
Haley Bailey
you were so close in my dream! i just got to pet you, you can’t imagine the thrill or the comfort and although i could never quite look in your gold eyes i picked you up and held you close … Continue reading
Worry
it’s raining and it’s my heart’s desire as it has always been to protect you even now when it’s far too late so i rush out to your grave to cover it in plastic i put rocks on it to … Continue reading
Sad Going
Our hearts are sad, not for us because you’ve gone, but for you, because of where you’re going. ~ cj 2004.03.29 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Tweet about it Subscribe … Continue reading
Dreaming
halfway between last night and tomorrow is my dream dying to tell me some truth about my life that’s too painful to come straight out and admit speaking in symbols and metaphors working hard to drive home the point of … Continue reading
Offerings
taking pennies in Sunday offerings from little boys to put in coffers for feeding those who take souls from little boys who put their pennies in Sunday offerings. ~ cj 2002.12.31 Bookmark on Delicious Digg this post Recommend on Facebook … Continue reading
Half A Life Later
today, half a life later comes the first time i take out the pain. strong enough to seek, willing to consider a long buried truth; the impact of the profound loss of you. half a life later i recognize your … Continue reading
Moving On
When someone moves out, moves on from my life I frantically clean after they depart move furniture around change how rooms look here and there, big and small, discard and replace rearrange my belongings so they look refreshingly new vary … Continue reading
Empty Room
downstairs, just under my office, where i now work hard to fill my empty life, are two rooms, also empty, that i can hardly bear to enter. if there were any way at all, i’d burn them off my house. … Continue reading
Flooding
memories flooding seeping oozing creeping lurking leaking slithering sneaking grating mocking harassing shocking haunting nagging biting dragging gnawing worming clutching storming draining gushing thrashing pushing choking stunning stabbing running flying rushing racing crushing beating savaging kicking ravaging pummeling battering pounding … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry, Wordplay, Writing
Tagged breakup, estrangement, poetry, relationship, wordplay
2 Comments
Fountains of Youth
skipping, jumping, hopping streams of water in a fountain like small children playing hide seek in one side and out the other always seem so very different like no pattern quite deceiving but they always slowly return if you stand … Continue reading
Protected: Their Bits
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No Feelings!
do you remember shrieking “no feelings!”? in my face in my ear shoving my heart across the room of our life pushing it down kicking it hard slicing right through creating a small, whimpering, tail-tucked puppy out of the soft, … Continue reading
Clean
when you leave i inhale deeply the delicious clean you’ve left behind your presence lingers for days after you’re gone it’s not just the clean that you leave behind you’ve also left me a little strength and a smile that … Continue reading
How Is It Fair?
On 19 August, a Sharia court of appeal in Funtua, Katsina State, Nigeria, took the decision to uphold the sentence of death by stoning imposed on Amina Lawal. how is it fair that i should pay with my life for … Continue reading
DamneD
dead deceived decomposed decreased decried defaced defamed defeated defenseless deficient defied defiled dejected deluded demolished demonized demoralized depressed deprived derided deserted despised destroyed desultory detached detested detracted devastated devoid devoured diminished diminutive dirty disappointed disapproved discharged disclaimed disconcerted disconnected discontiguous … Continue reading
Mother’s Ache
It’s so sad to see a young girl, full of promise and future, already agreeing to tolerate unimaginable pain by giving her heart to a boy who can say the same to another that he says to the girl, who … Continue reading
Little Man
on my desk is a little man with a teal green coat and a flag in his hands he says “ho, ho” like he’s having fun but I gotta say, he’s the only one he came at christmas bringing cheer … Continue reading
The Only Place
I found this poem on 3.4.04. It was written on 3.27.01 the only place i can see you, the only way i can touch you, the only way we can be there again, is in my mind. I remember when … Continue reading
Posted in Favorites, Poetry
Tagged estrangement, poetry, relationship
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Real Gold
Once you had it all in my eyes. The gold and beauty of you sparkled just beyond my reach. How desperate I became grasping for a mirage, a fantasy I desired with all my heart to be real. Now you … Continue reading
